Trying to Conquer Negative thoughts

In recent months I have been seriously working on the art of positive thinking. I was raised believing that if you hope for anything you will be disappointed so I have always been pretty negative in the hope I will be pleasantly surprised by people but until recently that hasnt happened and its been a very long time. So what’s changed? I have, I have started reaching out, online of course but still thats a giant step for me and it has been astounding. I have come into contact with the most wonderful people who want to know me and seem to like me without judgement and that has in turn opened me up to the possibility that not everything in life is negative and not all people are “out to hurt me”
So what is the problem then? The problem is that when I am around these lovely people positivity flows from me and its genuine and I feel happy but the moment im back on my own all the negativity comes creeping back and I do not know how to stop it, I now feel like I need these people in order to maintain my peace of mind and that isnt fair on them or on me. So what do I do? how do I control that negativity when im alone?

5 Likes

From: jezlie (Discord)

hi friend. I used to think in a very similar way. I used to say that I didn’t except anything from anyone, ever, but then I still often found myself disappointed in people very often. Over time I realized I was really just setting myself up to only see the negative. By not expecting anything positive from anyone, I was really just waiting for me to prove they’re negative. It really wasn’t fair to me or them, because there’s no real way for any growth, and no way for me to let anyone prove me wrong, so to speak.

I really really admire your courage to take this challenge head on and work on a change. That’s no easy task. How do you control it? Time, mostly, and probably reflection just like this! Maybe find a notebook you really like or start recording yourself (if writing it out seems intimidating), and record things just like this? You could even start a thread on the wall! You’ve already made the biggest step, and that’s to start working on the change, AND you’ve seen the benefit already. That’s AMAZING progress, and it might be really beneficial to have it recorded somewhere to review when you feel like you’re not making any progress.

Thank you for sharing! I am so glad you did, not only for you benefit, but mine as well and allowing to me reflect on my own life, too (please forgive typos I am typing on my phone)

3 Likes

Hi @Lisaw1973

I’m so excited for you, you have already started to take some great steps into battling cynicism/negative thinking!

I think some of the first activities you can look into would be to practice gratitude. It might sound kinda cheesy, but when you start to think about what you appreciate in your life it can really change your outlook. For example I’m grateful for this community and being given a way to connect with people I would never get to meet in real life, especially while working at home.

Appreciating others is also a great way to show how much they mean to you.

Overall I think you are heading in the right direction, so I think it may just take time to get through some of the mental habits you have.

3 Likes

hi @Lisaw1973

thank you for sharing your vulnerability in something that so many have felt, myself included! negativity in times of solitude can be suffocating. i’m proud of you for being able to voice those feelings and making others feel not so alone.

self-love and validation is something that i hope with every fiber of my being that you are able to introduce to your life and mindset. having a stronger relationship with yourself through small compliments (it sounds cheesy, but even in the mirror!), doing self-care, reading letters from loved ones, etc. will help get you to a healthier place.

i believe in you fully to find dependence on yourself instead of mainly relying on others. please let me know if there are any other tactics we can talk through together. you got this!

love,
twix

2 Likes

Find your joy. Chase after your joy. Create joy. Find the thing or things that bring you joy. Reflect on the moments when you are with those people that help you feel the positive things. What is happening? What are you doing? How can you make those things happen on an individual basis?

For me, finding my joy looks like driving at night with the windows down and listening to my favorite tunes. Other times, it is me sitting on my balcony with some iced tea and reading a good book. And also, it is moments of being completely alone, listening to music until I get sleepy.

But also, don’t forget that it is ok to reach out and seek help, seek joy in others. There is no shame in that. You are valid. You are strong. You are made of great things.

3 Likes

Hi,
Thank you all for your lovely and thought provoking responses, I have read them all a few times. I am truly grateful for all of your help and advice. I have started writing when I have needed to get a something out of my head so that was interesting to read Jezlie, that is a new thing too.
Jezlie, Mishim, Twix and Starfox Thank you so much for caring and for being you. You make such a difference in peoples lives, I hope you know that. You have just done that for me. :heart:

2 Likes

This topic was automatically closed after 365 days. New replies are no longer allowed.