TW Self Harm, Dysphoria, Suicidal thoughts

I’ve been depressed for a while now… I’ve been off my meds and can’t get them refilled until my doctor’s appointment on the 21st of this month. I’m slowly losing it. The voices are getting louder and louder. My anxiety makes it hard to sleep… I have been thinking of suicide and just going down to the train tracks and waiting for the train… I am fighting but I feel like I’m losing my battle I don’t want to say goodbye. I’ve promised my friends I’d keep fighting and stay strong. I haven’t cut myself in a long time and I don’t want to start back up again… I have a therapist but I haven’t been able to talk to her yet this week. I’m experiencing my first ever form of dysphoria. I hate my body. It’s hard to look in the mirror… I wish I was someone else. I just want to feel loved… Like I belong somewhere… I’m tired of feeling like I don’t belong anywhere… I have been staying safe but staying safe is hard… It’s hard to get up out of bed in the mornings and get ready for work… I just want to feel something! Anything!

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It’s tough when that happens. When you hate the person in the mirror. But something that might help is to look in the mirror and think of all the battles you have won, the mountains you have climbed. Focus on your successes, not your failures.

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Just like Slayer said, focus on the positive things, how strong you are.
Keep that in your mind.
Say to yourself how strong you are, youre worth it and you are a good person. Everyday.
Be proud of yourself, you can be proud my friend.

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Hello Pigeon,

First off, I love your user name. Secondly, I am so proud of you for coming to HeartSupport & posting on the wall. I am sorry that you are having a lot on your shoulders right now. Would it help if you started a new hobby or something to do each day that would help with creating a routine? Maybe go for a walk outside, start painting, listen to podcasts, or something that gives you joy each day. Those are some things that help me when I am down & need something to look forward. Thank you for being a part of our world. Keep on fighting. You can do it. I believe in you.

You are valid. You are strong. You are wonderful. You are enough. You matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Friend, I just wanted to say that its really great that you haven’t self harmed. I know how hard that is. I’ve been off my meds for almost a week now just because I haven’t picked them up. So, I feel you about the voices and I’ve had a couple rough days because of it. I think as soon as you get back on your meds and are able to sit down with your therapist to talk, you’ll start to feel better. I know it’s hard, but just do your best to cope and know that this is only temporary. I hope you will also talk to your therapist about the dysphoria and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing it. ~Mystrose

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Friend, Thank you for your post. I am so sorry firstly that your medication has run out, is there no way of having your prescription waiting at the pharmacy when you are getting near to the end of your previous prescription, I order mine every 3 weeks so that they are waiting for me, however I do understand that it is different in different places so that may not be quite so easy but it might be worth asking your doctor if its possible as taking these meds and then being without them for periods of time is bound to mess with your mood, they work on chemicals in the brain and really do require a constant and regular amount of medication for it to work properly. I cannot imagine having these voices that want you to hurt yourself, i am so glad you have a good support group around you. I know it is hard and I admire your strenght greatly. You sound like a powerful young person and you deserve the life that you desire and I hope in time that you get that. Please keep posting if you need us. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

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From: AlexisPlushie

I am proud of you that you have not cut yourself in a while, keep that going you got this! I hope you can get your meds soon, that appointment is in a few days you got this!

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Hallos! First of all we can’t give any advice about medication mainly beacause we are not professionals. But I really think you need to seek urgent help by calling a national suicide hotline and you are clearly not safe well safe enough. How long have you been feeling like this? Anxiety is somthing that can be controlled with coping methods online.

Do you have a Safety Plan? If not I highly suggest you should make 1 on the heartsupport forum. Im glad you are still with us!

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Hi that_pigeon.
I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. I know what it is like to be off meds. It really sucks and it really puts you in a dark place. I think you should go see your therapist but I know it might take a while. Have you tried to call them? They might give you some advice in your situation. I understand you want to feel loved. I get that. I think there isnt a person on the planet that would not want to feel that. I think the lack of feeling you are experiencing is also because you are not on your meds. I think it would be a really good idea to try to create a safety net. A list of people you can talk to and ask for help if things become too bad. There is also a safety plan here on HS you can use. I hope your therapist will help you and you can get on your meds soon. Stay safe :heart:

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Hi that_pigeon,

I’m sorry that you feel like this and that you feel like you shouldn’t be part of your body. You’ve done a lot of good things in your life and if we all stay positive, everyone will be much happier. There are a lot of thoughts that go through your mind when you sare going through such things and I feel how hard it can be.

Just live life. Don’t complicate it. Talk to your therapist, get professional help, and keep it simple and positive. We are here to support you with that and we wish you the best of luck. We love you and you matter :hrtlegolove:

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Hello there! I am sorry that you are feeling this way. We all feel uncomfortable in our own bodies at times, for me, it’s mentally. I can never feel well there. I am also always uncomfortable with my body, it’s saddening to feel this. It’s a tough time. But, you can get through this. I know you can. You’re an amazing individual, please, don’t stop taking care of yourself.

Much love

Shadow<3

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Thank you so much! I’m doing better now. I usually cope by playing video games or drawings/painting. I used to walk in the evenings but I have this stalker that’s been bothering me.

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I am glad you are doing better. Keep on doing what helps you. You got this!

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