Unopened letter : update #2

Hi !

For reference my initial thread was here and the 1st update here.

I saw the psychiatrist on Saturday, those meetings are super hard on me, i feel very exposed and unspared. There would be more to say but i’d rather keep it simple for now. He prescribed antidepressants, they should take 1-2 weeks to have an effect from what i read, and this feels like a veeeeeeeery long time.

About the letter, i felt i had to act on it but still couldn’t handle it directly, so i sent an email to my parents stating that i can’t take care of it now but that i’ll contact them when it’s possible for me.

I’m feeling very bad right now, trying to hang in there but you know it’s a feeling that i’m in distress but nothing can help. I think i just don’t know how to handle things when i feel bad like that. Now i’m just trying to keep myself together and wait.

Hope you all are doing ok, thanks for reading !

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Hey @soloroad,

Thank you once again for sharing these updates! It’s always a joy to see you around.

Well done for seeing your psychiatrist. As you’ve described, these meetings can be very uncomfortable. It’s exhausting! Though every time you go there is a victory. You can be proud of yourself, really.

He prescribed antidepressants, they should take 1-2 weeks to have an effect from what i read, and this feels like a veeeeeeeery long time.

Did your psychiatrist give you any details about this? I know some psychiatrists can be very light when it’s about prescribing something, and it’s very important that they answer any question you would have about it.

Not to discourage you at all, but it can be also longerthan 1-2 weeks. For me it was more 3 weeks. The way our body reacts is always different for everyone. Hence why it’s a bit of a tough process: we don’t know how it’s going to be for us, and if we would need to change medications over time. But when it does work, it is a very, very helpful crutch for the time that it is needed.

I’d encourage you to make sure to read the meds notice before, so you would be aware of how it works. At the beginning, expect it to possibly make you feel worse. For some people it does. That wouldn’t mean it’s not working though, but that your body needs time to adapt to it. For me, I was more anxious and I was having more suicidal thoughts. But knowing it helped me to not feel like I was goin crazy or something. Make sure you reach out to people you love, and here as well, if you feel alone or if it is difficult emotionally speaking. Keep a safety net for yourself,and don’t be afraid of reaching out to your psychiatrist even outside of a meeting if you have any question to ask, or if things are too difficult.

Hope I don’t scare you or anything with this encouragement by the way. It’s just important to be patient when you start that type of medication, and to keep in mind that the first effects you would feel are not meant to last. <3

so i sent an email to my parents stating that i can’t take care of it now but that i’ll contact them when it’s possible for me.

That’s an amazing step and way to compromise between what you can or cannot do at the moment. Also to ease the potential pressure from them, even if not said explicitely. Well done. You keep taking control of the situation and making healthy decisions.


If you tend to be alone, I’d also encourage you to join the HS Discord server and to hang out with the community during the Twitch streams. These are good places to both reach out and just share life together. For me the streamings have been a really nice place for connection. It would be awesome to see you there.

I’m sending lovey your way. :hrtlegolove:

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Thank you so much for your answer ! <3

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Sorry i didn’t elaborate more in my previous message !

Antidepressants : thank you a lot for all the advice, i will read the notice and be ready in my mind to wait even longer :slight_smile: Thanks also for the warning about increased risks and feeling worse !

Something happened today, an epiphany

I was sleeping and then i had sort of a vision, where i saw all my flaws… i could see clearly how i was malfunctionning, which people i had hurt in my life, and it went a bit dark cause i felt i was a “pervet” person and that i was dangerous to people and i would die alone lol - but it was all looking neutral to me

When i got up i thought about all that, went to the conclusion that i was not pervert but took all the mechanisms i saw and wrote them down. I feel this is gonna be actually useful for therapy.
Also it gave me hope :

  • i saw there was a path for getting better
  • i saw my share of responsability in my family trouble and thus felt like i understood them and loved them and that everything could improve
  • i sent my apologies to a friend i stopped talking to months ago on an unresolved issue
  • i called my aunt and she invited me for coffee in 2 days, yay !
  • i messaged my cousin and we talked for a long while and it felt really good

Also, please hang on to your seats… my parents answered my mail, saying the enveloppe was… just a flyer for an exposition of a family friend !!! I actually felt so much relief. Still i will really need to explain them what happened here so they understand what limits are for, but i mean my father doesn’t have cancer, yay !
The mail was kind of loving and it made me feel “reconnected” to them. I think they understood i needed more time.

Now i realize this all looks a bit crazy, and maybe it is, also i don’t have personnal faith i attribute all of this to, but it just happened and i take it. I feel so much better now, in peace.

I don’t know if there will be a future update, in case not thank you again so much @Micro for your incredible help ! <3

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  • i saw there was a path for getting better
  • i saw my share of responsability in my family trouble and thus felt like i understood them and loved them and that everything could improve
  • i sent my apologies to a friend i stopped talking to months ago on an unresolved issue
  • i called my aunt and she invited me for coffee in 2 days, yay !
  • i messaged my cousin and we talked for a long while and it felt really good

I am absolutely blown away by all of this! That is truly amazing. But also SO MUCH! You’ve had a real breathrough with this epiphany that has conducted to some amazing steps and realizations. Well done!

Also, please hang on to your seats… my parents answered my mail, saying the enveloppe was… just a flyer for an exposition of a family friend !!! I actually felt so much relief. Still i will really need to explain them what happened here so they understand what limits are for, but i mean my father doesn’t have cancer, yay !

What a relief! Boom. This letter is now out of your mind. Although it has definitely taught you something and has been somehow life changing too, in a good way.

The mail was kind of loving and it made me feel “reconnected” to them. I think they understood i needed more time.

That is truly amazing! When I had to step down and also tell my dad that I needed a break, I have received from him an email that was the most honest, vulnerable and loving I ever had from him. He explained that he understood and respected the time I need. That in the meantime he won’t stop loving me, missing me, and being proud of me. We never talked that way, and it was very moving emotionally to see him having, somehow, the opportunity to finally be the dad he should have been before.

Sometimes vulnerability and breaking down the patterns that our own family has been stuck in can open a door for each member to a direction that was actually waited for… but silently. It sounds that things are likely to be going in a good way for you and your parents. There is hope for more respect, emotional maturity and growth in your relationships.

I really wish you the best for all of this, and for your future. In case you’d like to still connect with the community, feel free to hang out during our live streamings on Twitch as well and say hi sometimes. It would be amazing to see you there.

You’re loved so much. Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing this chapter of your life with us. Reading how you feel today brings a big smile to my face. You’re on a good path, friend.

PS - I have tagged your post as a progress one, because YOUR efforts and progress deserve to be celebrated as such! :hrtlegolove:

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@Micro this made me cry the biggest tears (good ones) <3
Your story is beautiful and i relate a lot
Thanks for giving me so much hope, i’ll keep this message preciously with me

I’ll try to catch a Twitch stream ! (I’ll be under a different username but i will say it’s me ;))

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you get the confetti canon
So good to read this!

I love that you woke up and looked at the sleep/vision and logically dissected it! So EXCITING!!
:smiley: thanks for sharing your progress with us!

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