Triggered by my doctor

So I’ve got a lot of medical stuff going on right now so I had an in office appointment with my doctor yesterday. I woke up this morning to an email from her office sending me weight loss tips, dieting info and a visit note sighting that I am obese and they recommend I lose up to 70 more pounds.

I have a long history with eating disorders and I’ve been struggling lately. I weigh 250 pounds at 5’10, ive lost 47 pounds since December. Looking at me you would never guess that I weigh that much. Thankfully I am pretty well proportioned. I also have a very large bust, big thighs and a big butt.

I am well aware that I am overweight but I am also aware that because of my body type im just not meant to be that small. They throw these numbers out at you based on some stupid formula and don’t take into consideration that maybe because the way your body is shaped you just aren’t meant to look like that.

I guess I just wanted to vent about how doctors can be really insensitive when it comes to this stuff. Like its in my file that I have suffered from eating disorders for years. If my weight needs to be discussed It should be done in person and with caution. Not over a damn email.

I’ve been working really hard to get healthier the right way, yes there are days when I have so much anxiety about food that I can’t eat but im doing my best and this just feels like a slap in the face and is very triggering and makes me want to just not eat and makes me feel bad about being hungry.

Below is a photo of me 45 pounds heavier. Would you call the girl in that photo obese? Simply off of some stupid fucking chart that says I should weigh a certain amount

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I would tell the girl in the photo she’s beautiful just as she is.


Thank you very much. I try to think nice things about myself and its a struggle on the daily. Doctors just make it worse.

I know, believe me. I used to go to a doctor that used to tell me I needed to lose loads of weight, and he was three times my size, if not more. Then he never gave me any tools to help me. He would literally come into the room, make a comment on my weight and then leave again without discussing what I was even at the office for. It’s a bit ironic how some of them treat people. But I try to remember that not all doctors are that way, which is hard to realize if you’ve never been to a doctor that seems more caring than that, and also I remind myself it’s what they were taught in school. If anyone weighs this much, then it’s too much and they need to lose weight and all that. Most doctors go into it to help people, but for some of them, for one reason or another, like if they have too many patients or maybe are tired of hearing people complain all the time, they can lose perspective and forget what they really went into it for and can start looking at everyone through a cookie cutter filter. It’s unfortunate, but it happens and the patients are the ones who suffer.

It’s awesome that you lost weight, congratulations on that! It’s so hard to do. But also you don’t deserve to feel like all you are is what you weigh. If you’re comfortable talking to your doctor, maybe next time you go to see them, tell them you’d appreciate it if they didn’t bring up how much you have to lose without being encouraging in some way, or tell them to maybe not bring it up at all. I can’t promise it will change how your doctor talks to you and treats you, but it wouldn’t hurt to talk to them about it if you’re comfortable.

The girl in that photo is beautiful, and there’s so much more to her than what she weighs.

This is one of my favorite poems, and I want to share it with you. The last line is probably a little out of context (because you didn’t necessarily decide how you were defined, how people treat you, especially when you’re young, teaches you how to feel about yourself), but the rest of it applies.

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Thanks love yeah, i intend to have a talk with her at my next visit. Im honestly used to it ive been getting it ever since i was a kid, it just hit me extra hard this morning cause ive been struggling to eat lately and it just set me back and it missed me off. Thank you for the poem, I love that one ive been a fan of E.H for a long time not many people know of her so that made me smile.

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Doctor’s have to look at it from the medical side of things. It’s not news that being overweight can contribute to other conditions and health problems, but it also doesn’t mean that makes it any easier to lose weight. If it was easy, no one would be fat.
I too, am overweight, and have been most of my life. I struggle with going on diets, losing, then quitting and gaining. I’ve looked into multiple weight loss surgeries, and will probably go through with it in the future- but only to make myself happier and healthier.
I don’t think doctors try to be insensitive about the subject, but they can come across that way. You’re beautiful how you are.


Yeah im aware of what the process is, if your BMI is above a certain number they just automatically give you the literature. My point was im your patient and you have access to my medical history, just have more consideration for the mental health side of it is all im saying.

It’s true that doctors focus on the medical side, but maybe that’s actually where something has to be changed. We’re going more and more into a multidisciplinary approach when it’s about health or mental health, but there’s still a lot of work to do on this matter and a lot of awareness to bring. BMI, considered alone, doesn’t really mean anything. What is treated is not only symptoms, but people. With their physical health, their mental health, their family situation, their employment situation, their personal story, their genetics… All of this impact our health and our capacity to access to healthcare. And receiving this kind of email that you (@Danilovenj) mentioned can push people to stop going to their doctor or receive the healthcare they need, unfortunately. As you said, this doctor has your medical history and has been informed about your struggle. So whether they did a mistake, or they don’t understand what eating disorders are truly.

It always makes me sad to realize how much eating disorders are misunderstood by some doctors - if not ignored - because it’s something I’ve been struggling with for more than a decade now, going back and forth in recovery, and I understand how isolating and destructive it is to struggle with that.

Short story: I tried to talk about it once, with a doctor. I was young and totally afraid to reach out - like the very first time I do it. I finally managed to talk, and the doctor told me I should try to eat more healthy because I had too much cholesterol in my blood. She wrote in front of me a list of things to eat and things to avoid and basically explained me stuff like “spoiler alert: you know, butter = not good”. I was astonished. On top of that, it was written on a note/advert for a cholesterol medication that she probably received from this pharmaceutic group :woman_facepalming:. I can laugh about it now because it’s so ridiculous. Especially since high cholesterol can be due to genetics but that’s another topic. :hrtjakelul:

The sad part of this small interaction is that it convinced me that it wasn’t worth it to reach out. I thought that if what was destroying me wasn’t understood by a doctor, then it would be the same for anyone else. Obviously, I was wrong. But again, I was young and very vulnerable at the moment. I wish I didn’t lose so many years after that.

On the other hand, I had to weight myself once at a doctor’s office (for a very different reason) - they had the result on their computer and asked me if I wanted to know it. This very small question was, in my opinion, an incredible mark of respect. I didn’t expect to have the choice to know or not. And even if it can mean nothing for someone who’s okay with their body, it meant the world for me.

Anyway, as always, it really depends on the doctor and the person in front of us. Thankfully, there are some really good doctors out there!

It’s also really great if you have the intention to discuss about it with your doctor. It shows that, despite the trigger, you are at a moment in your life when you gathered enough strength to stand up for yourself - which is awesome and something you can be absolutely proud of. I think what matters the most when dealing with eating disorders is to learn to accept ourselves progressively, even before any matter of food or weight. Just because feeling better has an impact on the way we eat and just our behavior in general. It creates a positive pattern. Better being overweight but happy and able to eat a little bit of everything than being overweight, starving yourself from time to time and/or binge eating on the crappiest food possible. That’s the invisible side of a weight number or a BMI. But you know it. You know your story and yourself. It’s all that matters in regards of this email you received.

Keep doing good. Take your time. Keep being motivated by discussing and making your doctor understand your own experience. There’s something in your frustration that can be turned into something positive and helpful for both you and your doctor. :slight_smile: Somehow, the “positive” part with this email is to realize that your doctor needs you on this matter, to be more sensitive to what you’re going through. Communication can be improved.