Well, uhm, fuck?
My friend sent me pictures he took, that are supposedly aesthetically appealing but the pictures also hold his cut open hand (there are some pretty bad cuts, I’m assuming it’s the way he harms himself). The pictures themselves are kinda blurry so you can’t see much but you can see them clear enough to see how deep they are and it triggered the fuck out of me, especially because there was no warning of any kinds of wounds. Just… the pictures. I’m on the verge of tears, because my urges got triggered and I want to harm so fucking bad right now. It’s taking everything out of me to not grab the nearest kitchen knife I can see and I can’t leave the kitchen either, because I’m making dinner.
Edit; Lord have mercy, he sent me another one where you can see them more clearer, I’m about to break down. I just lost all my appetite.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Maybe you could explain to your friend that they trigger you or if your not comfortable with that just ask him not to send any more because it makes you uncomfortable. Up to you. Please don’t hurt yourself. You are an amazing, valuable, beautiful person and you can get through this.
I don’t know if I can deal with talking to him right now. I kind of avoided him all day, because I know the second I text him, I’m gonna break down. I talked more about our current situation in a different post labeled “friendship issues, i guess” so feel free to check that for more context. Although I will definitely tell him to never ever do that again; i’m shaking really hard right now and I feel super nauseous.
If you feel like you aren’t able to talk to him rn then don’t feel like you need to. Take your time.
I will be sure to read that post when I get a chance as well.
I’m sorry your shaking and feel so bad but may I suggest trying to take your mid off of it? Whether thats a funny show, YouTube video, video game, or talking to a different friend. Up to you but thats what I try to do when I get triggered.
Okay, I do have an update on the whole situation. I confronted him about it and he told me that it’s just red paint (and showed me a picture with my permission, where it’s more clear). Still, I hopefully made it clear enough that if he ever wants to send me these kind of pictures again, he needs to give me a warning. I don’t mind seeing these kind of things and long as I know what I’m getting myself into.
Sadly I still ended up relapsing after a second panic attack yesterday, so that’s a little less fun.