I’m going to be really blunt here, and it’s going to be triggering for some, and I’m sorry about that.
I was raped last night. I was on the couch at this guys house, we had been drinking and I pass out on the couch. Next thing I know I wake up and my pants are fully off and he’s, doing things. I was afraid to let him know I had woken up, so I just continued to pretend I was asleep. I just let it continue to happen.
I remember two separate time he had whispered in my ear “If you tell anyone about this I’m going to kill you.”
and “When you wake up in the morning, don’t hate me, I’m a pig. You’re a good girl.”
It makes me sick to my stomach when I replay that in my head over and over again.
I don’t want to report it, what’s the point when the conviction rate is so low and you have to deal with people not believing you, and it just is more trouble than it’s worth. I let this happen. I didn’t tell him to stop, I didn’t do anything but let it happen. He’s 20 years older than me, and I didn’t think that was going to happen. I trusted him and I shouldn’t have. He knew I was asleep, he knew better, and I’m not making excuses for him, but I just want to move on from this and let it go. I just need some encouragement. thank you
First off, I want to say that I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that someone decided to take advantage of you. And I’m also so sorry that we live in a world where people feel that they cannot come forward.
I can’t imagine how you are feeling at this moment. However, I want to encourage you to come forward. You say nothing will be done about it, and unfortunately, there is that chance. But that man does not deserve to live this down, or just move on from it. He deserves to remember every day, the things he did to you. Coming forward will at least expose him.
I understand not wanting to. And it’s ultimately your decision. But I would go have a rape kit done, so that you have that in case you change your mind down the road. You may regret not doing anything about it at the time, in the future.
All in all, I hope you do what’s best for you. I hope you recognize how you did nothing to deserve what happened, and that you are completely worthy of anything and everything.
My heart breaks for you.
Please continue to reach out as you need. You are so strong.
This is truly, so saddening to read; no one deserves to go through that, and I have so much respect for you coming forward and sharing your story. I hope that you know you’re not alone and there are others out there who can empathise with you and definitely people who can help you.
Please remember to put yourself first, allow yourself to feel what you feel, grieve what you’e lost, whatever you need to feel, feel it! Although it’s much easier said than done, don’t put pressure on yourself, if you think reporting it would help then 100% do it, (if you have someone you feel comfortable with try reaching out so you don’t need to do it alone), if that doesn’t feel manageable then don’t report it- look after yourself, what are YOUR needs, healing from something like this can be a difficult process but you’ve already done so incredibly sharing on here! I hope there’s people in your life who can support you and if there isn’t right now that you are able to find someone who can!
Remember that you are loved and brave, and that this isn’t your fault!
I appreciate all of your replies and encouragement. It’s taking a lot of time to process that this happened. I feel like I wasn’t actually raped, or that it wasn’t a big deal you know? I feel like I’m just making this whole thing up. One of the reasons I don’t want to report it. I just, I feel like it’s a lie. I don’t want to go through the trauma of going to court and all that for a possible conviction.
I was 12 years old when I was raped (anally) by a large man. I felt the same way as you do, and didn’t report it (mostly because I didn’t know they guy’s name). Report the bastard, but not to the cops, who will probably won’t be able to help. Instead, contact a lawyer and sue the shit out of the creep. You won’t need proof, as even the THOUGHT of a lawsuit will scare the piss out of your attacker.
https://www.catalystministries.net/ Here’s the website to Catalyst. Though they may be in Bloomington, IL. They can help you find a ministry in your area that can help out