I’ve been dealing with major depressive disorder. My fiance just told me that she wanted to call it quits. Nothing in my life seems to be right and I am the common denominator. She’s the onl one I ever proposed to and she only one I even will propose to. I don’t really want to be around people anymore. I care for them about as much as they care for me. It’s probably best that I separate myself from people. I bring nothing worthwhile to the table anyway. The only reason I’m posting this here is because it doesn’t feel quite right. As tempting as it is, as alluring as it is, it still doesn’t feel quite right and I have no idea what to do. I should probably eat today, but beyond that I don’t know what to do.
Frankly, it doesn’t feel right because it isn’t. It’s never okay to isolate yourself, because you think everyone will be better off without you. Because that’s not true. And you deserve better. You shouldn’t seal yourself off from the world, thinking it’s for others’ sake. You should live as best you can with those you love, for their sake, and more importantly, yours. If you close yourself off, you’ll feel more horrible than you already do. Surround yourself with people who care about you, and I’m sure things will start to look even just a tad brighter.
Thank you for the response. It’s good to know that someone cares enough to respond. The idea of isolation was more for my sake. There’s nothing worse than being lonely in a crowd. I would still have my coworkers. I could live vicariously through them. I need to get supplies. I think I’ll wear my wedding ring while out. Then I’ll come home, put it away and probably never look at it again, but at least I will have worn it one single day.
Nothing is worse than feeling you aren’t good enough or that you are always the problem. I can definitely relate to that feeling and all I can really say is, try and remember that it’s just your head telling you that. If you really believe that you are the issue, then you have to fix it and the only way you can fix it, is if you actually look in the mirror and realize that you have room to grow to become a better person. I’m sure your fiancé loves you deeply and still wants to be with you, but it is very tough being with someone when they don’t want to change or they just accept that they are always at fault. Relationships are hard and it only gets worse if you continue down that path. Communication is key. If you haven’t talked to her about your problems yet, I recommend that because I think it’ll only bring you guys closer together.
Know your worth and know that you deserve to be loved and deserve to give love as well. I believe you will come out on top of this and you will see that light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep pushing on! You’ve got this.
Thank you for your kind words. I guess I’ve just never really fit in anywhere. I have an engineering degree, but I work as a tree trimmer. That roughneck bunch of misfits are the only ones who ever welcomed me with open arms.
Me and my fiance do deeply love each other, but this is our second time around. There won’t be a third. So I have this useless 500 dollar piece of metal that I will never wear and most likely never look at again. Neither of us are young. She was my endgame. There’s no plan B. Maybe with the right combo of meds and ongoing counseling, I might to start feeling like a member of the human race again.
I care for my friends family and coworkers. I just don’t really want to communicate with them right now.
Sorry for being so bleak. I’m eating regularly. That’s really the best I can do right now.
It’s all love. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been going through but I can say that I respect and appreciate your openness with what you’re dealing with. It seems you know what to do and I have full faith in you to make sure it happens. I just hope you know that if you ever need someone to talk to, we’re all here for you.
