Hey I just thank for all your comments about my last post, it help a lot and means a lot to me. Thank you all so much!!
However, I still dealing with same issue about I guess how I see myself. To honest, I know not a poser about my music taste. In someway, I think get attached these story of my music taste. I think we do it in way, it human nature try to be define by something. The think the problem really overthink it. In unhealthy way, cause beat myself up. But I think my Boarderline personality, I believe I hear that people that with BPD struggle identify. If you have BPD, that deal with this please message if you can, cause I feel that part of what dealing with.
I was skate park another, and whimp out on a trick. I was too scare to do it and bitch out. During time I think was having anxiety attack, it get so bad that can’t focus on the trick. Cause I did the trick before, but I’m afraid of getting hurt. Then my wise mind told hey you don’t have do this trick. I learn to let go of trying land every tricks.
I do and yes identity issues are a BPD trait. I think tho, you know you are a musician and you love to play in a band and skate. That’s your identity. I think the negative view you have of yourself makes you doubt that tho and that’s something you should use your wise mind DBT skill to think about.
I think you know who you are, you just have to accept it and be happy with it. Love yourself and not worry what other people think about you or your perception of how they feel about you.
I read something today that goes with this and I’ll quote it. I can 100% relate to this.
One core trait of BPD is feeling as if you have no identity, or having an identity that is constantly in flux. We tend to struggle very hard to perceive ourselves and to feel as if we know who we are at all. But what does that actually feel like?
I find it matters to describe to people what this actually feels like, because “a lack of a sense of identity” doesn’t quite convey the depth of the impact that this experience can have on us, or on the behaviors that it can understandably drive.
Many of us tend to adapt elements of our personality depending on who we’re with and what situation we’re in. With people with BPD, this is often much more extreme, as we may feel as if we have no discernible self at all. We may feel as if our entire identity is dependent upon others and we don’t know who we are without them to define us.
We tend to have very little idea of what our core beliefs, values, likes, dislikes, characteristics, mannerisms, etc. are. The results of this often include frantic efforts to remain close to others, severe depersonalization when others aren’t around to define us, and a constant, profound sense of emptiness that we may try to assuage any way we can, often impulsively.
“It feels like if I’m a figment of your imagination”
“It feels like I’m not connected to anyone in the world, including myself.”
Hey. Thanks for reaching out to us. I understand the anxiety as I struggle with it. My affirmation is you can if you put your mind to it. Please know you can reach out anytime.
Hey my friend, glad to hear about the posts helping and how much they mean to you. We love to hear that! I’m glad to hear you do not think you’re a poser, but it stinks that you feel like you overthink the music tastes you have are bad or just not cool or that you’re fake period. You are not a poser by any stretch and you should be proud of whatever your music tastes are, because I bet they rock hard and are awesome. Dude I am with you on doubting yourself as a poser or being, but you do you my friend. Heck i listen to heavy metal and wear band shirts all the time to work myself. Either way keep on rocking and trying your tricks, because clearly this is something you really enjoy. We love you, see you, and are here for you. Much love my friend. -Evan
Maybe your instinct was protecting you a bit by stopping you from trying the trick when you weren’t focused enough. No matter how many times we as humans do something there can always be that time that we aren’t able to do it and we screw up something we’ve done hundreds of times. Our instincts are there to help stop us when something is off that might cause the failure to keep us from getting hurt. Like when you are walking down stairs and your foot stops midair and you feel like you’ve forgotten how to go down stairs for a moment. Or when you start crossing the street and suddenly you think to double check no one is speeding up to come at you. That’s the way I think about it when my anxiety or fear stops me for a moment from doing something I know I can do. I think that some force is stopping me to make sure I’m safe. I don’t know if that way of thinking about it can help you but I thought I’d share it in case it can help you and your wise mind. Keep listening to your wise mind. And keep being yourself
Hi Metalskater, I am so pleased that the replies helped. I understand that you do tend to overthink a lot about your music tastes and such and its so easy for us to tell you that you shouldnt and of course im still going to tell you that you shouldnt but its hard isnt it. When the overthinking starts what do you do to try to divert your thinking? if you could find a way to try to distract yourself from that. By the way congratulations on listening to that wise mind when doing that skateboard trick, i am really proud of you. Keep practicing that. You are loved friend. x
Thank you for sharing with us again.