Sorry about the long post ahead I just have no idea what to do.
I was in a toxic relationship with my ex for about a year and a half. He was my first boyfriend and someone I thought cared about me. During almost the entire relationship he was verbally and emotionally abusive, calling me a bitch, throwing huge tantrums when he was mad and leaving only to come back and expect me to get over it or he would start slamming things like doors or slam his hand hard on the wall or table to scare me and made remarks about my weight. I was never really allowed to be upset about things whether it had to do with him or not no matter how traumatic the situation was. He would just yell at me and tell me I was selfish or to just get over it. It started out with him love-bombing me but I didn’t think much of it. I should’ve ended things after the first red flag but I didn’t. Things only got worse. He would talk to ex’s and flirt with other girls behind my back. When I would call him out he would get very hot-headed and blow up on me, storm out, then come back later get on his knees and tell me he was sorry and that it would never happen again. This was a biweekly thing it felt like. When we broke up the first time I lost all motivation and felt so miserable. I had a really bad seizure during this time and lost my memory. I woke up confused I felt like I had just died and didn’t know where I was at I blew up his phone not knowing where he was or why I was back at my mom’s house and nobody wanted to tell me that we had broken up. We eventually started talking again and i had no memory of all the ugly things he did before I was just so happy to have him back in my life. This is when I started getting my memories back but he changed for the better this time around so I stayed. He was determined, he had goals, and said that no matter what happened he was gonna marry me and never leave my side because he realized how big of a mistake he made when I left, he stopped using drugs, he would write me poems about how much he loved me, drawings of our future family and even got a tattoo for me. It seemed like he had really changed. One day out of nowhere he starts ignoring me. Then turned around and told me that i was the one making him depressed, he didn’t know if he loved me anymore, that i ruined his life, that i never loved him,that i was selfish, and that he had always felt this way towards me and for me to just leave. This went on for a while. I eventually did leave and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt free, I didn’t have anxiety about getting yelled at or is today the day he finally hits me?. He blocked me on everything and that was that. A couple of weeks go by and i find out he’s saying that he was basically the victim, that he had been “trying” to get in contact with me every day but i won’t answer him (but I’m still blocked) and everyone is believing him. I have been followed already and someone has come to my house to key my grandmas car when i wasn’t home. I have had past friends that I did not expect stalk my page for him and i am constantly hearing about how people are talking about me and take his side. I am under a lot of stress currently and do not know what to do. I have friends and family tell me not to entertain him or anything and i have tried but i am getting so stressed from everything. I have also been told to file a restraining order against him but i don’t know what i would need. I regret ever dating him and i regret even more taking him back.