I’m a hot mess so I’m in hight school and we just had Christmas and new year break and one of my friends who I thought was mental stable befor break decided to try and end her life over break and told me about it cupple days ago and I been try to process that, and just try to be there to support her throw this time, and is not been easy as is take a toll on my mental health,and today she scared the crappy out me as she text that she what to end her life and that she was not in treatment like I thought she was as she has covid, I really don’t know what else I can do to support her, I somehow feel like is my fault that I should have provided her form doing it, I don’t know how to deal with this situation and how I should be moving forward and what to do to help her when she comes back to school. I’m stressed as am worried for her safety as she not get the help she needs. I so lost and just need someone to understand
It is absolutely not your fault. Regardless of the outcome, you deserve appreciation for trying to help her. Share this link with her:
It’s easy to feel helpless in this kind of situation, but you can only do so much. If you put too much pressure on her, she may distance herself from you, so it’s better to remain close if you can. When a person is experiencing a suicidal level of pain or depression, a friend who is a good listener can make all the difference in the world. If you feel that she is in immediate danger of ending her life, you might get the best advice by calling the hotline yourself. If she’s in the process of, or discussing taking physical steps toward ending her life, call 911.
She might change her mind and decide that suicide isn’t the answer, but may need help in finding what really is a good answer.
You are a wonderful friend for caring so much and trying to help her.
I feel for you truly so much. I have experienced a similar situation and it made me question who I was over and over again. It did however make me realize that I was actually helping and really there is no reason to fault, be mad, or disappointed in yourself for “not helping enough” We never really know what the other person is thinking. But the fact that you are reaching out and doing what you can really shows the care you have for your friend! That kind of love is powerful and when you share it for one another it grows continually! I’m certain your friend is feeling it and I promise it’s helping more than you can imagine. I’m so proud of you and of how strong you are! Take time to breathe in the comfort and peace you need, and exhale all the heaviness and worry you have. When you do that, send that wonderful feeling to your friend! May the healing light bless you and your friend with overwhelming love!
This is absolutely not your fault. When someone attempts to end their own life, they find themselves stuck with a dreading feeling of hopelessness. It works as if we have some kind of tunnel vision and our perception of reality gets distorted, highly conditioned by our emotions. Even if we have the support we need, even we know we are loved and cared for, it is a specific process that happens in our mind and results on a personal decision. I have absolutely NO doubt that you have been showing how much you love your friend and care about her. And that is all you can do in this situation, besides eventually referring them to crisis and professional services, and encouraging them in taking the steps required in order to be helped. You, in this situation, also need to take care of yourself, which will never make you selfish in any way - on the contrary. This situation involved some heavy and deep emotions. It doesn’t make you a bad friend if you feel lost, scared or helpless. It ias absolutely understandable and is actually the manifestation of how much you care.
As for now, if you are somehow stuck alone with this situation, I would strongly encourage you to seek help from someone else, to make sure that a trusted person could be involved as a third party. It is a privilege to be so trusted by someone, especially when they are in distress, but it is okay to gather as much help as possible so you don’t stay alone with this either. Is there an adult who could be involved? A parent, an older sibling, your parents, a teacher or a counselor at school? I know it is probably scary to even think about it, as there is a risk for your friend to be upset. But sometimes it is the kind of step we need to take for someone to be safe - until they are more calm and understand that it was made for them and not against them. All in all, I don’t want you to stay alone with this. It is the kind of “secret” that can become a heavy burden and eats you alive. You can also call crisis lines for yourself and ask for practical advices from them. They could screen your situation more practically and guide you towards some steps to take.
You are an amazing friend. Make sure to do something to rest and find some peace in the meantime, okay? I know it’s hard to let go of thins that are out of our control. But I can assure you, your presence, your trust, your love, are already a lot in the life of your friend. Now, she will need to take practical steps in order to get the help she needs.
I am so sorry that you have experienced this. It could never be your fault if your friend commit suicide! Dont ever think that! If you can then try and focus on yourself as well. Do some selfcare. It seems like you could need some breathing space here <3 Its my experience that it can feel good to talk openly about suicidal thoughts. If I were your friend I would love if you asked me directly when we met at school if I still have those thoughts. It would take some weight off my shoulders. I am sending you lots of thoughts and hugs. You seem to be a really good friend.
It can be a lot, thinking that someone is living a good life but you suddenly realise that it is the exact opposite. You aren’t the reason why she’s feeling like this, you’re helping her by being her friend and knowing that she has somebody to talk to. Make her feel okay to address this topic, maybe ask her how she’s feeling every now and then and just try to comfort her as much as you possibly can. If you feel comfortable with doing so you can always direct her to this forum too, we’d be glad to help as well!
You’re the best for empathising and you have no reason to blame yourself because of how she’s feeling. Feel free to update us
Hey Friend, Thank you so much for posting here, firstly I think you are a wonderful friend to have. That must have been such a dreadful shock for you to find that out your friend had those feelings and you were not aware and that is a very important point, if you didn’t know your friend had these feelings and thoughts there is no way you could have prevented what happened. Sadly even when we are very close to someone they don’t always share their innermost fears for many different reasons and that is no reflection on you at all. So now that you do know how she is feeling all you need to do is remain her friend and be there when she needs you, be available to her, enquire as to how she is but gently, she will talk to you if she is ready to and if the opportunity arises maybe suggest seeing a therapist? I also reiterate what @Wings says if you fear for her safety in anyway please call the numbers he has given you. Thank you for being such a wonderful person and helping. Much Love Lisa
Hi @kaitlin I think just being there for her is a great way to support her. You could even ask her how she needs you to support her. I know from experience that when someone reaches out and asks me how they can support me, it makes me feel seen. Some light is let into the darkness when that happens and the feeling of knowing someone cares is very comforting. I think you should also make sure you are taking care of your own mental health by being mindful of boundaries and encouraging her to get help gently is a great idea. Take car! ~Mystrose
Welcome back to the forum, kaitlin! That can be so scary to go from thinking someone is in a good place mentally to being told the exact opposite is true. I hope you are able to talk to someone about how it is making you feel. It is perfectly reasonable and normal to have this affect you and that you need to talk about it. And please don’t put any blame on yourself. I know it’s hard not to feel responsible but when people want to hide how they are feeling then they will and it can be impossible sometimes to know that someone is in a bad place until something happens.
It’s wonderful that you want to be there for your friend and support her. That is what is important. Now that you know you want to be there and be her friend. Let her know that. Let her know you care about her and you aren’t going anywhere.
I think when you are able to be together again in person that you should find someplace you can be alone and give her a big hug (if that is something you two do) and tell her what she means to you. And the best way to know how to help someone is to ask them point blank what you can do to help. But she may not have an answer. She might not know what’s wrong or what can help. If she doesn’t ask for anything or she tries to deny your help, don’t push her. Just be there for her. Ask her how she’s doing. Ask her if she wants to hang out. Don’t force anything and don’t act differently than you used to if you are able. Make the same stupid jokes and do whatever you would normally do together. And every so often ask her how she’s doing or if she wants to talk about anything. Those are just some thoughts I have from my experience with a similar but less severe situation. The most important thing is to just be her friend. That’s all you can really do. Be her friend and show her how much you care about her.
You are an amazing person. Good luck