Torn Apart

The shots went okay. They hurt much more than last time but I didn’t fight it as much. That makes me much more worried for next time than last time. Are they going to hurt even worse next time?

I thought I had passed this. But it just keeps coming back. I’ve been having terrible nights full of unclean cuts and scratches. I just can’t get him away. What would he think of me hurting myself? How would he feel? Why would I do such a terrible thing, if I knew it would just devastate him? I wish I could control myself. I wish I would get older so I could get a therapist or counselor or something of that sort. I need to stop loving him. I’ll never see him again. But it doesn’t matter anyways. I’ll be dead by the day I ever find a girl to replace him.

Swix is a stupid name. Why did I name my cuts that way?


Hey swim, I wish I could give you a solid answer as to whether the next ones will hurt as much or more or less. You’ve done incredibly well and I know how scary it has been for you.

Are your parents aware of how you’re feeling? Even if it’s just to tell them you’re struggling.