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Too young to do anything about anything

Just hopping on to vent. I don’t expect anything to come of this, but I just want to talk for a while. My mom is struggling mentally and financially, but I’m too young to get a job. My dad lives in another state and he’s trying to get custody so he doesn’t have to pay child support. My brother is struggling with anorexia, depression, anxiety, and others which is hard on all of us. I am stuck. I have anxiety too, but I can’t get help because we can’t afford it. Which I’m ok with, my brother has it worse. I’m not complaining. It just feels like I’ll never be able to do anything about my situation. And I know what you’re thinking, “you’re too young to worry like this, you have your whole life ahead of you!”. I know that, and that’s what scares me. My uncle is going to help me get into a college and I’m going to try, but it feels like time is frozen right now and I can’t get out. I think of living with my dad just to ease the pain on my mom financially, but she would break down if we got taken away from her. I don’t know what to do and it feels like I’m drowning. Anyways, enough of me complaining. Thanks for reading.

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Welcome to the community friend! You’re in good company here.

Just because your brother “has it worse” doesn’t mean your anxiety isn’t valid.

No one here is thinking “you’re too young to worry like this.” Your experiences and feelings are valid, and addressing them as they’re happening will help keep you from being a fucked up adult who has no idea what’s wrong with them.

Your situation sucks, and I’m sorry you’re going through that. I don’t have any grand advice that will make it all better, but I hear you.

I think you owe it to yourself to put yourself in the best situation you can. If you aren’t getting adequate care from your mom and have a better opportunity with your dad, I think you need to seize it. That doesn’t mean you love your mom less or are giving up on her, and that’s something you can make clear to her. How she responds is on her, but you don’t owe it to her to short-change your life to help her when she’s barely holding on. There’s a difference between making a loving sacrifice and getting dragged under yourself, and you are on the wrong side of that.

There is a practice in Al-Anon called Letting Go with Love. The script and the sentiment it conveys go something like this: Mom, I love you and will always love you. I hope you can find peace, stability, and happiness in your life. Right now though, I can’t be involved in your misery. It’s eating away at me, and I need to live my life for me so I have something to give back. I hope we can have a relationship when you get better, but right now I am setting a boundary for my own good. I love you.

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