Trust issues with husband

When i started dating mu husband he was watching porn and even playing it while we were having sex. After some time i told him it botters me and he stopped until one day during sex he wanted to play some music on tv and when i turned my head it was porn. We had a huge fight after that and i felt disgusting but i decided to stay with him. Not long after on his torrent he downloaded another porn. I confronted him about some instagram profile he was following (porn girls) he said that some friend sent him and he forgot to unfollow. I started checking his internet history (we share laptop) cause of this and i found that he mostly clicks the movies on torrent and checks pictures but doesn’t download the movie. I told him serously that this bothers me big time and i hope that he understood. I am scared to check history again. This also made me very suspicious and i think i can’t trust him cause i feel traumatised. He stated that before we met he didn’t have a gf for a long time and he was watching porn from time to time but now he doesn’t watch anymore. At one point i started watching porn cause i though it would make it less important in my head. Omg it made me crazy completely. I even suggested ones we have sex with porn on and i felt the worst in my life. He even said after that he felt like cheating on me and he doesn’t wanna do that anymore. I know his phone password and he leaves his phone unattended but i am scared to check and also i don’t feel it’s right to do so. Now we are long time together and have a baby but this bothers me big time to the point that i imagine all his social media filled with naked girls. He opens his whats app conversations in front of me and usually he shares with me who
is texting him and why. We usually have sex 2 times a week if we are working and if we are on leave more than that. On the other hand he is muslim and in some things conservative and i feel frustrated because i find him hypocrite. I am Christian and very modern and open ( except for porn😄). How should i approach this? What to do? Sometimes i wish i ended everything before baby because this emotions are draining me and affecting our marriage. I have big trust issues and whenever he takes his phone, one of my eyes is there. I saw that he has snapchat installed and that also bugs me


It sounds as though he believes that he is addicted to porn. Often, emotional addiction is just as tenacious as drug addiction. When I was a teenager, I got a bit worked up by it, but these days, I just as soon watch episodes of the Golden girls. :yum: To me, porn made for public consumption is just plain boring. It all looks really predictable and generic.

My impression is that you can trust his intentions, but not his ability to follow through with them. It’s also possible that because you forbid it, partaking of it has become more appealing.

I don’t believe it’s doing you any good to monitor his activities online. In fact, I believe it’s causing you suffering. It may be better to calmly explain what you require in a life partner, then it’s up to him to decide what is right. It might help to tell them that you trust that he is doing his best and that one day his best will be good enough that he’ll be able to let go of porn.

Once upon a time, my wife and I recorded our own porn. It actually did spice things up. Also, we often had a good laugh about it.

I think one thing is pretty clear, your reaction to his porn habits isn’t doing either of you any good.

Have the two of you discussed therapy?

Hello hearttoheart!

It definitely seems like it could be an addiction, and that could definitely be related to the trust issues. I would definitely want to try to seek some marriage counseling or therapy especially when it comes to the trust issues. Because at the end of the day, trust is a core part of any successful marriage. And going through that journey together is only gonna make the both of you stronger in the end.

We’re always here for you also, no matter what.

Hi Friend Welcome to Heartsupport

Goodness, that is a lot to think about everyday isnt it, the anxiety caused by worrying about trust issues is highly unpleasant. The feeling of not knowing but suspecting every little thing and being on guard, your mind going in circles is no fun. That is how I remember the lack of trust and the need to phone check.
I am sorry you are dealing with this, I think its normal to feel this way when you lose trust in someone and once its gone, its hard if ever to get back but its not impossible if you love oneanother. Your husband can prove that he has changed and I think maybe some therapy could help for both of you as I wonder if you both need to make changes in order for things to get back to a steady pace. I would encourage you to not look at his phone unless you are prepared for the worst, im not saying it is bad im just saying be prepared. I however do hope that you both can sort things out. It can be done. MuchLove Lisa. x

Post submitted by @Scorching_rayy

First of all, I want to validate that her feelings and emotions are valid. It’s understandable to feel betrayed, hurt, and angry when she found out that her partner was looking at porn, especially considering that she had expressed your discomfort with it in the past.
I know it can be really difficult to feel like she is not being heard or understood by the person she love. I also want to say that watching porn herself to try to make it less important in her head was a really risky strategy.