I’m stressed, so I push it off. I can’t pick up the phone or go outside because it sends me into an immediate panic attack. I’m dying slowly over the past year and even with some support I feel obligated to “improve”, which puts pressure on me, which stresses me, which hurts me.
I can’t think anymore, there’s too many thoughts and I can’t stop thinking about what worries me.
Am I just stuck? I can post to a forum because at least here, no one will ever know my name or hear my voice or see my face.
You might have heard the term, agoraphobia, which pretty much describes fear of “being out in the open.” Regarding feeling obligated to improve, you are responsible only to yourself. Pressuring yourself to improve is a source of self induced anxiety. It’s as though you are anxious about continuing to feel anxious.
You have indicated that you can’t think, essentially because you are thinking too much. That sounds to me as though you have repeating patterns of negative thoughts, which occupy your mind, and you have been unable to turn them off.
So, I’d say that you are stuck, but as far as I can tell, that’s not unusual. There are ways to get unstuck, but those who are stuck are not likely to see them. There is a relationship between the panic attacks and being stuck, as the repeating pattern of thoughts reinforce the anxiety.
Therapists often use gradual desensitization techniques to help people overcome anxiety triggers. For example, in your case, just holding the phone in your hand for a few minutes daily can help you become more comfortable with it. Perhaps stepping outside and standing on the porch for a few minutes, can begin the process of reducing anxiety related to going out. Then maybe you can step out into the yard and listen to the birds and the wind.
There is some really nice calming meditation music on YouTube. I think you might find that helpful.
Be patient with yourself. Healing must occur on your unique timetable, not someone else’s.
Hey! I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I have a mental illness called Agoraphobia which sounds similar to what you are describing. I understand how hard it can be to socialise, leave your house and live with constant anxiety. I have found some online therapy skills that have really helped me. I hope you know you are not alone and that many people deal with panic attacks. I have had them and it’s not fun. I would encourage you to look for online resources if you feel comfortable or maybe speak to a therapist online if it is hard for you to get out of the house or make a phone call. There are many websites where you can just text or email a qualified mental health worker. I hope this can help you in some way! You are loved
On Saturday May 1st, the HeartSupport team deployed to a Taco festival in Houston Texas.
We posted a shortened version of your topic to the Support Wall at the festival, and asked festival goers to respond to your post by writing on a tile. Each picture below is of 1 tile, and is from someone who cared enough to stop and speak encouragement to you.
Here are their replies to your post. We hope that the words and support from these Houstonians help encourage and support you.
