Too-many-voices - 1960

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Belongs to: Mike Hranica from The Devil Wears Prada talks about what panic sounds like in our minds
Too many voices==========

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Yeah - hard to see straight when it feels like there’s so much internal conflict. They can also feel like you’re hot one day and cold another. It’s hard to differentiate them from your own, and it feels like you have six GPS’s trying to direct you just to get to the grocery store in a place you’re unfamiliar with, and it’s like damn - I just wanted a piece of toast. Some days it’s overwhelming, which is where the panic sets in - it’s hard to be that overstimulated internally. And then comes the spiral. Which, is honestly relatable. You’re not crazy or alone.

Panic definitely feels like this at times. It’s like having your mind and body being literally invaded by these voices that are speaking all at the same time, in ways that are plenty confusing and overwhelming. Hard to catch your breath when there’s constant noise in the background, taking over the possibility to hear silence, find stillness and feel more at peace. You try to find your way but there’s no “volume” button to lower these voices. When you’re caught into the cycle of panic, it’s just all too loud, all too much. I feel this with you, friend.

I can remember very clearly a time of my life when I was trying to enjoy walks outside and trying to reach some sense of “meditation”. But how awful it felt at first because the anxiety was just there all the time – and it felt so much louder when I would try to intentionally reduce the sound of these voices. Avoiding it was not a sustainable strategy as I would end up burnt out, but trying to sit down with this sense of panic was also too much of shock. It’s hard to feel like thinking and feeling clearly when there’s this part of your mind that is just trying to take over everything else. It’s part of you, but it’s also not you. It brainwashes you with fears and lies, but grounding ourselves in truth and safety feels simply impossible during these moments.

I think, naming these voices just like you did today was in itself a strong move. It may not feel like a big revolution in terms of your personal experiences, but it is a way to put them in front of you and claim that they are not you, even though they are a part of your life experiences. When you’re naming and facing these voices that haunt you, you also allow yourself to look at it for what they are: voices, product of fear, anxiety – which are all profoundly human experiences, and nothing that would ever define you, your worth or even your ability to not always be subjected to panic. There is a strength from within that shows up when you look at these voices as voices, and not as a harbinger of things to come. You claim your right to control and be at the driver seat of your own life, of your own body. For what it’s worth coming from a stranger on the internet, I’m really proud of you for sharing about it today.

There is so much more in you than these voices, and so much life to keep unfolding – beyond the fears, beyond the struggles. I believe in you.

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