(Final Trigger Warning: Rape, Coercion)
Hello heartsupport family,
I knew I would share this story when I felt comfortable telling it. I just said this to a close friend and telling her made me feel better when she supported me and told me point blank what happened to me but I refused to say to myself, that I was raped.
If anyone remembers some of my past posts, you’ll know that around July - August of 2021 I had mental health break after dealing with stress from work, and school finals, and I quit dating apps. During that time, I started working out, cut my work hours, and I even went to the mountains and disconnected for a while. One of the things I always wanted to get was a massage, especially then because I was sore from working. I didn’t know any better, so I found a place that did walk-ins while I was out doing some chores. I get there and get taken to a room. Strip down to just my underwear, place the towel over me and get on the massage table. When the lady comes back in, she takes the towel off of me and tells me to take my underwear off. She leaves the room and I do so. She comes back in and does an actual massage on my back, when she tells me to flip over I grab another towel to cover myself. She tells me I don’t need to do that and takes the towel away from me. I am extremely uncomfortable now, and then she grabs my penis. She asks if I would like more. I didn’t know what to do, I was shocked. I just said yes and she then proceeds to ask for more money. When I tell her I don’t have any more cash, she dresses me up in a robe and leads me to an ATM machine, and makes sure I take out $120 for the service. When I do, she leads me back to the room and starts to do the works on me. In those moments I my brain shut down, and I felt numb. I couldn’t process what was happening to me. Important note for later: I didn’t finish. After my time was up, she cleaned up and I started to get dressed to leave. She left, and her manager came to escort me out of the building. She asked about my experience and I just said it was amazing. When she opened the door to let me out, she looked at me with a smile that scared me and said,
“Thank you for coming. Next time, we’ll get you a younger girl.”
When she said that, it all came crashing down on me. I drove home and had my first panic attack. I was filled with anxiety and guilt over what I did. Realizing what that place was, I anonymously reported it via phone call to my local police. I was paranoid for a few weeks after that, because this wasn’t an established masseuse trying to make an extra few bucks from a frequent client. The place had soundproofing, a TV in the massage room with all the security cameras, they only handled in cash. This place to my knowledge is used in sex trafficking. They were Asian women, who barely could speak English, and probably got illegally smuggled into the US without their ID or any way of communicating with anyone outside of the job and the managers. They are told that they must make money with their bodies and they force people into those situations for extra money. I was one of those people who was forced into paying.
That happened about ten months ago, and ever since I haven’t been able to enjoy sex. Any time I am talking to someone who is serious about having sex with me, I will start physically convulsing and getting really bad anxiety. Sometimes I’ll have a panic attack. It’s been like this ever since it happened. Once I noticed it I stopped looking to date whatsoever and I’m scared to go back. Every time I see the place, I get really anxious and nervous. I have only told this to one person. And now with you fine people.
Thank you for reading my post. I feel better writing this. More updates are coming soon
- Aidan
