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Trying to be true to my self / hiding behind a mask


#1

This is it i am done.
Even though i am human, may be a broken record. But i cant be me, cant be myself… with out feeling like i messed it up , well all of it .
Feeling like i cant do this anymore. I cant fight for anything anymore. I wont kill myself, but i just cant be me anymore without becoming hurt. I just don’t. i want to be my self but i guest society doesn’t want me to.
I’m tired , i am done being me , just because people see me as who has it done or gets it her way. but To be honest i don’t feel like i am. people see me as certain names and it just bites me in the butt. i was in fricken tears Friday and Monday (11-12-18). this is just bull what i have to deal with this but yet it gets to me. I am just done putting on a mask of something i should be , what if its it SHOULD BE ME , should be them who chooses who i am. i cant do it anymore i am sorry. dealing with this is just going to ruin me more and more .
Dealing what i have to deal with just puts stress and anxiety on me because i feel like what i have to walk into every single day is just a plain oh trigger for me because i never know whats gonna happen.
For those who don’t know what exactly is happening well ; back in my 4th period class , i saw a guy I’ve known since 4th grade do a thing that could get him in trouble and yet the sub didn’t see so i let someone know. fast forward to Friday i was fine till that class , i was stressing a little but when it came time , the kid walked in and talked to i don’t know who and i swear i heard my name and i started to just get anxious and emotional so i asked to leave the classroom to go see guidance and i talked to her and i started to tear up , i ended up staying in guidance after i went back to get my stuff till the bell rang and when it rung i saw the kid walk into guidance to help them and i’m like oh great. Ever since Friday (been exactly 4 days) when I’ve been panicky because i’m just really anxious about it and its made me not in the best place because anxiety fricken sucks. but also when i talked to my friend about it she called me a snitch. It just mentally hurts me that i cant do the right thing with out screwing up . sometimes its just hard being me . maybe i shouldn’t be me anymore cause i guess people don’t like that . I guess maybe its just time to fake everything and make everything seem like its okay when it truly may not.


#2

Kids are horrible. Once you graduate from school you’ll find out that school and the life around it was just a delusion. Life is nothing like High School even though a lot of people are so focus on the delusion that they remain forever stuck in a state that they were when they went to school. All it is a delusion, the whole atmosphere is a lie. Life in the real world is nothing like school.

(I am me and I am not me. I am in my late 30s. I know who I am and am connected to me. I have yet to perfect me. I am not the me that I hope to be, but I am the me that is present. I will always strive to be the me that I know. This is that I can ever be.)

As long as you strive towards the real you & try. It is enough


#3

Hi Ashley!
Hey dude thanks for reaching out!
Never apologize for being yourself. BE WHOLEHEARTEDLY YOU! If people can’t accept you being your true self, that’s their problem, not yours. You are wonderfully made! You are given your unique personality and traits for a reason. You are one of a kind, unrepeatable. NO one can take your place. NO one can offer to the world what only you can. We each have something different!
As fare as your situation goes, i know how you feel! i get anxious like that too sometimes and sometimes over really small stuff!
But just BREATHE. Everythings gonna be okay. i promise. Don’t overthink the situation. Yes, easier said than done. But focus on the beauty in life. Focus on the good in your life. Look in the mirror and even write the things you like about yourself, and maybe what you’re grateful for that happened in the day, it can be anything! Everything will be okay. If you did what was right and just don’t worry. People’s opinions don’t really matter anyways. Don’t be so hard on yourself, just relax, loosen up a bit and enjoy what God wants to show you each day.

I know what it feels like to want to be someone else. To get so tired of being the way you are. But friend that’s what makes you unique. You are good enough. just the way you are. i promise.

Everything will be okay. I promise. Breathe, drink a glass of water, dwell that on the fact that you are infinetly loved. Rest a while. Your anxiety does not define you. Hope this helps friend.

This quote helped me a lot! thought i share!
"One day at a time-this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it if gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering." <3


#4

I agree with the others above and buddy,

You Are Enough. Always have been and always will be. You. Are. Enough.

:smiley: