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Tw//cheating Am i a bad person for cheating in a dream?

ive been dating my current boyfriend for 2 years, and honestly he’s help me figure out what i want and has been amazing overall and i really couldnt ask for a more supportive and caring boyfriend.
Lately though, ive been having dreams where I end up kissing or hooking up with other guys, and this scares me because I dont want to believe that i would ever do anything like that, especially to hurt him like that when hes been nothing but kind and loving. I’ve been cheated on before and have even seen my parents go through divorce because of cheating (though i was really young at the time and couldnt comprehend) so i know the after math and how bad it can get, and i would never cheat on him. but i dont know what to make of these dreams that keep cropping up like once a month for the past 6ish months, and these dreams make me feel super guilty as though i have actually cheated on him… i dont know what to do

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First off, welcome to the forum!

I’ve struggled with this before. When it kept happening, I turned to the internet for answers. Dream interpretation is iffy and not exactly proven science, but it seems to fit my recurring dreams well enough. Sex dreams are not always strictly about sex. Sometimes they’re symbolic of other things going on in your life, especially if you’re stressed about something specific. I searched for the dreams by specific details and scenarios, and I think Dream Bible was the website that popped up, but there are a few.

That doesn’t discount how disturbing those dreams are though. Guilt and shame are normal responses to such strong experiences, such as they are. You aren’t a bad person for having sex dreams though. A lot of people have them. Honestly, the best way I’ve found to cope with vivid sex dreams is to talk about them with my wife. I don’t get into the fine details, but I paint a broad picture and talk about how guilty or scared I feel when I wake up.

Lastly, remember that dreams don’t predict the future. Just because you dream about hooking up with other guys doesn’t mean you’ll cheat on your boyfriend. This is especially true if you confront your dreams head on instead of trying to hide from them. When you do things like search them online or tell your boyfriend (or us) about them, you’re confronting your dreams and telling them “You’re not real!”

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ahhh thank you so much for responding Q_Q i heard about this forum through a friend, and im very thankful for it!

I wanted to ask how did you go about talking to your wife about it? I feel very stable in our relationship, but i fear bringing it up may cause him to doubt me or become paranoid of “what ifs.” ive told him ive been feeling sad today, and now i think i may have worried him a little more than i should have or something

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I usually start with “Ugh, I had a really vivid sex dream that’s really bothering me.” If this is your first time talking about it, maybe start with something a little nicer than “Ugh,” maybe “I’m feeling really down today because.” You’re being honest and vulnerable, letting him in, and telling him it was a nightmare scenario that really upset you. If you were enjoying and looking forward to sex dreams, you would probably need to have a different conversation :grimacing:

For what it’s worth, my wife and I have only known each other for 3 years. After 2 years together, I’d think your relationship could handle it. People tend to catastrophize when we’re working up to hard conversations, but he may be relieved to know that a dream is all that’s upsetting you. It may even be a bonding moment. If he has any concerns, just talk through it and don’t shut the conversation down.

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