I spent 6 years, between graduating high school and meeting my wife, getting drunk with my friends. I’ve come to realize that in that time I was such an incredibly toxic person, I pushed all those friends away in the worst way. I’m roughly 2 years sober (thanks wife and stepson), however this is when I’ve felt the most alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and kid and the time we have together but I don’t have any time away from them. Coping with depression is really difficult without the alcohol or friends.
Hey, thanks for sharing.
2 years sober is an amazing accomplishment, take pride in what you’ve done; it doesn’t go unnoticed.
I’m sorry that even in the wake of your victory, your depression has gotten worse. You don’t deserve loneliness. Do you still see your friends or have you guys stopped hanging since you stopped drinking?
I see them every so often but when I do any interaction on either side just feels forced. Idk, so much of the identity I’d made with them revolved around my drinking so I think a large part of it is now, ‘how do I reintroduce myself to these people and show that I’m not that toxic dumpster fire that I was for so long?’ Y’know?
Hindsight sometimes has the power to make us believe that things in the past were far better than they actually were. This can especially be true when we find ourselves in dark places, but it is something you have to fight.
Remember why you decided to stop. Examine the truth of the where you find yourself now and compare that with where you used to be and who you used to be. I am sure you already know deep down that you are far better off right now.
Don’t give up
First off I am so happy for you being 2 years sober. That is really incredible, stay strong friend! The problem is that with alcohol you aren’t actually dealing with your depression. Alcohol prevents you from actually dealing with the pain and issues you might be experiencing. What definitely helps is family and friends. I really encourage you to talk to your wife about how you are feeling. Communication is really important, especially when it comes to addiction. Maybe you can plan once every 6 months to have a friends weekend getaway or something. Everyone needs to have some “me time” once in a while. But don’t confuse self care with drinking.