I’m so tired of remembering I didn’t meet _________’s expectations. And I can fill in this blank with so many names. I’m reminded of them through social media or somehow I cross their path and all that comes to my brain is how I didn’t meet the expectation I believed that they had for me. Or the expectation I know they had for me that I could never achieve. There was always something wrong with me. And it bleeds into me today. I feel like I’ll never be able to fully meet someone else’s expectations because I didn’t then. I wasn’t just right for them, so how can I be now? The most annoying part is how I can be soooo close but just barely and that somehow Be missing all of it. It just hurts and makes me not want to try to meet any further expectation here. I feel like I will always fail. Or at least, never succeed to their level. Love you friends…
EWest
Hey friend,
I don’t know who’s expectations you feel like you haven’t met. But I can say that those people do not see it like that at all. People generally appreciate effort rather than result. And if you try your best, that’s all anyone will ask of you.
You’re good enough, you’re strong enough, you’re enough.
Hang in there
Hey EWest. I’m sorry that you’re feeling like this, but, if people are expecting things of you that aren’t achievable for you, they’re not worth worrying about.
Just because they were a part of your life before, doesn’t mean they have to be again. You have a community of people who won’t ever expect you to do more than your best in everything. You’re doing so much better with things than you think you are. You won’t always fail. You don’t always fail.
When I first came to HeartSupport, Casey and Dan put me in contact with 2 other addicts that had been in recovery for a while… When they laid down what they expected me to do in order for them to support me how they could, I argued with those people everyday. Refusing to listen until they forced me to, and I found, when I actually did those things, they weren’t crazy expectations at all… I live in a house with abusive parents, and their expectations of me are insane compared to what I’m physically and mentally capable of doing. If I don’t meet them, I get put down relentlessly… It took a while, but, I had to learn that focusing on the things that the people who support me and love me have set for me is the way I’m going to keep going…
All those expectations are, are to do the things I need to do daily to stay alive. Eat, sleep, take my meds, go to my meetings… Nothing crazy… Because I can’t do that on my own. So, stick to YOUR OWN expectations if they’re healthy (mine were not). If not, stick to the expectations you know we have… Which is just to do your best. If one day, your best is just getting out of bed for an hour… That’s totally ok. We won’t ever put you down or judge you.
I love you!
Hold Fast
Kayla
Eran. Good to see your name again. I feel like I can understand your feelings as i’ve also been disappointed in myself many times with regards to other people. I want to hear more, and possibly discuss with you because we can express new ways of thinking and benefit from each other. Whatever you want to talk about I want to listen. I know you have great passions in drums, this community, and most importantly your faith. I ADMIRE YOU SO MUCH for your path with Christ. I want to meet my own expectations for myself in being that close to the Lord.
Talk soon - Love to you always.
-Leon