Lately I’ve been feeling more and more overwhelmed with everything going on. I’m currently working a nightshift job at a retail chain stocking and it’s added a sort of depression on me, but that’s only a small part of it. I’ve felt heartbroken in recent times due to being lead on for over 2 years and still feeling stupid for putting so much effort and energy into trying to win a girl who I fell madly in love with, and about a month ago after feeling confident enough to start talking again and the heartbreak having subsided a bit I found another girl but in a way got played again and it left me feeling like I can’t find someone who actually wants to be with me. My living situation right now is also not the best. Me and my mom currently live with a roommate and have been for most of my life after my mom and dad divorced when I was little, and recently it’s been hard because my mom wants to move out because she doesn’t like to be around the roommate anymore but that means not being able to go to my job and where she wants to move to isn’t close to any places that I could continue working which is worrying because I have to be on my own in less than a year and I need to start saving up for college and I’m currently paying for my own homeschool. I can’t stand going around my father anymore because also in recent times he’s judged me to the point where I can’t be myself when I’m around him and he’s also admitted that I’m an embarrassment to him because of who I am and how I decide to look (which is really nothing but gauges and a very small tattoo). It’s made me confused and upset why I can’t have a father that will accept me and let me be who I want to be as an individual, but also ceases to see where I’ve come and what I’ve done so far. I haven’t even mentioned all of the things that are weighing me down but I don’t know what to do. I’ve been slacking on school work because of how stressed I am and how much my anxiety has risen, I’ve been worrying about if I’ll be able to pay the bills that I have with my job and still be able to buy some food since we’re not in the best financial situation. I don’t know what to do and it’s hard getting my sled together when everything’s spinning around me. All I want is to have my life together and be able to persue my music and my band, but everything seems out of order to where I don’t know what to do and just become stressed and feel like shutting down.
Hey @ABR73,
Thanks for reaching out! 
I’ve been in-and-out of counseling over the past 10 years or so, and one of the most life-changing things one of the counselors told me among me dumping all of my issues onto him was him telling me, “Something needs to change.” Putting this into context (in a nutshell), this last summer I noticed a significant decline in my mental health - most of it being attributed to my job. I currently hold a classic 8am-5pm M-F desk job, and while some people enjoy being chained to a desk, it just isn’t for me. Subsequently, I’ve been feeling like I’m wasting my life away, which has dominoed into a black cloud hanging over my head and seeping into every other aspect of my life. I have a passion for helping people, and I also make music (on the side), but I feel like I’m not helping anyone by sitting behind a computer all day, collecting royalties for our artists and songwriters. So, upon the “Something needs to change” advice, I’ve decided to completely alter my career choice by doing something that directly helps people. Next semester I will be taking a few EMS classes, followed by joining the fire training academy later in the year (while still making music on the side). Since my decision to shuffle my life around, it has given me hope and something new and exciting to look forward to.
All of that to say, I would encourage you to look at every issue in your life and ask yourself, “Maybe it’s time for something to change.” Whether it be regarding your nightshift job, deciding who to romantically invest your time into, changing your living situation, deciding how to approach the tension between you and your dad, and/or picking up new (healthy) habits on how to manage your anxiety/depression. I hope some of this helped! Let me know what you think! Hold fast, friend.
-Eric
@ABR73
Thank you for trusting us and posting, this sounds really rough, I’m sorry. I also work in retail and understand the stress it can bring on as most places are understaffed and that puts more pressure on us. I’m not sure what it’s like where you work right now, but I know for me the holiday period makes things so much more stressful… I can somewhat relate to being lead on but in a different respect. My best friend is beautiful - all the guys through school and college wanted to be with her and she was constantly in and out of relationships - she’s scared to be single… All of my boyfriends in the past have literally just been with me to get to her. We would be “happy” together for months - but as soon as my best friend split up with her boyfriend, suddenly the person I was with no longer wanted me and would break up with me to get together with her… It happened at least 4 times and I haven’t been in a relationship for years due to the fear of something like that happening… What I’m trying to say there is that it’s normal to feel the way you’re feeling - but we have to try and not believe that.
Have you guys spoken to your roommate about what the issues are within the household? Maybe you can come to a compromise? If your mum really is set on moving out, would you be able to stay just until you find a job near her or have enough saved up to move to your own place?
As for your father - I’m so sorry. Parents are supposed to unconditionally love their children and encourage them to grow… Sadly I know too well what it’s like to have abusive parents - I live with mine and get verbally abused pretty much all day everyday. The only thing that has helped me get through this is forming relationships with the people of this community and reaching out to them when I start to believe what my father is telling me, because I know they won’t lie to me and that they will be there to catch me when I fall. I know it’s freaking difficult, but maybe, for now, it’s best to try and step away and only contact him when necessary. You have to focus on your mental health and if he’s not helping - that’s going to be a lot harder… Come and be a part of our discord if you’re not already, and our twitch streams even. You’ll be able to make connections and get the support there. You’ve already made a great step by posting here. Keep pushing forward.
Hold Fast
Kayla
i have always been pushed out for having tattoos and wearing black listening to heavy musc, by my family and “friends”. Family is bigger then relatives and we are there for you. dont ever feel like you cant reachout and know your value is more then you can understand. you a precious human and have a purpose. I cannot wait to see the growth in you.
@ABR73
I haven’t gone through everything that you have, but I’ve also been struggling with loneliness too, friend, you’re not alone in this. It sucks when you feel like you’re not enough for someone. I’ve felt that way many times before. I saw a quote once that said “it’s better to wait long than to marry wrong” and I think that’s a great thing to remember. Stay strong, friend, we’re here for you.
-Metalhead
Hey @ABR73,
I just wanted to say a huge thank you for being vulnerable and opening up to the HS community. I’m sorry that there’s just been so much going on, and multiple factors that contribute to this huge amount of pain. I don’t know if I have the right words to say, but please know that you are loved here, for who you are. You carry an infinite amount of worth, and I’m so sorry for what your father has said to you. You are not an embarrassment, and sometimes it can be so hard to believe that, when a person who’s supposed to love you no matter what says stuff like. Please know that we are here for you. To offer love, encouragement, and support. One step at a time my friend, hold fast.
Sending love and peace,
Alex
Hi ABR
First of all just wanna say that you’re so brave for sharing everything that’s going on, and i’m sorry life is so hard on you.
I can relate to feeling heartbroken alot. Love is something that needs alot of energy and devotion to be put into it. Not easy to start, because of how many thoughts get put into it all; “does she like me?” “Am I good enough?” “will this even last?” “I’m afraid that i will mess it up”, and when it goes wrong, you just feel emotionally drained. It happening over and over kinda makes it seem like what can go wrong will go wrong, no matter how much I try, no matter if i’m feeling like things are going right. I’m here to tell you that those thoughts are lies, my friend. I know that there are someone out there who wants to be with who you are. The fact that you say you put over 2 years into trying to win a girl over, makes it obvious that you can devote yourself to something and that you want to make something work. I’d say to hold fast and show yourself to girls which not only you want, but also you feel want you around. I believe that one day, life will present that opportunity to you.
Sorry that your living situation is like it is atm. Living with a single parent is never easy if there is a third party there which is unwanted. The stress of the move which this results in adds to the fact that you’re paying for so much. I’m guessing you don’t get any help financially with getting life together from either parent? This is a real struggle for alot of people as life costs alot. I’d ask if you have anyone else you could roomie with, maybe a friend or two. That way you could keep your current job/get a new job you’re more comfortable with and it might be easier for you than it currently is.
As if this wasn’t enough you also feel like your dad isn’t supportive of you. I wish i could help you in this situation. Your Parents should be the ones who got your back no matter what. they should encourage and help you get to where you want to be as an indivual. As humans we all crave recognition and strive towards carving out our own identity, so when someone who’re that close to you, and who are supposed to have your back, is denying you that… I get why that is frustrating not just as his son , but also on a personal level. It’s my belief that people should be able to be who they wanna be and do what they wanna do (as long as it’s not breaking any laws or hurting anyone ofc) I don’t think you’re doing anything which warrants him to be this judgemental. I just think he might have his own vision of what he wants his son to be like, but it is wrong of him to not support your vision of how you wanna be.
With all of these things going on around you, it’s no surprise that your motivation to do school work has taken a hit. You kinda need things to go well for you, the way you want them to, if you want your motivation to be on top, I personally also had this dip in middle and high school with everything that was going on in my life. I also see how this can lead to alot of extra stress and anxiety on top of what you already have, as school kinda determines your future in a way. I can only say that i believe in you and hope you make it through school, as i feel that you think school is important. I’m rooting for you
I think it’s very good that you’re in a band and feel passionate about music. I think doing what i’m passionate about is therapeutic in some sense and i hope it feels the same for you. Does your fellow bandmembers know about your situation? Maybe you can pour some of these experiences into your music. Alot of bands do.
I’m sorry that this is all happening, but I believe in you, you can find solutions, you can make things work in your favor. Shutting down, all though it’s an easy and very tempting option when stuff isn’t going right for you, is not what you really want to do. You want to feel like you’re doing life right, and like you’re getting recognized for what you do and who you are in a positive way. Feel free to message me if you need, and keep me posted. You are loved, my friend
Life is so much more than this ~Hushy
Thank you all so much, it’s an incredible feeling to have so much positive feedback in a short time and in a rough time. With your guys support I’ve felt more comfortable in a sense of having people there that have dealt with the same thing and knowing I’m not alone in this which is how I’ve felt for a long time and really haven’t wanted to open up to anyone, not even a therapist because I’m more of an introvert but the heartsupport gave me more hope and made me more comfortable opening up about it because I’ve always felt like talking about problems would annoy people and push them away. But I’m trying to be more optimistic about everything that’s going on and even registered my first car yesterday and feel like things will start to get better since I’ve had all of your guys help. I’ve always had trouble believing when people say things will get better or when people say they can relate but it’s been easier seeing as in all of you have talked about your story’s as well and like I said made me feel not alone.
@ABR73
Here is our video response with Jake Luhrs of ABR. I hope this is an encouragement to you, Hold Fast:
This was truly incredible and put me in tears. It’s been awhile since I’ve been back on and am just now seeing this and I can’t explain how touching it is to have the support from all of you and especially Jake whom I’ve looked up to for years and has inspired me and my music and for him to take the time to respond has helped in the biggest way, especially hearing from him and what he had to say. It’s been awhile since the situation with my dad, and the relationship is still vague between us and the communication has stopped for the most part but mainly because anytime I try to talk to him he doesn’t seem to care what I have to talk about and only cares about the video games he plays. But besides that situation the living situation has gotten better and I luckily haven’t moved and feel more confident about what’s going to happen after 18 and being in my own. And as for having love and support and being with someone I love I’ve found someone who’s made me the happiest I’ve been and treats me with the utmost respect and supports everything I want to do and I can’t thank her enough.