Back to heartsupport

Trauma from past relationships effects my current relationship

I am 27, I have been cheated on many times in past relationships and the effects grew stronger with each betrayal as time went on. Darkening my days and heavily effecting future relationships or even the desire for a relationship. I am currently 2 years into the most amazing relationship. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and my partner is perfect and helps me so much. So much more then anyone else ever would. I honestly probably ask too much of her and she willingly does 95% of anything I ask of her. She’s such an amazing person and is undoubtedly who I want to spend my life with. She too says so often the same. She has the same wants, desires and goals as me in this. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen or known before and she has shown me what love really is and means. I’m tired of my trauma effecting our relationship. I fear losing her someday bc of my issues. I want to trust and believe. I want to stop getting depressed and having anxiety driven panic attacks. I want to stop fearing that she will lie, deceive, manipulate, or cheat on me. We both are trying to find out what I need to do bc our best efforts have helped but not enough to be rid of these issues. I want them behind me and out of my life and our relationship. If anyone has any answers for me I beg you for your help. Help me learn to take control and rid myself of these issues. If needed or desired I can get in more detail of the past, and or the effects and issues I deal with now. It’s a very lengthy story to tell but if providing this story means help or better help then it’s worth it

Hey there! sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this but just know that you’re not alone. It’s perfectly normal to have anxieties regarding your relationship and having past traumas make them seem like they’re 1000% stronger. As someone who has experienced past trauma and abuse in their relationships, it’s hard to make that divide between the person you’re currently with and the one you were. but a helpful thing that i’ve found is just to keep your communication open with your partner, sometimes having that constant validation is helpful so you can keep your head above water. also just keep trying to remind themselves that even though you’re in a relationship again, you are with someone new, they are not the person that hurt you. and trusting someone is scary but sometimes it’s just a leap of faith. I think you guys should really sit down and talk, letting your partner know what you’re feeling and your fears now might help prevent future miscommunications. i hope this helped even a little bit :slight_smile:

1 Like

My partner and I have talked about all of this, I’ve been very open about it with her and she helps tremendously. She does things for me no one else ever would. We are able to have a happy and healthy relationship. The problem is the thoughts, worries and triggers are all still there. I need to learn to trust her and believe she won’t do me wrong and I’m just looking for ways, options, or things to try so that I can put these things behind me and move forward