Tried to change myself but lost control

[bluelotus]

Almost a week ago, I promised myself that I would avoid self-harming, lashing out randomly, and contemplating well, you know.
It was going well for a few days but then that emotional pain came back and it f*cked everything up and it’s sort of my fault because I failed to avoid overthinking and my triggers.
I feel like I betrayed myself. I have this really not so pleasant feeling all the time, I don’t know how to explain it. I want to try to change again but I am afraid I will lose control again and end up back to square one and I don’t like the idea of that happening.

[Wings]

Change takes time. Setbacks occur. Triggers are activated. It’s like carrying a substantial load up a slippery mountain path. Regardless of how many times you fall, there is no failure as long as you maintain the commitment that you made to yourself, to continue along the path.

Don’t be afraid. You’ve been in a dark place, and have found your way out. Now you have experience both with the dark place, and having found the means to emerge from it.

I think it could be said that recovery often involves a series of setbacks and temporary failures. Fear of failure assigns more power to the habit you are trying to change, than it deserves.

When you experience a setback, it’s not a betrayal. If you fall on the slippery mountain path, you have betrayed no one, not even yourself.

[HS_John]

Hi @bluelotus ,

The HeartSupport Houston Team responded to your post here. Hold Fast friend, and lean on our community.

[bluelotus]

Thanks a lot for that encouraging video, I will definitely take their advice.