It’s been awhile since I’ve been on here, I think maybe almost a year actually lol I’m sure as we all know the world is going through a lot. We all are as a whole and it’s strange. Being home all the time is strange, doing classes online is strange. I’ve realized through all this how lonely things can be. I live with a very full house and I’ve kept in touch with friends kinda but, I genuinely feel like I have no one. “Going” to class is hard for me. I can barley even focus on anything or get work done because my mind is constantly running with worries. I’m just constantly left with my thoughts. The lack of routine and lack of being around encouraging people has been extremely difficult. My minds drifted to the thought the world might end (dramatic I know) or for my mom whose at risk. I haven’t been able to see her for a month because of this. I worry for other people who are hurting and going through loss. I’ve started to contemplate self harm again. I have also been trying to distract myself with making music but, I question why I should try with that either. Theres so many other musicians who’ve done what I try to. The most difficult part is the situation also took away my access to therapy which was provided on my college campus and covered by the college. There’s so so many other things going through my mind I couldn’t get it all down on here. I’m happy I remember about this form and community though. I hope everyones been safe and healthy. Thanks for the read.
I agree, right now is very chaotic. I am glad to see you again.
When I was in college I hated going to class, even online classes I hated. Maybe try and make a schedule, or a list of what you would like to accomplish in the day. Reward yourself after you finish tasks.
People who create things often question why they should try, myself included, we are our own worst critics. If you enjoy making what you make, then that is reason to continue doing it; if it makes you happy- then continue on.
We do have a seven day free trial with an online therapy resource called Better Help:
That link will have more information. After that I believe it is about $65 dollars a week, so if you do the free trial be sure to end it on that last day so you don’t get charged.
Are you able to email your therapist? Maybe you guys could work out a time to call or email back and forth, I know it’s not the same but it’s something.
I hope things work out; we are always here to listen and provide advice when we can.
You got this
It is indeed a tough season for everyone. Being worried is very natural with all the circumstances piling up. Though you’re aware that worrying too much can be destructive. I read a quote recently - can’t remember it precisely - but it was something like: Worrying is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy but it doesn’t lead you anywhere. How you feel is totally understandable and valid.
“Going” to class is hard for me. I can barley even focus on anything or get work done because my mind is constantly running with worries. I’m just constantly left with my thoughts. My minds drifted to the thought the world might end (dramatic I know) or for my mom whose at risk. I haven’t been able to see her for a month because of this. I worry for other people who are hurting and going through loss.
A question we often hear in this community is: what is in your control right now? And what are the things you actually can’t control? To distinguish what’s in your control or not can be a very first step to take some actions that would help you to regain a sense of safety.
Also, are there triggers in your environment that makes you drift to some specific thoughts? For example: do you often read the news? If yes, maybe it’s time to step away from it and focus on you/your life/people you love. We already know the general and safety recommendations. We know this is gonna be the same for a certain time, so there’s no need to be informed every day about that (and the news are almost only about covid these days…).
I haven’t been able to see her for a month because of this.
I’m sorry for that. It’s really tough. Right now I’m part of the people who are “at risk” due to health reasons. Even though I could see someone I love, it wouldn’t be possible/recommended… I feel for you. But let’s remind ourselves that this is only temporary, right? Let’s move on, day by day, towards the day we’ll hug again our beloved ones. 'Cause that’s freaking worth it!
I worry for other people who are hurting and going through loss.
I’ve been thinking and feeling the same, in a pretty intense/overwhelming way for a couple of weeks. And I don’t know if that could be helpful to you to share that… but I just decided to light a candle everyday and direct my thoughts to others for a couple of minutes. Like a chosen and dedicate moment for that, so I’m not too overwhelmed the rest of the day. Somehow, it’s a way to react to your concerns, a way to respond to it. Of course, it doesn’t change the current state of the world, but as long as what you do is meaningful to you, then it’s worth it.
I’ve started to contemplate self harm again.
It’s positive to acknowledge that. All of this stress and helplessness can be triggering. Maybe now could be a good opportunity to check your resources, what you have in your “self-care toolbox”. As you mentioned contemplating sh again, I guess it means you found already some ways, strategies to handle the urges and stop it. So, just a reminder, you’re not out of resources right now. You have this community, for sure, but also you have you, your experience, the knowledge you gained in regards of self-harm. It’s precious.
I have also been trying to distract myself with making music but, I question why I should try with that either. Theres so many other musicians who’ve done what I try to.
It’s quite natural to wonder this. It can be positive if it helps you to make your activity something meaningful to you. But also, don’t forget the part that just require you to enjoy and have fun! Creativity is also about allowing yourself to be free of some limits, fears, worries.
Does the act of sharing what you do is a motivation to you? If yes, and if you’re not on Discord already, don’t hesitate to join us and share your music with the community or your progress. There is a section for that - “stuff we made”, and of course everyone can contribute. https://discord.gg/s9Weu3
Your music will always be unique. Because it’s filled by your energy, your uniqueness. <3
You’ll be okay. You’ll get through this.
Hang in there. Take care of yourself. You are you very first priority.