This is going to possibly make a lot of sense or no sense at all. Let’s see how it goes…
A few months ago I was finally assessed by the Mental Health team due to how much of a danger I was becoming to myself with my mood constantly being at a rock bottom… I’m talking, I was constantly thinking about ways I could kill myself or self harm/relapse without hurting the people I loved.
As a result of the assessment, we found out that my GP has been treating me incorrectly since I was 15. Now at 23, we found out that instead of depression, I’m Bipolar.
About 3 weeks ago I started on a new medication… An anti-psychotic that is used to treat Bipolar, and it has stabled out my move so much. I was having major meltdowns every day, and since taking these, I haven’t had 1. However, this means there’s a lot of moods and mindsets that I’ve been dealing with that I have no experience with, and don’t know how to handle. Honestly, it’s more terrifying than when I was in the constant suicidal state.
So, the things I’m talking about are just “simple” things like… Being bored, feeling a little sad about something, frustrated and even grief… I’m still grieving over losing my dog a little under a year ago. On those days I’ve feeling a little low/sad, I don’t really have energy to enjoy things Every single one of these came with an extreme meltdown before, and now… It’s like… When I feel any of those things, I’m WAITING, for the urge to harm, or the urge to make up a suicide plan.
How do I deal with these things? What can I do so I’m not just WAITING for that major drop?
I know that being stuck in the house, it’s going to be harder to adjust than it would be if I were able to go out and do things, but all this change in my mental state is scaring me, and although I keep being reassured that this is what someone who ISN’T battling the things I spent 23 years battling feel, I could use some help to navigate these “normal” emotions.