and I find myself comparing who I am to others a lo. I feel so heavy on top of that I’m a single mother and I feel like my son deserves someone so much better
Self comparison is a heavy thing. I think a lot of us battle with this. It’s a tough practice to try not to. It’s so easy to fall into when we see others who have what we don’t or do well in areas we want to succeed in. We see the skills and things in others and get down on ourselves for not being like them.
Hey, you’re too hard on yourself. I’m sure you love your son and that is the most important thing. That you love him. You are deserving to be loved. By others, by your son and by yourself. You are enough. Be gentle with yourself friend.
Battling worthlessness as a parent is one of the most brutal experiences because it’s not just feeling bad about yourself, but it’s feeling like your badness is causing someone else to suffer, someone that you love more than anything, and to cause them pain is more excruciating than anything you could personally suffer…so things bad happening to you are a double whammy, slamming you with shame for the way you feel about yourself and then doubling down when you consider how it must affect your son…and the fact that those feelings can be triggered by comparison – which is so easy to fall into – means that you’ve gotta be experiencing that stuff so frequently, that it’s just unbearable.