I’m tired of having to be in pain, just because I am too messed up to handle pain meds.
Two nights ago I had a semi good reason to take some and I knew I was making a mistake.
The next night I didn’t have a good reason and I still took some.
And last night I freaked out because I thought I need them.
I can’t stand how my brain works.
I am done with physical and emotional pain.
I am tired of not being in control.
Hey @fiji,
I am so sorry you are having to go through this pain.
I wish I had a solution that could take the pain away without pain meds.
Our brain is so crazy and often times almost seems to be acting outside of what we want.
Know that we care about you and want to see you find freedom from all this.
Hold Fast,
SJ
Hey @fiji,
I’m proud of you for sharing this. I hope writing this and making this post can give you some strength to resist against this trap. You know it’s not the solution. You know it won’t bring anything good. You don’t need those meds.
It’s totally understandable to be divided between what you feel, what you want to do and what you know would be right to you. I’ve found myself in this place many times, questioning if I was not losing my own sanity. You are still in control friend. Everytime you do something, even everytime you feel, you are still in control in how you welcome, accept, and deal with those feelings.
I’m sorry you’ve been feeling such pain these days. I see you.
Is there anyone you could reach out to, just to be regularly in contact with someone you trust and get some help to handle pain meds?
You are loved. Those are not empty words.
Hang in there. 
Hey Fiji,
Can I ask you why you feel too messed up to take pain meds?
I don’t fully know your situation and why you struggle with meds but I know that I have battled with my own struggles with medication. I have a loved one handle and manage my medication for me. So that I am not tempted to abuse them when I am in darker moments.
Would it help you if you had someone to help manage your medicine with you? I know depression and anxiety can sometimes get the best of us and we do things that maybe we shouldn’t or isn’t best for our health. Is there someone around you that can help you with your medication so that when you are having a hard time, you don’t take them if you don’t really need them?
I’m sorry for the pain you are experiencing and the hardships you are facing. Know that you are loved and we care about you.
hugs
Thanks for your response, sorry for my late one.
I struggle with meds because I was addicted to them for a couple of years and now I am usually able to just take them when I absolutely need to (and only “harmless” ones that are not that strong or addictive).
I just so tired of having to live with physical pain just because I don’t trust myself taking meds, and therefore I have to deal with pain where others just throw in a couple of pills and feel better.
And no one understands it.
I could try non addictive ones for stuff, but I know that’s how I started the first time around.
That’s alright, friend.
Thank you for being open about it. I think it shows a lot of strength for you to recognize the issue you have struggled with in the past and be aware of what could be a potential concern for you. Not everyone is able to recognize that.
I know that there are others in this community that have faced and battled drug addiction and cannot take pain medications for that reason.
That’s hard when you are struggling. Is there maybe a way that you can talk about some safe and healthy alternatives? More natural ways to help limit the pain you are in? Some stretches, exercises and dietary changes that could be worked in to promote better health in this regard? I know that’s not a full solution as it only helps so much, but maybe it could be worth talking to a doctor about some other things you can do or use that is safe and not a risk for addiction and resurfacing past struggles.
I understand friend. Not because I’m an addict but because I have loved ones who were/are and struggle similarly. I see what they have to face and the changes that they have to put in place. It’s not easy and understandable that you would feel so frustrated.
I hope for you that you can find some healthy things you can work into your routine and life that can help even if just a little. As someone who also battled with chronic pain, I know it can be hard without help and relief
Sending love.
Yeah… I’ve been trying different things to help the pain, but it’s just not quite the solution, at least not at the moment.
Thanks so much for your words friend.
I really do appreciate it.
Hugs