From BulletzFoBrunch: TW: ||suicide, self harm||
Last night my invasive thoughts were really getting to me. To the point where I started crying and ||I had a knife to my arm and was about to cut myself… however, I was struggling to do it. I reached out to the suicide hotline because I didn’t have a way to get ahold of my therapist.||
I’m not proud at all of what happened…
Hey Bulletz
I am sorry you were having such awful thoughts last night, its frightening at night when you feel the most vunerable for that to happen and I’m sorry it upset you so much.
I am however incredibly proud of you, you may well have reached for a knife and put it to your arm but you didn’t do anything and that my friend takes strength and so does callling a suicide hotline.
I know it can feel like a big old fail when those thoughts pile in but its how you deal with them that matters and you did a wonderful job. You are awesome. xx
Bulletz,
Intrusive thoughts really are rough aren’t they? I’m so sorry you had to struggle with that. It’s so hard when you have to really fight with your own brain and what it wants to tell you. But I have to tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed of my friend. You struggled yes. BUT - you didn’t give in to cutting. You did exactly what you should have done and you reached out for help in the right place.
I’m so very proud of you! I’ll say it again - I’m very proud of you! You can’t always control when intrusive thoughts are going to rear their ugly heads and come at you, but you did an amazing job of responding to it all. Well done.
I’m VERY proud of the fact that you didn’t cut and you reached out for help. THAT is something to be proud about 100%. I’m sorry that you’ve been having intrusive thoughts, it can become very distressing. I’ve had to deal with that as well and I want to share a great video with you that helped me. I’m hoping it will help you too. You matter!
From BulletzFoBrunch: But I am ashamed…=======
From BulletzFoBrunch: I’m ashamed of letting myself get that way.
Hey @BulletzFoBrunch, I hear you. Although really want to reassure you regarding the fact that shame doesn’t need to hold any space in your mind right now. What you’re going through is the reflection of your pain, of your humanity. It doesn’t make you a failure, or crazy, or someone weird. Actually, you are being extremely BRAVE and COURAGEOUS for reaching out and being honest about what’s happening, even more for reaching out to a hotline when you needed it the most. It may not change everything instantly, but these are practical steps that you’ve been taking to counteract the effects of these invasive thoughts, actual steps towards healing.
We’re not ashamed of you here – at the total opposite, very proud that you don’t stay alone while you are struggling. You deserve safety, and you will manage to overcome this rough patch.
If I may ask, do you already have a future meeting scheduled with your therapist?
Hold Fast. You are so very loved and you matter.
From BulletzFoBrunch: I had a meeting yesterday, and I told him about it, but he said I’d probably be better off seeing somebody in person. So it isn’t going to work out.
From Micro: That’s an intriguing thing to say from a therapist. May I ask how do you feel about it? Do you feel comfortable having therapy without it being in-person? Only asking because, ultimately, this has to be your choice first and foremost. <:hrtLegoLove:390927785717137409>
From BulletzFoBrunch: I would find that it be much harder for me to open up in front of somebody.
From Micro: Makes completely sense. I’m personally the opposite – despite social anxiety, I feel safer if I’m in the presence of the therapist, in the same room.
Regarding what this therapist said to you though, it sounds like this was more his decision than yours? How do you feel about it?
From BulletzFoBrunch: Well from everything I had told him about recent events, it was more his decision, but honestly I agree that I would probably get more help from being in person.
From BulletzFoBrunch: I’ve already broken it off and have started searching again.
From Micro: That is wonderful to hear. 
Sounds like you’re willing to extend your comfort zone on that matter, which is likely to lead to some good growth for you. I wish you all the best in your search for a new therapist. This may be a bit of a journey (finding the right one and all that), but you’ll get there. Super proud of you.
From BulletzFoBrunch: Thank you.===============