Toxic? Or am I expecting too much

Ive had a friend for about 2 years now and things just don’t feel right. Theres times where Him and I have a good time and other times where I start to feel like im being used. He will take things of mine without asking, and after confronting him about it, he brushes it off by saying “oh you dont use it so i figured you dont care”. He cant drive so every time we hang out, im the one picking him up and driving him places. He almost never gives me gas money or anything to show he appreciates me driving. His whole mindset revolves around “youre making the choice to do these things and i don’t owe you anything” and he isnt wrong about that, but is wanting something in return too much to ask for? Its hard for me to tell if im being used or if im expecting too much from him.

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He can’t be allowed to just take things that are yours, even if you’re not using them. And as for gratitude, well, some people are just kinda assholes, and it is up to you to accept that or not. I don’t see him as toxic though, as from what you describe his actions are not deliberate. He just seems rude and lazy.
But no matter what he does, it is your choice to put up with it or not, and if you’re inbetween, maybe it’s time someone, you, teaches him some manners in a kind way. Call him out on his shit, tell him he’s being rude when he is rude.

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@RamJamNutslam, trust me, never let a friend use you. You start to get used to it. You start to think it’s okay. But it’s not. Show that guy that you don’t owe him anything either, and if he’s not acting right, drop him before he makes you feel worse about yourself. Friends are supposed to make you happy, make you laugh, and support you. Set this guy right. Even if he’s not doing this on purpose, set him right anyway as a favor, because in life, this behaviour will not help him.

Never give up! :slight_smile:
-Jinx

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Thank you guys for the support! I’m not a very confrontational person which is my own problem, but I feel like if I say “hey man I feel like I’m being used or being treated unfairly” he might just get defensive and that’ll cause more issues.

What is the other option? Say nothing and let this happen and feel bad about it? If you feel this strongly about it, say something, and yes, your words are pretty fair. At least then there is conversation. Right now there is no conversation and you are already imagining his reaction, but you don’t know that for sure. Is he your only friend? Will you be friendless without this person in your life? Or will your life be better without him?

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Hey @RamJamNutslam

I would say that it is t okay for him to be taking things without your knowledge, even if he doesn’t think you use it. It’s your property so you’re the one that gets to dictate if you do or don’t want/use it.

As for the driving. If I’m driving people I usually ask for gas money. But also, if it’s only a few miles then I personally wouldn’t worry about it, but if you’re driving back and forth to different places then I would say you’re in the right to ask for money for gas.

There are a lot of ways that I think you could approach the situation without making it too “confrontational”. I know that I hate confrontation too so I always try and figure it ways around it or at least ways that would aim at defusing the situation. So I would just say something like “ hey, it sort of bothers me a little when you take an item of mine without asking, I’m usually okay with giving you something, but I don’t think it’s right for you to just take it without me knowing, next time you could just ask of let me know?” And then for gas money you could say something along the lines of “hey, gas is kinda pricy, would you mind chipping in for the gas because I have to drive us all the time?” Or say you’re gonna go eat or go to the movies or something you could ask “since I’m driving would you mind paying for the food?”

There are a lot of ways to talk about it. But I truly don’t think it is fair to you and I don’t think that he’s treating you right or with respect.

I hope this helped.
Hannah

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