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Trying my best to power through it

I’ve taken a small break from responding this weekend.

With being autistic and having extreme sensory sensitivity it has been really challenging to face the weekend as I live with 3 other adults and an extremely intrusive dog. With covid-19, the already existing issues of lack of space or ability to escape from everything feeding my senses has been doubled and even more difficult.

I can’t hang with friends in voice chat because I can’t handle the constant noise of open mics and feeding my brain loud noises. Especially when several things at once. Everyone talking plus background noise. It makes it hard to participate. Push-to-talk seems to be this huge inconvenience to people and often leads to complaining about how annoying it is. So I’ve stopped asking and trying to explain what it means for me. Most the time I just sit out instead of being a fun sponge to everyone else.

Currently sitting here listening to the loud roar of vacuuming, the loud vacuum bumping into the walls, while the dog aggressively chews on a squeaker toy that is echoing through out the house. This has been going on non stop for an hour.

Most people will tell me to put ear plugs in or ear protectors. But what people don’t understand is, I have severe ear sensitivity. I cannot handle things covering my ear. The sounds and sensations that come with plugging my ears or having something over/in them, especially with noise cancelling, is painful. I don’t know how to explain this pain. But my brain and my sensory receiving cannot handle.

Most of the time when there is a lot of sensory coming in at once I just have to lay down and cry through it. Till I feel better or it passes. There is no other option. In streams I enjoy I just have to mute them.

I’m pretty used to living in a world where catering to people like myself is difficult, inconvenient or impossible.

With everything going on, I’ve been in a bad head space. So if I’m slow to response, not enthusiastic to hang or voice chat or simply not very present, I apologize. It’s not personal. I’m just having a hard time living in a shared space and processing all of the noise and sensory coming in and having no escape. Trying my best to get through it.

It’s hard to explain what living with sensory issues is like. Unless you’ve lived it and know the severity of it from experience it’s hard to bring you to that level of understanding.

So I may be slow or distant for a couple days. I’m in a bad head space. Trying my best to power through it.

Right now, this has mostly meant sitting solo playing Animal Crossing for a ridiculous amount of hours straight. Embracing the happy of the game. While trying to nurse my senses back to sanity and distract from the overwhelming weight of anxiety that has been consuming me. (That started long before covid 19 became a factor and naturally that has just intensified everything)

Normally the wall and helping others is a healing aid for me. But right now, I could use a break from being the encourager and use some encouragement.

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Hi Kitty,

I don’t have autism, but I can relate to the high sensitivity you describe to some point.

We are in a noisy world. And somehow it’s relaxing to hear the silence outside these days… but it has been trade for more noises and activity inside the homes of everyone. I’m sorry you have to deal with this Kitty. I wish earplugs and headphones could be an option for you. Sometimes, when I don’t have the possibility to use them, I feel that just having something on my head helps me, at least mentally/emotionally, like wearing a hoodie or a beanie. Something really soft. Or even just having a blanket on me. Obviously I still hear the sounds, but it tends to reduce the stress a little.

Does your sleeping schedule impact your sensitivity as well? I know that, for me, it gets worse if I’m lacking of sleep or if my sleep schedule is displaced.

I am aware that you don’t have a lot of control on your environment right now. I hope it will be a bit smoother in the next days. Know that you can always vent in my DMs if you ever want to. It’s absolutely not a problem to me. Your health is important, and I hope you can rest as much as possible, despite this.

I also wish that, these days, you still have the possibility to enjoy the moments when noises are away. That you can acknowledge, on purpose, all the calm and more relaxful moments that may arise during your day. When days are exhausting because of my environment, I try to cherish those moments when I can finally hear… the silence, and I take some time to be aware of it. It helps to take small breaks. It feels like cleaning my own mind and releasing all the tension that has accumulated in my body. Obviously, these moments happen generally early in the morning and at night, and I am aware that it’s not necessarily convenient for everyone.

Sending love, hugs, comfy blankets, warm coffees and pillow forts with noises barriers to you. (Ok, the last ones don’t really help, but I hope it could bring you a smile at least :heart:). Hope you enjoy AC too. I saw some people streaming this game and I love the chilling vibes in this. It contrasts so much with what is happening in our world right now. Just seeing people playing to it gave me a sense of peace. So I hope that it’s for you a good way to escape a little from this noisy world.

:heart:

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Hang in there friend. Keeping embracing the happy of Animal Crossing. Take care of yourself. Boundaries are important. Self care is important. We are here and support you in whatever head space you are in. Be gentle with yourself. I don’t imagine any kind of white noise helps when your housemates are being loud? I’m guessing you have tried everything. Hang in there. You don’t have to power through it. You can crawl through if you need to. Whatever you need to do for yourself. Lots of love. :heart:

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My partner went and took the dog out so he could play quieter. That helped!

Enjoying the heart support community in some Animal Crossing has helped a lot.

Till I dropped my controller in a cup of water. Lol. Ugh.

So that’s sitting in a bag of rice.

Fortunately the family has spares. So I’m able to keep playing despite the stress of today. Count your blessing I guess? Lol.