Okk i lost another friend of mine over a boy. Like what the fuck. She was with me since 2016 when i had nobody to talk to because I moved to another city she was my only friend i had at the time, the whole class hated me they were bullying me but she still stayed with me and was by my side. A couple months back i got the Covid-19 and I didn’t talk to anyone, then i was ok and safe so i told everyone that i was fine and i told her. That was the last time i had an actual conversation with her witch was a over a month ago. 3 days ago i was concerned so I talked to her then she told me oh I forgot to tell you i have a boyfriend for over 8 months now. Like seriously. Am i a wall to you. Ok yea right you don’t have to tell me everything but i AM your friend I thought we were close. We argued she told me to “fuck off” and “ you changed for the worst” so I asked “him or me” she picked him. Guess 5 years in the trash… It’s hard to let go of someone that effected your life. I know all my problems are about my ex best friends. Sorry it’s just i have to vent my feelings to someone and i have no one at this point.
Hi, I’m not good at giving advice, but just wanted to say that I sympathize and that I’m sorry you had that experience with her. Life can definitely be harsh sometimes, but you have a long life ahead of you that will be filled with many wonderful opportunities for future friendships that will hopefully feel better than that one did.
Hey @Ray,
No need to be sorry for needing to vent, really. This is the right place to share what’s in your heart. 
I’m sorry to hear that this friendship ended, especially in such difficult circumstances. It sounds that there was some resentment in the background that led both of you in an explosive discussion. I really wish it would have been different for both of you. It’s indeed hard to let go of someone. Not impossible, but it takes time. Hopefully there will be a possibility for you to discuss in the future, so you can try to understand each other’s perspective and heal together.
You’re not alone Ray. It’s different, but this community is here with you as well. And we’ll keep supporting you through this. There are people out there who are worth to meet and know. New friendships to create, positive experiences to have. You’ll get there. And in the meantime, it’s okay to feel frustrated and sad by the current situation.
You didn’t lose 5 years. It’s not in the trash. It’s still part of both of your stories, of your life. What happened doesn’t delete the good memories and the genuine care that you had for each other. You’ll learn to put this at the right place in your heart. But right now, you need time to process. And a lot of compassion for yourself. Take care friend.
Hi Ray,
I’m sorry you lost a long time friend like this. Losing somebody close to you is never easy regardless of circumstance. Also, I’m glad to see you were able to recover from Covid - that had to be especially scary.
I must preface my next thought by saying I’m not especially great with social stuff (I have had Social Phobia for many years and am very introverted so I stick to few friends whom I have known for more than a decade.) but I have a genuine question for you. Why do you feel that your friend betrayed you when they didn’t tell you they had a boyfriend? This is not to undermine how you felt because I believe that we feel the way we do for a given reason and we should validate those feelings. I just honestly don’t understand.
I have a friend who I met a good 16 years ago. She’s one of those friends whom I don’t speak to very often but when we do speak it’s as though we never missed a beat. Anyway, in this particular instance, I had spoken with her and she told me she was cancelling her wedding in which I was supposed to be the maid of honor. A handful of months later I saw in her Facebook that she had gotten married. She never told me the wedding was back on, never invited me and got a new maid of honor. To be honest I was slightly annoyed but I tried to approach this a little less personally - I know this friend well enough to know that she has never done anything malicious to me and she probably had reasons for doing what she did that made sense to her in the moment, whether we didn’t speak enough or I wasn’t around enough. Everyone has personal motivations and just as they are entitled to theirs, we are entitled to ours.
On the other side of the coin, when I got married, literally nobody knew I had even had a boyfriend. It came as a surprise to everyone and I got a lot of hate for it for years into my marriage. I can tell you, that angered me greatly.
I won’t pretend I know you or your friend well enough to presume motivations or feelings, but I feel like it may be possible that your friend could’ve felt just as betrayed as you when you became angry with them because they didn’t tell you they had a boyfriend, and ultimatums in my experience are never a good thing and do end relationships. I know if I was given and ultimatum by that friend Ive known for 16 years if it was her or my husband, I would pick my husband.
All this being said, I want to reiterate that I’m not saying you are wrong for having felt this way. I simply offer the advice of trying to see things from another perspective. It is not always as black and white as, They didn’t tell me, how dare they.
I feel like there might yet be hope for this friendship though, especially if it has a 5 year history, which is nothing to scoff at. It sounds as though after you both take some time to cool off, a nice conversation about how you both feel could be of great benefit. Allow your friend to tell you why she didn’t feel the need to tell you about her boyfriend, and allow yourself to tell your friend how hurt you felt. Perhaps there are underlying circumstances that one or the other of you wasn’t aware of that made this get so out of control, and that might be worth examining. I wouldn’t give up on this friendship just yet. Anything is possible, especially when you’re willing to approach such a hurtful situation with vulnerability, openness and honestly.
Again, I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I know during these days it is hard to make and keep relationships which can make it especially hard when they go south. I feel that you have a right to feel how you feel about how things unfolded. When those feelings finally simmer down a bit, I believe it would be beneficial to all parties to have a heart to heart. Worst case scenario, nothing changes. Best case, you get your friend back. All this goes without saying you don’t have to listen to me as I am just an observer, but just maybe it might be worth a shot.
Well that is a good question but in islam what she’s doing is haram. I’m muslim she’s muslim we are friends so i gave her an advice of leaving him. She didn’t take my advice and kept telling me to “fuck off”. That kinda made me angry and frustrated by her actions. That is why it ended the way it ended.
Thank you…