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Too hopeless for help

have you ever felt like you need help or you need to talk to someone but you don’t know where to start or what to say?
have you ever felt like you can’t talk properly and enough of your problems so you need to just shut up because speaking can not help you?
or always felt like there is not a good listener or a friend that could trust?
I feel all of them.
for years me , myself have been they only therapist and only reliable friend of mine. I have tried to talk to real therapist or my friend but it doesn’t help . I felt like I was making fun of myself and they are not a good help.
I know there won’t be any help and 100% sure you don’t understand me cause nobody does. but I just wanted to do something . because I’m so tired. I’m done

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Hey there @T.lily, I can definitely understand how you feel because I’ve felt the same way before. I’m sorry to hear that the things you’ve tried haven’t worked, or you feel like they didn’t help. I know that you said you’ve tried talking to a therapist before, why not try again? It seems to me like you want help just feel like it won’t do anything, which isn’t always true. You deserve the help and sometimes it can be hard to find but it’s always there. Finding a good therapist can be hard but it’s not impossible, and it might take some time.

This article really helped me when I was trying to find a good therapist, I’d recommend looking through it and seeing if it might help, you don’t have to take it word for word, maybe just a consideration.

This one also helped me, again you don’t have to take it word for word but maybe just look it over.

I hope that you can find something that works for you because you deserve to get help and get better. Hold fast friend, you mean the world to me.

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thank you @ofmiceandben :yellow_heart:

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Hey @T.lily , @taylorpalmby dedicated a song to you during her stream!

Hold Fast

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wow this is awesome. it’s the best gift I could get.
thank you so much @taylorpalmby. your advise was so sweet and your song encouraged me alot :heart:
and thank you @Kayla for apprising me :heart:

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Sending all of the love to you friend

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Hey @T.lily ,

Thank you so much for being here, sharing all of this, especially since reaching out is a struggle for you. Just the step of being here and giving a try to trust others, even on an anonymous forum, shows how strong you are. There’s a spark within you that wants the best for you, and your voice truly deserves to be heard.

I know there won’t be any help and 100% sure you don’t understand me cause nobody does.

You are right that no one is in your shoes and you own your unique story. However, as human beings we can use our empathy and our personal experiences to connect to each other at an emotional level. We may not live the exact same things, events and situations, but thankfully we can try our best to create meaningful connections. That wouldn’t be possible if you never dared to show up and share your voice here. That is something you can be proud of, really. Maybe it was the result of some despair on your end, a little bit like “I’ve got nothing to lose by trying because I’m already really down”, so maybe it doesn’t feel like it’s a big deal. Yet even in the midst of dark times we always have different possibilities, and by being here you’ve proved to yourself that you can choose healthy ones, that you create opportunities and seek healthy connections with others.

Overall we may not be able to solve your issues instantly, especially since the hard work has to be done individually, but we can be a supportive community for you, a safe space with people willing to listen without judging anytime you need. Sometimes we need others to help take the next step in our life, and just to reflect on ourselves in a more medidative way. We can’t always do everything on our own, especially during times of acute vulnerability. That’s okay, and that’s why this place exists. :hrtlegolove:

have you ever felt like you need help or you need to talk to someone but you don’t know where to start or what to say?

Honestly: yes. During the last years, I’ve learned to reach our more and also to be more in tune with how I feel, so what you describe is less a struggle to me now because I understand more what’s going on in my mind at the moment. But in the past? Heck yes. So many times I felt deeply vulnerable, was willing to reach out, but prefered not to because I was unable to really describe my current feelings. I knew something was wrong, I knew I needed help, but I didn’t know what kind of help… as I didn’t understand my pain and my needs.

It can be really hard to put words on how we feel. Words in themselves are limitating, especially when it’s about our emotions. When we feel lost like that, it’s tempting to hide and wait to see if we could express ourselves more properly before we reach out. But actually, reaching out is part of helping us to figure out what’s going on. Many times, I was surprised to see that while I was trying to express to a friend how I was feeling, they were able to put that into words for me because they could see and understand my situation in a different way. People who are really close to us and understand our heart can sometimes have this gift of understanding us without having to say anything. Sometimes connections go beyond words.

Something that I find useful too is to use different outlets. For example: a song that would convey how I feel. Not just because of the lyrics, but also because of the music, the atmosphere. Sometimes I’d be more able to describe how the song feels - and how it’s connected to me -, rather than how I feel at the moment. Other outlets can be creativity and art for example. There are many ways to express yourself without having to use words. And once you try, you could be surprised to see the amount of people who actually relate to your art one way or another. Overall, it’s an interesting process, even if it’s quite scary.

have you ever felt like you can’t talk properly and enough of your problems so you need to just shut up because speaking can not help you?

Yes. Recently I had to admit that I’ve been struggling with selective mutism, which is somehow close to what you describe, except that for me it’s because I don’t feel safe enough at the moment. It creates a vicious cycle though: I know I won’t be able to talk properly so I stop trying. I censor myself. I don’t see the point of even trying because speaking is not going to solve everything suddenly. For what it’s worth, you are definitely not alone on that struggle bus, friend. I’m aware that it’s not a perfect response, but I hope that knowing you are not alone can bring at least a bit of comfort and remind you that there’s nothing wrong with you. Sometimes it’s just really, really hard to talk.

or always felt like there is not a good listener or a friend that could trust?

Heck yea, and that freaking sucks. Most of my life I didn’t have a proper support system, and I’m still trying to build one So through the years I’ve learned to rely exclusively on myself. It has its pros… but also its cons, such as a deep, deep sense of loneliness.

I’m really sorry that you’ve been feeling like no one could be a good listener. Trusting others with ourselves is scary, especially when we expose our vulnerability. Know that, whenever you need it, you really have a safe space right here. We’re willing to listen without any judgment to what you’d like to share. Ultimately, we’re just all human beings trying to do our best in a messy world, but through our struggles we can also create a bit of beauty and lift each other up. It feels lonely, it feels isolating, but right now you can count on this community to be a valuable resource for you, whenever you feel ready to share your heart. This is part of your support system right now. We see you. We hear you.

I have tried to talk to real therapist or my friend but it doesn’t help . I felt like I was making fun of myself and they are not a good help.

If you feel that way, then you’re probably right: they were not a good help. It’s okay though, there’s no blame or shame to have for that. Not everyone can listen in any circumstance. And overall we can’t be everything for everyone. But on your end, it’s still a work in progress, a process that’s worth to put some energy in, because YOU are worth the efforts it takes to be heard. I really want to encourage you not to let those experiences push you away from reaching out and being heard. It can take some time to find the right people, which is VERY frustrating and discouraging at times, but really it’s worth it to keep trying. There are people out there, and right here, willing to listen and to understand as much as possible.

Eventually it may be helpful for you to set the conversation with your own rules before, and express your needs directly. Do you need someone to listen without talking? Do you need someone to ask you questions? Do you need someone to challenge you? Do you need compassion or tough love? Ultimately we’re all different, and learning to identify your needs, at your own pace, could help you to find the right therapist too.

Thank you again for reaching out, friend. Your voice matters. :hrtlegolove:

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Hi @Micro
Thank you so much for your attention and respond. I’m getting my hopes back and all thanks to you. I wish my friends would understand me like you do. :heart:
and also thank you for sharing your last experience with me :yellow_heart:

this is exactly what I’m looking for and thanks to this website I’m finding it.

before I thought reaching out for help may show you weak specially if you choose the wrong person to talk to , but now I can see who my real friend is so it’s ok to be vulnerable.

:orange_heart: :orange_heart:

yes , and I’m looking forward to get help from it. sometimes (probably most of the times) anonymous can help more than a friend.

yes , this is what I try to do and hopefully I can find my therapist.
:heart:

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