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( TW ) I was Coerced and Raped + What it has done to me

(Final Trigger Warning: Rape, Coercion)

Hello heartsupport family,

I knew I would share this story when I felt comfortable telling it. I just said this to a close friend and telling her made me feel better when she supported me and told me point blank what happened to me but I refused to say to myself, that I was raped.

If anyone remembers some of my past posts, you’ll know that around July - August of 2021 I had mental health break after dealing with stress from work, and school finals, and I quit dating apps. During that time, I started working out, cut my work hours, and I even went to the mountains and disconnected for a while. One of the things I always wanted to get was a massage, especially then because I was sore from working. I didn’t know any better, so I found a place that did walk-ins while I was out doing some chores. I get there and get taken to a room. Strip down to just my underwear, place the towel over me and get on the massage table. When the lady comes back in, she takes the towel off of me and tells me to take my underwear off. She leaves the room and I do so. She comes back in and does an actual massage on my back, when she tells me to flip over I grab another towel to cover myself. She tells me I don’t need to do that and takes the towel away from me. I am extremely uncomfortable now, and then she grabs my penis. She asks if I would like more. I didn’t know what to do, I was shocked. I just said yes and she then proceeds to ask for more money. When I tell her I don’t have any more cash, she dresses me up in a robe and leads me to an ATM machine, and makes sure I take out $120 for the service. When I do, she leads me back to the room and starts to do the works on me. In those moments I my brain shut down, and I felt numb. I couldn’t process what was happening to me. Important note for later: I didn’t finish. After my time was up, she cleaned up and I started to get dressed to leave. She left, and her manager came to escort me out of the building. She asked about my experience and I just said it was amazing. When she opened the door to let me out, she looked at me with a smile that scared me and said,

“Thank you for coming. Next time, we’ll get you a younger girl.”

When she said that, it all came crashing down on me. I drove home and had my first panic attack. I was filled with anxiety and guilt over what I did. Realizing what that place was, I anonymously reported it via phone call to my local police. I was paranoid for a few weeks after that, because this wasn’t an established masseuse trying to make an extra few bucks from a frequent client. The place had soundproofing, a TV in the massage room with all the security cameras, they only handled in cash. This place to my knowledge is used in sex trafficking. They were Asian women, who barely could speak English, and probably got illegally smuggled into the US without their ID or any way of communicating with anyone outside of the job and the managers. They are told that they must make money with their bodies and they force people into those situations for extra money. I was one of those people who was forced into paying.

That happened about ten months ago, and ever since I haven’t been able to enjoy sex. Any time I am talking to someone who is serious about having sex with me, I will start physically convulsing and getting really bad anxiety. Sometimes I’ll have a panic attack. It’s been like this ever since it happened. Once I noticed it I stopped looking to date whatsoever and I’m scared to go back. Every time I see the place, I get really anxious and nervous. I have only told this to one person. And now with you fine people.

Thank you for reading my post. I feel better writing this. More updates are coming soon

  • Aidan
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It sounds like you really do need to spend some time with a therapist. I don’t know what I would’ve done in the same situation, but it’s entirely possible that I would have responded the same way you did.

At this point, the priority is to leave the experience and the subsequent anxiety behind. That’s where the therapy comes in. I suspect that you are dealing with self blame, and a very disorienting feeling of lost control. Remind yourself that it was a one time event, and it won’t happen again. Realize, that you are the same good person as you were before this thing happened.

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From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)

Hi taylored.for.content. I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. Please seek professional help. I think you really suffer from PTSD and it is notgoing to get better until you confront it. It will take time however but I think you should really try it. I cant even begin to describe how shocked I was while reading this. This was really a messed up place.I am glad you did report it. You have done the right thing. Please now try to take care of yourself and try to repare the damage done on yourself. I wish you the best of luck :heart:

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Thank you for sharing this with us, Aidan. This sounds like a very traumatic experience and I’m so sorry you went through it :hrtlegolove:

The idea of going someplace to relax and be comfortable to try and relieve stress and then the opposite happens and… I’m just so sorry. I echo what Wings said. I think seeing a therapist will help you a lot. You went through a trauma and they can help you with that. Good on you for reporting them and I hope that something good comes out of this by the place being shut down. It may be a small silver lining but hopefully if you hear of that happening it can help you some.

I wish you all the luck in finding peace and moving on from this experience. Maybe some day you can feel safe trying another massage and making sure that it is a proper and reputable place as those do exist and if you find that courage hopefully it helps you overcome this experience. You are a good person. :hrtlegolove:

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you so much for posting, I am so incredibly sorry that this happened to you. What happened to you was so disgraceful and I hope you know that you were put in that situation by no fault of your own, you went along with it because you felt pressured by and I think most people would have done the same, Im more than certain that I would have reacted the same way. These people are well practiced in manipulaion and know how to work their victims so please try not to feel any guilt over that what so ever. I am so glad you informed the police, that was a strong and brave thing to do and hopefully will help others from having to go throught the same thing. I think with regards to how you have felt since it sounds like some sort of ptsd although I am no medical person so I can only think that therapy could help, maybe even therapy that specialises in rape councelling. I truly hope that this can help you to move forward a bit and start to enjoy relationships again because you truly deserve that. Much Love Lisa xx

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