I have always had trouble fitting in as a kid. So often I feel like I have never grown out if it. With that being said I struggle to make friends. Among other things I’m struggling with. Pornography being among them, Questioning my calling and being the best husband I can to my wife. I frequently have nightmares about trying to express what I’m feeling an crying out for help. But no one ever listens. Ive often had trouble reaching out. I’m just rambling. Just trying to air out all that is on my heart.
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Hi Thomas_Edward_Conn
Thanks for posting here. It seems like you have a lot to unpack. If i were you i would try therapy. It is really good with unpacking and handling issues. Please find a psychologist that you are comfortable talking to and try doing therapy with them. It can really help you with all of those feelings you have.
I wish you luck and take care
Bye
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Hello @Thomas_Edward_Conn
Thank you so much for opening up on the forum here. I can really appreciate feeling like an outsider. I know it can hurt so much to feel so isolated. I know I to this day can feel like an imposter in a group setting. But I know I am loved by my family and friends, it is my anxiety and insecurities breaking me down. You are already doing so much just by asking for help. I’m proud of you for this step.
I would recommend writing out these thoughts and feelings, even if they don’t make sense to anyone else. Even if it is just a few words. It will help you sort things out in a logical way. I know it will feel awkward but as others have said reaching out for therapy is a good idea. If you aren’t ready for that, at least try to talk with your family and let them know you are having a hard time expressing yourself about it.
I’m not sure the struggle with the pornography but if it is bad habits/addiction, that can be changed. You are never beyond redemption or re-learning good habits. Maybe start with taking a break and see how things progress naturally without it in the picture.
With care/Mish
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hi @Thomas_Edward_Conn ,
thank you for being here with the heartsupport community and opening up with us on what you’re working through. you are heard and we are here for you. please know that this forum is free for you to open up and write out what all you’re feeling. sometimes writing/typing out your emotions can help you find a better understanding over your feelings and priorities.
with everything you are working through, your dreams do mean something - i think they’re trying to tell you how overwhelmed you are by the struggles you’re facing. maybe you could take each issue on one-at-a-time? for example, you can focus the rest of september on new routines with your wife such as a monthly date night or surprising her with what her love language is (gifts, service, time, etc.). then once you feel more stable in being the best husband you can be for her, you can work through discovering your calling. these are all suggestions but i do hope you are able to focus on one thing first instead of everything all at once.
i look forward to connecting with you again and hearing how you are! thank you again for being here with your HeartSupport community and allowing us in to listen. you got this, my friend.
love,
twix
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Hi @Thomas_Edward_Conn
Welcome and thank you for your post, I am glad you felt you could share your feelings here although sorry that you are struggling. From what you have written about the issues you have, your self esteem seems very low and that is sad to me because it seem as if you try very hard to please everyone and do your best.
You were not rambling, infact far from it.
I think it would be very helpful for you to find someone to speak to professionally about how you are feeling. Of course you can post here whenever you want but I think it would certainly be good for you to have both.
Please know that you are welcome here, you are valued and cared about and if you can voice your thoughts I truly believe you will start to feel a lot better within yourself.
Much love
Lisa 
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First off, I am extremely proud of you for opening up and allowing people to support you as well as come alongside you to encourage you. It takes a lot to step out like that. We are all here to listen and give you the space to express yourself. I do believe that talking to a professional would help in this situation. One thing about the time that we live in, we can stay in our comfortable space and still get the help and support that we need. There are SO many good resources on Heart Support and I encourage you to use them.
You are strong.
You are important.
You are enough.
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