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Toxic abusive narcissistic ex

Sorry about the long post ahead I just have no idea what to do.

I was in a toxic relationship with my ex for about a year and a half. He was my first boyfriend and someone I thought cared about me. During almost the entire relationship he was verbally and emotionally abusive, calling me a bitch, throwing huge tantrums when he was mad and leaving only to come back and expect me to get over it or he would start slamming things like doors or slam his hand hard on the wall or table to scare me and made remarks about my weight. I was never really allowed to be upset about things whether it had to do with him or not no matter how traumatic the situation was. He would just yell at me and tell me I was selfish or to just get over it. It started out with him love-bombing me but I didn’t think much of it. I should’ve ended things after the first red flag but I didn’t. Things only got worse. He would talk to ex’s and flirt with other girls behind my back. When I would call him out he would get very hot-headed and blow up on me, storm out, then come back later get on his knees and tell me he was sorry and that it would never happen again. This was a biweekly thing it felt like. When we broke up the first time I lost all motivation and felt so miserable. I had a really bad seizure during this time and lost my memory. I woke up confused I felt like I had just died and didn’t know where I was at I blew up his phone not knowing where he was or why I was back at my mom’s house and nobody wanted to tell me that we had broken up. We eventually started talking again and i had no memory of all the ugly things he did before I was just so happy to have him back in my life. This is when I started getting my memories back but he changed for the better this time around so I stayed. He was determined, he had goals, and said that no matter what happened he was gonna marry me and never leave my side because he realized how big of a mistake he made when I left, he stopped using drugs, he would write me poems about how much he loved me, drawings of our future family and even got a tattoo for me. It seemed like he had really changed. One day out of nowhere he starts ignoring me. Then turned around and told me that i was the one making him depressed, he didn’t know if he loved me anymore, that i ruined his life, that i never loved him,that i was selfish, and that he had always felt this way towards me and for me to just leave. This went on for a while. I eventually did leave and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt free, I didn’t have anxiety about getting yelled at or is today the day he finally hits me?. He blocked me on everything and that was that. A couple of weeks go by and i find out he’s saying that he was basically the victim, that he had been “trying” to get in contact with me every day but i won’t answer him (but I’m still blocked) and everyone is believing him. I have been followed already and someone has come to my house to key my grandmas car when i wasn’t home. I have had past friends that I did not expect stalk my page for him and i am constantly hearing about how people are talking about me and take his side. I am under a lot of stress currently and do not know what to do. I have friends and family tell me not to entertain him or anything and i have tried but i am getting so stressed from everything. I have also been told to file a restraining order against him but i don’t know what i would need. I regret ever dating him and i regret even more taking him back.

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I think you need to listen to your family and friends and not talk to him at all and stop the cycle.

You can call your police department and get information for getting a restraining order, but unless he’s actually done something to endanger you, it will be hard to get.

Stay safe!

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Hey, I’m so sorry for what you had to go through. Narsassists are horrible and just don’t know how to look in the mirror and see how disgusting they truly are. Instead they like to project themselves onto the weak and pretend to be the victim to make themselves feel better, in that way they can convince themselves they are a good person. They’re disgusting and cowardly little shits. I’ve been through a similar situation but with a best friend. In their minds they think that doing something for someone means they’re letting themselves be manipulated because they don’t have the mental capacity to think for anyone but themselves, so when they go through those “phases” of being really caring and suddenly turning the other cheek, that’s them realizing how horrible they are and trying to change, and then suddenly going back to old ways because they think “why should I feel bad for being a such a shitty person?” They cant ever see their true self other then how “good” and “caring” and “kind” and “empathetic” they are, and they love to see the worst in people to make themselves feel on a higher level than others to fulfill their bullshit god-complex. This is all bullshit they tell themselves to make up for the things they do. I could go on such a deep rant on how much these kinda of people disgust me and how much I fucking despise their very existence, and I’m so sorry they’re getting people to stalk you and harass you. I understand how hard that is to ignore, because you can’t just ignore that you’re being put in danger. That’s just not possible. Defiently keep record of everything that’s going on. Screenshot, take pictures, keep a mic on you if needed, always have a weapon on you. I know exaughsting that can be, but it really does help in these situations. As long as you have evidence you can let the police know, for now you could try just filing a report. I know what you’re going through is scary, but don’t go through it alone. That’s where you will lose your sanity. Please try to find a place you can physically go that is safe and try to let as many people you know know, because information is best kept spread when you’re in danger. Maybe for the social media screenshot all the things he’s done and post it, but that may not help if they just don’t want to leave you alone. People are crazy so may be best to delete all social media. That always helps a bit. But it doesn’t take away the actual problem, it just changes it to where you don’t have to see it anymore.

I swear to fucking hell this world is so fucking upside-down. All the best people get hurt and all the worst people are praised for it. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

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I’m so sorry that you had to go through such a horrible experience. The best thing to do is to avoid all contact with him. I agree with @Lizzy that you should call the local police just to have the info of how to proceed further, if you choose to do so.

I would also suggest you lock down your social media, and not post any sort of personal information on it (where you’ve gone, who you’ve hung out with, where you’re planning to visit, etc). I dunno how big an adjustment that would be for you, depending on how active you are online, but limited info given out so that he is starved on info.

Get some security cameras, expenses permitting, so that you can have records of who is coming around to interfere with cars, etc. This would give you some peace of mind, as well as evidence if needed.

Hope you are recovering well now, and that you can find some feelings of safety at home.

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Oh honey, I am so sorry about some of your health concerns that you have been facing lately. I hope you are getting better and improving on that front.

My heart hurts so much for you and I know how this looks in my own personal life. This was my childhood and no one deserves to be treated like this. Sometimes, the best things we can do is to allow a season of life to fade so we can allow a new season to come into our lives. I know it will be difficult and sometimes heartbreaking, but for your health, your mental health and for your overall well being…it is time to let go.

This person is not a good thing to your life. They bring you down. They spread lies about you, which are not true. They do not create positive events in your life.

Chase the sunshine. Find the good things. Hold onto good friendships. Life has its rough spots, but life can be beautiful as well. You deserve a beautiful, wonderful and fulfilling life.

You are worthy.
You are beautiful.
You are wonderful.
You are valid,

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hi @blackcat13 ,

i am so incredibly sorry you are in this situation. i can’t even begin to imagine the fear and anxiety that is overwhelming you right now and while i wish i can give you a hug, please know that i am virtually by your side in this and will be cheering you on in your journey to achieve security and peace again.

the biggest thing i need to say is that none of this, and i repeat, NONE of this is your fault. abusers are sneaky and narcissistic and someone with a beautiful heart like yours does not deserve this treatment. but i know you will overcome it. i believe in you.

i do need to ask though is if you have the ability to install a doorbell camera to be able to provide extra security in your life? i hate that he’s gotten others involved and that, while it’s in people’s nature, they assume a situation is only in black-and-white and refuse to hear your actual victim side. it’s horrible but the only things you can do include extra security (cams) and ignoring him. he wants your attention so don’t give that horrible man any more of your time and effort than you already have.

i’ll end this post by saying how much i admire your strength, perseverance, and ability to think through your options to protect yourself and family. you are loved, you are valued, and you are going to make it through this. let me know if you need ANYTHING, my friend.

love,
twix

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Hello @blackcat13

Firstly, I’m so very sorry you have been hurt so badly by this person. I can’t imagine how much this hurts, as you said he love-bombed you and then like a switch was flipped it was the opposite.

This is not right. You deserve to be safe and loved. There are situations to forgive and forget, this is not one of them. You need to protect yourself.

Please take your safety seriously. I really do recommend reporting any events that happen like the car keying etc so there is a record of the ongoing issues. I would also recommend if someone is watching your social media for him, to fully disconnect from it so that you aren’t given clues to where you are/will be. Ignore him, don’t let him or his friends back into your circle.

Please ensure you always have a family member aware of where you are if you go out/get home. Security cameras would be a good idea if you can setup something.

Sorry if this sounds intense but it is very serious when it comes to stalkers/harassment. I hope it all settles down and he starts to leave you alone, but until that day, be careful.

Believe me when I say it will get better, you will find someone who cherishes you and would never yell/scare/hurt you in the way you have been by your ex.

Keep talking to your family about this stuff and maybe seek out counselling/therapy as well.

Take care/Mish

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@blackcat13
Hi Friend
I am so very very sorry you are having to deal with all of this, it all sounds so intense and frightening and its not fair at all because none of this is your fault!!! your ex is a bully and that is not your fault!!! you dated a guy and thankfully you are now out of that situation, you cant change the past but you can do everything you can to keep yourself safe now.
My suggestion would be to get yourself a doorbell camera, my mother has one and they are brilliant, no one can come near her place without me knowing about it and i have a record of all of the people that do until i choose to delete that record. Also you really do need to inform the police, they will tell you how to go about getting a restraining order, that is their job, you do not need to worry about those things, they are there to help you.
As for your ex and the people on social media, you really are better staying clear of them, not for them but for your own peace of mind.
Your own mental well being is the most important thing right now. You have been through enough. You are worth so much more than this. You are a valuable worthwhile wonderful human being who should be treated with respect and valued.
In future you should expect and accept nothing less from anyone.
Please stay in touch, I want to know that you are doing ok.
Much Love
Lisa :heart:

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