[Trigger Warning] I feel empty and I am at the point where I want to harm myself

[Denim]

I feel so empty I haven’t felt happiness or love in years. I have things in my head telling me to kill myself or harm others. I just want those things to go away. I suffer from schizophrenia and Autism. I am so tired of people and life. I just want to give up and die. I feel like a monster.

[Micro]

Hey @Denim,

Thank you so much for being here. It sounds that you’ve been carrying your share of difficulties for a long time now. It takes a lot of strength to break down a cycle of loneliness and hopelessness as you just did here. You’ve made an important step by reaching out and I want to encourage you to take some time today to acknowledge that strength within you, even if it doesn’t seem obvious to you right now.

Living with schizophrenia and autism can be very difficult and create a lot of misunderstandings with people around you. I don’t struggle with those diagnosis on a daily basis, but I do have my share of invisible struggles that makes me feel very isolated sometimes, that makes me feel like my own mind is an unfriendly territory. It takes a lot of strength to deal with those thoughts in your mind, friend. Your efforts are not invisible or unseen right now. I hear you and I understand your exhaustion. But you are not a monster. Those thoughts in your mind are making you feel alienated from this world, it makes you feel unable to be loved, but there is no diagnosis on earth that would take away your worth and beauty. Your way to navigate and experience the world around you is yours, and there’s truly nothing to be ashamed of. You are not guilty for having a hard time.

How does your support system look like right now? Do you have a therapist who help you navigate those emotions? Any family or friends who know what you’re going through and could shoulder this heaviness with you? Whether the answers are yes or no, know that you are not alone right now. This community is also here to encourage you as much as possible and to take care of yourself. You don’t deserve any harm.

I hope you are safe right now. If you feel like your mind is spiraling with dark thoughts, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a crisis line as well. It’s totally okay to ask for help and talk about what’s going on in your life.