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Transformation from the depths of darkness to awakened to awareness (tw: abuse/harassment)

Dear fellow survivors I would like to first thanks heartsupport for giving me opportunity to share my story. I have reached out to request help to find good people who have shared similar journey like myself. Before the pandemic i suffered serious emotional abuse from a individual on my previous toxic workplace who wooed lured me into falling for the individual. It’s only later i found the indiviual had another partner on the side. This individual was disrespective towards myself put on a different face to the outside world. Only i could see the ugly side of this individual. I began to research and found out this individual is a covert malignant narcissist. The woman yes the woman turned out to be a narcisssist name called behind my back, lashed, gaslighted, demanded, portraying the face of a demon devil with rage and anger. I knew that point i came into contact the demon devil. I began to research and get into information on spiritualty the spiritual warfare that it is real every single mement there is spiritual war is going where the demons are fighting and winning with all the injustice in the world people hurting others in unimaginable ways with deceit lies deception of all which i suffered at the hands of this woman. I was felt seriously heartbroken i had to go through a really dificult time what followed was nothing i dreamt i had to quit my job eventually after being threatned by her friend if i speak to her i will be reported to managment. The management were not helping me either they wanted to get rid of me too from sources i heard. So i was not only fighing with the woman and her flying monkeys and troops who she successfully manipulated to turning against me and the company in no way helping me the company was on the side of the woman narcissist. After leaving i applied for many places to get a job. One place i went i did the interview i went as close as it is to getting selected only for the company to tell me they like me but they feel i don’t have the experience to get the job. That was another setback massive loss. Over the period of 2 plus years this happened. I found myself during this 2 plus years without any job had to isolate myself could not call anyone from my previous workplace my friend as they were all in to get something from me. I found out they were not genuine. During that period i had to do innter work started to do mindfulness yofa meditation slowly i got in access to my unconscious and realised i had limiting beliefs i cleared them. After nearly 4 years leaving the workplace the pandemic only delayed my isolation although having found work at the start of year 2020 i found it hard with medical condition working on the trains with movement causing dizziness headaches nausea. i still have not been able to associate with anyone who i could call friend i could share and talk to on a continuous basis. As for relationship goes i’m still in healing. I’m not ready to find another relationship. I need help i’m still hurting there is a girl where i go and work resembles the previous woman i get anxiety my heart literally pains. I got into a problem with the girl. I need help coping with this. During the more than 2 years i took several therapies including the likes emdr psychodynamic therapy cbt eft. I’m also in the process of working on a plan to go abroad and do a training which i believe will help with my healing. Also check out my blog on medium to read more about my journey here is the link A transformation from the depths of darkness through intense pain to being awakened to known awareness | by Frank M Ste | Oct, 2021 | Medium. and share them to people you kno also reach out to me people…Thanks

Frank M Ste


It’s awesome to hear of your development to your own personal freedom!

I am extremely sorry you have had to deal with horrible people like this in your life. I have suffered at the hands of sociopaths and narsassists for about half of my life and I can say at the very least, it is not a fun experience.

I’m sorry she hurt you so much, and I’m sorry the love you experienced was toxic and indeed not healthy love at all. I really don’t blame you for your trust issues and you anger. People in this world can be… Absolutely and shockingly disturbing. I have dealt with them alot in my life, as well as having a close friend who hurt me as she hurt you. He was my best friend, and loved him but he abused me and turned other people against me. And somehow lives with himself knowing I attempted suicide from it. Ofc he is a full-blown narsassist so all he saw was me being the toxic one and me being “attention seeking” and “in his way” and was so self absorbed in his own bullshit that’s pretty much all he saw.

Idk how they so easily manage to get people under them so easily, getting people to beleive them, they probably just put in alot of work. But hey, I have one solution to that: microphones and hidden cams. Always works. Just don’t let them twist that shit on you too, because they always find a way to hurdle over it. Dealing with narsassists everywhere is a fucking struggle and its sad so many of them are in this world. I think the best way to stop people like this is to help the people around us so they don’t hurt or abuse people and end up giving them these mental illnesses, as well as helping the victims for it. Because sadly there is no cure to people like this, they don’t want to be cured.

I have heard about that war, information war, idk much about it but I am very much seeing it. People are filled with alot of toxicity nowadays, and it’s causing the people who want to change it to give up or succumb to that toxicity because they’re surrounded by it so much. It’s pretty dissapointing to see tbh. For some reason the worst people in this world thrive while the good suffer under their hands. I absolutely fucking hate it. And I all I want to is bring us all together to make this place better, to fight back. Because how else are we supposed to put an end to this? Well, first off we can’t let ourselves be wooed or controlled by them, and to do that is to see through their shit and document it as much as we can so if someone tries to pull shit on you just show them. As for the rest, the best thing to do is help inform as many people as possible for as long as we can, the world can be best saved by spread of information afterall.

I’m glad you were finally able to jump back into the workplace, keep your head up, don’t let these people control or manipulate you. And I hope you are able to safely recover from that said despicable person.

Things will get better eventually, just keep moving forwards, youre already getting there ^~^



Recently on a place i work long from my base i have to take the train. I saw a school girl resemblace of the previous narc. First i felt very angry then i taught to myself she is not her. I must not see her as her. Then somehow was that a calling or i don’t kno i had this urge to go and speak to the girl about something more about school as a whole. Maybe whether an energetic intuitive my energies picked up to go and talk to the kid. I was told not to approach the school kids. I wanted to speak to the kid about my idea. Which was how are you guys nd girls finding it with pandemic.

This happened back in late june of this year. I could not speak to the kid as i suffered severe anxiety because it caused me trigger response. I tried to speak 3 times i could not the kid mistaken me as someone who want to take advantage. I noticed the kid was feeling angry brought her friend with her, Next time i saw the kid i wrote my past and gave it to her she read the first bit where i explained about the emotional abuse i suffered at the hands of this women and that society teaches young girls women to be able to share and protect themselves from strangers. I said i suffered emotional abuse at the hands of this narcissist on my past which left me psychologically spiritually to the point of becoming physically gone. I thought she will understand my pain and get the hint i was hurt she did not i told one of my supervisors on the station about the situation. She was afraid to talk to the kid. I finally asked her i want to know her then she refused i said i did not see you as a romantic interest i saw you more like my sister. While there were some attraction on my side although i know it was risky i resisted the attraction. She refused to let me know about her. After saying i saw her as a sister her reaction changed. And then i left. The following week not knowing it was the last week of the school before they break up for the summer break. I told the kid clearly i’m leaving i want to speak to your family member she again got very scared as she thought i want to speak to them about liking the kid and i’m serious about the commitment.

It’s really difficutl when the kid misunderstood everyhing. I said to the kid why do you see me as a stranger who want to take advantage of you i did not want to speak to them about liking you i reitrated remember the other day i said besides i’m still healing from the past. She did not let me speak to her parents or family member. The thing i wanted to speak to them about was the kids in general are they good despite the pandemic. Are they suffering and just trying to hid their pain. She did not let me say this to them they could have listened and made a point on amongst other family members of the school kids. This was a idea that somehow i got it from my spiritual aspects. It all went as a mess. As i was certain i was going to leave the workplace because of the kid resemblace as i was really hurt deep my heart hurt literally when i saw the kid in the late june. After the summer break i came back the kid told her friend it seemed. They both pulled of the stunt of hiding her on the train while i came to work. It was extremely hurtful it brought back memories of the past. I broke down on my way home that day. I have not felt this much pain since leaving the narcissist. Then few days later i saw both her and her friend i said i’m sorry i should not have talked to you in that way. She actually smiled while my body language did not change one single bit my eyes was so down i nearly broke down that’s how much pain i was. I said she does not want to talk or even see me she can leave i will talk to you she went behind her friend i spoke to her friend that i’m due to leave in the next month. I even showed her the friend the date of my training program. Then asked her friend is that ok. She said yes. Then few days later the following week they both saw me they were smiling and ran away.

I was still in pain i did not see them. Then next day I was standing on the station of the her town with my supervisor she was there waiting for her family member to pick up i did not see her i turned my back. After being brutally said nos number of times how could i even go and speak to the kid. The next day some of her people came threatened me she said no why are you keep speaking to her harrassing her. It’s funny similar incident happened with the narcisssit which was seriously painful. That was when i became really upset. I don’t kno if the girls know about this. I could not speak to the kids about anything now. A plan i had to speak to people to benefit the schools. Because of my anxeity i could not speak to other kids. As they may not understand my previous hurt. I thought the kid will but she did not. I did not even go to the kid to speak about liking her although the first time i saw her i don’t know why i said it maybe because of the trigger. I said she was pretty. Then i knew i made someone feel hurt i said it. But the mistake i made was to get on the train. I shouldn’t have got on the train. Then everytime i spoke to the kid i did not get on the train.of the front coach atleast. With circumstances playing with pandemic ban. Everything is in chaos. Please people any suggestion. I’m planning to leave next month my current workplace. It is tough i don’t have anyone to call a significant other because of the devastated experience i went through. I may have just one or two left to even go for when it comes to having a good girlfriend. It’s tough fate is playing with me. I’m extremely hurt with the current circumstances affecting my training work which is even out of the country. I had to invest for this too. It was not easy. I just want to go as far as away as possible from the narcissist.

I read through your posts, thank you for reaching out here.

In all relationships, there should be boundaries and respect for them. When she has made it clear that she feels uncomfortable, and have had other intervene, why are you still focusing on her? At the least you are disrespecting quite clear boundaries she and others have established. I’m glad you’ve had therapies and internal work done to try to heal from past negative experiences.

However, putting so much energy and effort into getting this one person to understand you, seems this school girl is not responsible for making you feel happier, or understanding you. Please do consider respecting her and the other people around her who have asking you to keep away from her. It has been many months, this cannot be a healthy approach to keep on harassing her to be your friend/sister/understand you.


Hey @Blisnes1,

First off, thank you for reaching out. I’m glad you feel safe enough here to share your struggles with us.

As for your first post, I would like to say that I am sorry you’ve been in that type of relationship. Enduring someone’s narcissism and abuse is something really difficult and painful to overcome. As you described, people can be very manipulative and it’s hard to see clearly through them at first. We want affection. We want to be loved, so we are sometimes ready to accept things that shouldn’t happen… until we can’t take it anymore.

You’ve been grieving a lot during two years and your determination to not let this experience defeat you is admirable. Although it seems that you didn’t really have the possibility to find some closure (yet) regarding the hurt that it has caused you.

As for the situation with the girl you’ve mentioned, there isn’t two ways to go with it: you need to stay away from her. She is not the person you were with before. She’s a different person, with a different story, and she deserves her privacy to be respected. Focusing on her as you’ve been doing is not healthy. She’s not a narcisisst as far as it seems anyway. She’s not trying to manipulate you or put you down. She’s only trying to leave her life, and you have to leave her alone from now on.

You are currently projecting your past story and your need for a missed affection onto her, which is not healthy. It’s a cycle that needs to be broken down, and the best route to take right now would be to make sure to talk about it with a therapist (or your therapist, if you are currently seeing one). Obsessions make sense, but they can end up hurting everyone. You don’t want that nor for her or yourself. So, right now you need to distance yourself from her and you have to make sure that you receive the support you need in order to deal with a pain that you’ve been still carrying from your past relationship.

Healing takes time, especially from abuse. Make sure to not let this past experience make you someone you don’t want to be - like fixating on someone and being trapped in this. Relationships and love are not this. It’s going to be important for you to make sure to talk about it with a professional. Don’t stay alone with these thoughts and hurt. Keep getting help as you’ve been doing after your break up. There are things you still need to work on, which is okay.

Hold Fast.


Things are sorted from the kid and me. She and friend smiled when i apologised she could not hide her joy. She went behind her friend. However i still feel the pain. I know i made her uncomfortable you know when i saw her in july to give her the letter about my past how difficult the past was i told her i wanted to make you safe. I said that she smiled. You know. She has not got any more fear around me. Yesterday she walked right past my presence with her friend. They walked very slowly. I did not see the kid as i was in pain. I don’t know i want to the see the kids who confronted me and the kid tell them that i’m leaving its been a pleasure been working here in this place for the best part of 4 months. When the kids came and spoke to me about the kid i told them. I’m in pain i want to leave the workplace and go out of the country. You know they could see it in my eyes. I was not lying. Because you can see it in someone’s eyes if they are telling the truth or lying. I’m on a quest to help other abuse survivors and people who suffered from anxiety depression. I have had the chance to be able to visit my local community mental health centre where i saw people suffering from several mental health condition. I spoke to them. I could feel their pain and empathy. These are the experience and my own personal suffering journey which will make me to become a inspirational for the younger and the older.

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it’s good that you want to help others, but you do need to work on boundaries.

It is unfair to that kid that you pestered her for so long, and tried to get her to share your burden. You need to understand that a child should not be forced to share the emotional burdens of an adult.

It’s unfair for you to keep after her until she gave in and became friendly. You are making a big point of saying that their body language and faces said one thing, but they have clearly with their words told you something different. This MUST NOT be overlooked. Please do not invalidate the things they clearly said.

You must listen when someone tell you no, even if its causes you pain and sadness.

Please do talk to your therapist or counsellor about this, and start working on how to channel those feelings into an appropriate manner. We want you to be able to heal from your past and be able to have a better relationship in the future. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it. Let someone who’s trained help you to process all these feelings and thoughts, so that your interactions are also appropriate, respectful and within the boundaries people are comfortable with.


Let’s be human as well as spiritual boundaries aside. We are talking i went overboard with how terrible i had to deal with the triggers i have in my current workplace. The most important thing to note is i’m not asking her to be my sister. I said that so she doesn’t think i like her for romance love and you kno what i don’t want to say. I see all the kids as my fellow sisters and brothers in human standpoint. Remember from my spiritual awakening i have had spiritual growth. The kids know i’m not a threat to them. I won’t be uncomfortable to them. They saw my eyes they know it. Why did they walk slow then when i was around. If they feel uncomfortable around me they would walk fast or run or take a different route. Explain me that. They could sense my energy being in a calm state. I was listening to a powerful meditation during the time they came. The fact that my station supervisor know about this situation shows there is nothing suspicious and uncomfortable. I did what was best was to go and apologise to the kid for making her feel uncomfortable. I did not pester her i wanted to deliver an idea that’s all. In the letter it was clear i suffered severe pain. Coming from an understanding standpoint people would understand. She is still young as she grows she will know this experience. I don’t understand why she did not take that as a calling awakening that god is conversing. It was not my idea it was from the higher spiritual power. Only people who went through crisis. Remember not only was the narcissist i had to deal with the pain i was jobless for best part of more than 2 years how would that feel. I was literally died and had resurrected new life.

This is why I suggested you learn boundaries and limitations. This surely must be covered early on in any training, because it is important that you be aware of what and how you are sharing your energies. Your spiritual growth and gifts do NOT give you the right to decide how others behave.

You sound like you wanted to share your pain with this one specific person, and you didn’t really care what she said in reply. You wanted to deliver an idea - which you did, and she and others told you to keep away, which you kept on ignoring. She has no obligation to believe what you believe. She has a right to say no to that, and to be respected.

We all have to be accountable for our decisions and our behaviour. We exist in a society with rules and codes of behaviour. Words are important. I’ll ask that you focus on what people say with their words, and not try to find the hidden meaning in gestures and faces, which can be misleading and wrong. Do you think that makes any sense?


I feel like you are not trying to help here. Why would the kids smile multiple times. You are telling me their words are more important than body language. I disagree in many circumstances you know someone is hiding something that’s where your intuition comes in. The kid knew i was not a threat she wanted to say it someone because of the society the word you described everywhere fear anxiety always have to look out the fear based environment the society has taught us. I’m on a bigger mission to tackle these issues when i’m completely recovered and get my goal training on. I feel people need to have the awareness and understanding to figure out who is the perpetrator and who is the innocent. I have evidence to back my case i was not making anyone feel uncomfortable. Because i was not behaving inappropriate or using abusive language or threatening her. I’m the abuse survivor only abuse survivors know what it feels like to be on the other end of an abuse. I don’t know if you have experienced what i have experienced everyone’s journey is different. Understanding is key you cannot say have the right and that you cannot teach people if they can do whatever they want because they are looking at how they feel or how others make them feel.

To me this was a awakening for the kid and the other kids. My words are like lighting i speak and they are there. Because i have lived through the experience. I hope you understand you are speaking to someone who has gone through several transformation over the last 4 years. Remember that i’m an abuse survivor you don’t know what it is to have suffered abuse. I feel you are supporting the girl alt the while and not really understanding from my side you are only saying oh you need to converse with a therapist about boundaries. Time will come then all the kids who converse will understand what i said was right. Remember body language is more powerful than words. I’m surprised you did not give importance on body language. Anyone else please share your thoughts. It’s ok just viewing my story give me insight any suggestions of finding these like minded people.

There is truth to this, because it appears to me that you did not look at things from the underage child’s perspective, and I wanted to protect the child from discomfort. I believe in giving people a voice. Just as I am glad you found a voice and are sharing and posting here.

I would like us all to believe and respect others when they say “no” to us. There is power in being able to stand up for yourself, and no-one should ever disrespect our saying no. Words of “no” are not open to interpretation. Body language is not reliable. We sometimes see what we want to see. Please be aware of that.
I also wanted to point out to you that you did clearly disrespect what she and her people stated to you about leaving her alone.

That’s all I wanted you to think about. Hope others jump in with other perspectives/advice. I am sorry that you felt abused and traumatized by your past. I hope you continue to learn and grow. I will not reply anymore to let others have their say.


There is no good or bad people, in my opinion. As human beings, we are able to do harm and good regardless, and it is up to us to be reasonable and accountable in the decisions we make.

I hope you understand you are speaking to someone who has gone through several transformation over the last 4 years.

I will be direct here, so please bear with me, because I’m fully aware that the conversation is difficult, if not painful, right now: what you’ve been through is important and we are glad you’ve managed to grow as you needed, to create sense out of a situation that felt like a brutal storm to you and in your life. But it doesn’t make you someone special in any way - which is what your words convey here. Pain and sufferings are not to be judged from a value standpoint. They are at the measure of the person who live these experiences. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and I respect your growth. However, this will not prevent me from being honest with you when you share about being insistent with a girl who expressed her discomfort at some point.

In this community, we are all individuals who hold a story, and having suffered from something doesn’t prevent us from being human and needing to be able to receive feedback from others too. I’ve been through abuse. Assaults. Rape. I don’t think anyone will ever understand how it feels to be in my shoes. Though I’d like to remain open and curious to others perspectives, even when they haven’t experienced what I had, because they’re more likely to have a view that I wouldn’t be able to have myself. The emotions we carry from our experiences, the pride we also take from our growth, can become a trap sometimes.

To me this was a awakening for the kid and the other kids.

That is a very important thing that you say here. This is how it feels to you. But, just like we cannot really know how it is to be in your shoes, you cannot speak for them and interpret things for them. Their experiences and perceptions are their own.

I understand where you come from. And I understand why holding on to thoughts and beliefs that have been helping you to heal and survive is now a major component of how you create meaning around you. Though I would like to encourage you to not hold on to it to the point of ignoring others view, because they’ve not been through the same journey as yours, and they don’t have to.

You said: “Time will come then all the kids who converse will understand what i said was right.” - which is something you may feel deep in your heart and wish, but that is not something you can know nor affirm. Because it doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to them.

Remember body language is more powerful than words.

That is your point of view, but not an overall truth. Language comes in many ways, and what is more important to you can be different for someone else. The body can, in some situations, react in ways that we don’t control for example, especially in stressful or traumatic situations. There is not necessarily nor all the time a right association of what’s going on in our mind and the way we present ourselves physically. A woman who’s trying to be seductive for example isn’t necessarily saying that she wants to have sex. Thinking that she wants to have sex is already an interpretation of her behavior. And that’s how people conclude sometimes that saying no equals saying yes. That’s how sometimes people think they are friends while they’re not. That’s how people think sometimes that they had an agreement while that wasn’t the case. It’s miscommunication between a message and how it is interpreted. You are convinced of something, so you keep reading through this girl’s behavior what you want to see. It acts like a filter. And, as much as I understand that it might be frustrating to hear that, especially from strangers like us, it’s still important to learn to recognize it, because it’s actually part of your current triggers and pain.

A boundary is a boundary. No matter how it is expressed. No matter if it fits in our own definition or not. A boundary is a boundary for the other person, and we have no choice but to accept it, otherwise it comes off as harassment.

PS - the conversations are open to everyone here. I hear and understand that you expect something in particular in our responses. Though unfortunately, if you ask for members views and feeback, it is part of the contract to accept that some things might not be comfortable or what you want to read. We only function with both respect and honesty around here. And if that wasn’t the case from someone, they would be moderated.

We hear you. We want to encourage you in doing what is healthy for you in times to come. Encouraging you to see things from this girl’s perspective is, in your situation, part of trying to support you. You are absolutely free to agree or not, of course. But that is, I think, @Sita’s point here, and mine too. Rest assured that it comes with the best intentions, and that actually all of this is tied to your situation and how to learn to deal with it in a healthy way.


You know you people say the kid feel this and that in no time with few week the kid will forget about me. I’m slowly fading from the kid day by day. Soon i will go. I should have gone long time ago in late July itself out of the country if it wasn’t for the travel ban. The Govt slashed people’s dreams i don’t want to say which government you people will know get the hint. You know the last train is the same train that comes back when the school kids get on. The last train i will take to my base is the same train that comes and goes back to my base location. It’s hard to get on the train on my way to my base the memory is very painful. I don’t have anyone to call my friend. I also suffer from loneliness you know. It is excruciatingly painful. I believe pray everyday asking God why are you leading me to these situations where i experience more pain. I don’t feel happiness i suffered from post traumatic stress. It was not a normal experience in the blog i explain the therapy that is used for war soldiers emdr i took it. There were side effects after having a session which i had to invest a lot i feel tired sleep it’s hard to take it. I’m asking God to keep me going and make me survive so i can help other survivors and contribute to the world.

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Yes, it is unfair that non only you had to go through a relationship where abuse was present, but also as a result that you had to suffer multiple losses - your family, work, anchors that you had at the time. Somehow, to survive, you had to cut your own roots in order to grow and flourish in a different place. But that implied to be alone, at least at first, and to fight alone. It’s hard when not only you are processing a situation of abuse, but you are also somehow forced to grieve other losses on the top of it.

I imagine that it’s hard to see this girl who reminds you of someone you don’t want to think of. The perspective of moving away from her will be healthy, both for you and her.

What do you think could be your takeaways from this situation regarding your own healing journey? What does it say about your recovery/way to move on from your own traumas? For me personally, triggers can be hard to handle because it makes me feel like I haven’t grown as much as I though. It’s a little bit like having my hopes being shaken suddenly. So, as I see through your posts that somehow you already know what is the next step, that it involves to take some distance, how do you envision that? And what is the kind of “lesson” (for a lack of better word) you would like to keep from this experience with the train and so on.

Also, through all the things you’ve learned and used to cope, is there any tool or coping mechanism you could to manage this emotional trigger? I’ve read your article by the way and saw that you’ve tried different type of therapies, plus as you said your spiritual awakening - what are the things you could use in those in order to cope with the current situation? Since it was your main question in the first post.

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Can anyone help i need support i have had an altercasan in family as a result i did not speak to my parents it’s going to be nearly 2 weeks since i spoke to them. I’m struggling here. I don’t know why i’m livin like this. Anyone help any support words. Thanks

Would you like to share what happened with your parents? What was the altercation about?

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it was an argument i had i felt very hurt a plan in terms of applying training abroad i could not get the visa because of the country putting travel restrictions. I was so much affected by the travel restrictions. I spoke to a solicitor that morning she was so careless she minimized my suffering she was not understanding my effort. She really got on my nerves i was so angry after the conversation. I spoke to her about my visa status she was very negative.

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I hear you. That’s very frustrating. I haven’t been able to see my sister for a long time because of travel restrictions due to covid. And now that some restrictions are over, traveling by plane is insanely expensive… It’s tough.

Unfortunately, these are things beyond our control. Same for this solicitor you’ve mentioned. They’ve probably seen an incredible amount of people being sad and angry because of the restrictiong. That’s also things beyond their control. I’m sure they’d rather appreciate a job that makes people happy.

Not sure how this is connected to your family though. Were they frustrated because you were supposed to travel to them?

I took out my frustrations on them. It’s hard for me like i said i don’t have a social circle. Did you see my story how sad it it. I know i believe have faith in God he wil make it good and i will achieve my goals and dreams. I have triggers on my current workplace i got to work there is a direct trigger of my traumatic past. I need connection.

Okay, I understand now. Thank you for explaining that.

Do you think it will be possible to talk to them in times to come, in a calm way? Just to make sure you can recreate some peace with your parents.

I know i believe have faith in God he wil make it good and i will achieve my goals and dreams.

What are your goals and dreams?

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