I feel like everything I do isn’t good enough for my dad. I try to clean my room he rolls his eyes and says everything is still a mess. I shower everyday to stay clean for my job and he still gives me a bad look. I feel like I’m a worthless piece of dirt in his eyes everyday of my life. I get heck of depressed due to the fact I feel like he doesn’t appreciate me no matter what I do. I’m starting to lose hope and am now completely lost in life with nowhere to turn
I was in the same situation just like you Ricky. The history between me and my father hasn’t been all that great. I remember when I got back home from Afghanistan things between us two didn’t click right. Part of It was because of me and the other was him. I was drinking heavily and I got annoyed by his gripes just like you are with your dad. One night me and him got into a big fight and I had trouble forgiving him. I never spoke to him for the longest time. As time went on I had to move out of the house to get away from him so that nothing further could escalate into something violent. My plan worked out for the most part but the connection that we once had was lost. You hear that saying? “Time heals all wounds” Its kinda true. For my part It certainly helped because when I left him, he forgot how much he missed me. He practically relies on me to pick up his slack LOL. In the end we both apologized to one another for our faults. He told me that all Dads give their sons hell. Deep down I feel like my dad did more than others with kids I grew up with.
I don’t believe that you are worthless. Check that negative affirmation and then cross It out, black It out, toss It in the trash where It belongs. There’s something your good at
Maybe there’s something going on with him that needs to be brought to light. Nothing will be solved without talking to him. Whenever you’re ready. Go.
Damn Devin - you rocked that. Totally legit.
You certainly are not a piece of dirt @RickyP. You are loved and are good at a lot of things but sometimes the circumstances we’re involved in make it really hard to see those things.
At this point, with your ending statement,
I’m concerned for a possible danger to yourself. Do you have other adults that you can talk too, like your mom/teacher/school counselor/church deacon/priest etc. Often that verbiage that I posted in the quote could indicate a want to, or early stages of, thoughts of harming yourself. Please reach out to your supports if that is the case. Another option would be to use the suicide awareness hotline/text line: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 800-273-TALK (8255).
Ultimately, turn to who you know and trust, be that a peer or adult. You are not alone in this and are certainly not the first kid (or adult) to struggle with parents. To speak to the things you’ve pointed at that you ARE doing right - you clean your room, you maintain a JOB (many adults can’t do that) and you shower daily (that’s okay too!).
A solution might be - talk to your dad, look at the situation and tell him how you feel based on his actions, as you see them. You might say, “Dad, I feel like I don’t matter when you roll your eyes and comment at me after you look at my clean room. I feel like I can’t do anything good enough for you. What can I do to make it cleaner?”
It would be beneficial for you to talk to someone about your feelings, not just about your father but in general as it sounds like things have been really heavy for you. Sometimes, if the issues revolve around family enough your therapist will involve your dad/parent and begin healing those wounds.
Keep being you, keep doing the good that you do. Make a list of the positives in your life and what’s going well. Make a list of people in your life you can turn too in times of need including their contact information and keep it close (both lists). You are more than the validation from your father.
You are appreciated.
Once a week I read up on Heartsupport and pick a few posts to respond to as part of my gaming therapy stream. Yours was one of the threads we picked tonight. Feel free to drop by the stream and chat if you like as we’re always happy to chat and support.