So yesterday I had one of my worst days and fights with the urge to self injure- but I overcame it. I felt lonely to the point I was crying and yelling at myself forever- my thoughts came bombarding out of my brain all at once and I was left feeling numb and thinking that I had nobody because that’s how I truly felt. I felt pain like I hadn’t in a long time.
But I made it- and this Sunday will mark my 31st day self injury free which is the longest I have gone without self injury (at least that I can recall).
This morning I didn’t get out of bed until basically 12:00 pm and I thought that was going to be my day- laying in bed depressed- but it wasn’t. My dog came into my room and I don’t even know it was like something clicked and I felt so happy- and I looked out my front door and saw hummingbirds ( which are my favorite bird) and I was just happy. I thought that my day was going to go wasted- but it wasn’t. I actually ate vegetables today (what an achievement) and I ate relatively healthy (for the most part). I got more into Dwarf Planet and I am hoping to make more time for it come Monday, and maybe forge through it until I leave for Warped Tour and vacation time. I also got to play Overwatch with Dan and Casey and Kayla and Adam and Pales (sorry for all the ands) and I had a blast; I didn’t talk much (because push to talk) but you best bet your bottom dollar I was laughing my butt off ahah. It was great and made me so happy.
I also got to watch the HS livestream (well the creative encouragement part) and I just had a really nice time and it just made me even happier.
From all this- although yesterday was the worst day in a long time- I realize that it doesn’t have to be that way forever- and it doesn’t have to affect my whole week or month; that used to happen a lot- but I feel as though I am slowly growing out of it and it is nice to see improvement.
So, I just want you all to know that even though today may be a shit day- tomorrow may not be. Things will get better. It is possible. Hold fast.
Lyss (ur old pal Blurryface)