Update about relationship break

Hi beautiful humans,

I am not sure if anyone remembers, but I wanted to post an update re: my partner asking for a break a couple of weeks ago. I have been working very hard implementing healthy coping mechanisms best I can, spending time with loved ones, and bettering myself. I am proud of this, but this week… I’ve been pretty low and anxious. I just feel so anxious and I have midterm exams coming up for my master’s program. It feels like a lot is on the line (apart from my relationship). I finally sent a message this morning to my partner, asking how the break is going for them (we had not discussed a timeframe yet and it felt like a month would be appropriate to ask how they’re doing/what their thoughts might be). Do you think this is okay of me?

Also, does anyone know what I can/should do while I wait for a response? I don’t want to rush her at all, but I also don’t want to be afraid to ask, and see if there’s anything needed from me, or how she sees us now.

I’m studying with a friend to be less alone today, and making sure I am reaching out my support system, but I still feel quite sad and depressed. There’s a lot going on- relationship, school, work, and man, I am quite down today.

Appreciate you guys always,
Thank you much for reading and be here.
Alex

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Hi Alex, Its good to hear from you, It sounds like you have been trying really hard to take care of yourself and I am so pleased that you are proud of yourself because you should be and I am proud of you too as its so easy to give up at a time like this. Of course you are going to have down times but the fact that you have gone the extra mile to get together with others and prepare for exams is just fantastic.
As for the text? you say you never discussed a time frame and I don’t think a month is a bad amount of time to say hello, but now you do need to respect that your partner may not yet be ready to respond so you may have to wait and that may mean keep with implementing the coping mechanisms and spending time with others and also getting ready for your exams,
I am sure it is making you feel sad and anxious all at the same time as once again its bringing back emotions that you have been trying to keep at bay for the last month but I guess if you want to know where the relationship is going in the mind of your partner then you have to ask the questions and that is always going to be difficult.
I am sorry you are having to deal with all of this, I hope you get a reply soon friend. Please keep in touch and keep up the self care because you are worth that. You are a wonderful human being.
Much Love
Lisa. :heart:

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Hi you beautiful human you. :hrtlegolove:

Thank you so much for sharing these updates, @Alex. It sounds that you’re really, really doing all that you can to find the right balance both in your personal life and regarding your relationship with your partner. That is indeed something to be proud of. You could have let yourself drown by a feeling of helplessness and not try to take care of yourself at all. But you keep on living, without ignoring or dismissing how the situation makes you feel. That’s very, very strong and thoughtful of you.

Do you think this is okay of me?

I personally think that checking in on them after a month is absolutely reasonable. Of course, it’s a personal limit, and it can be different for your partner. You are also just checking in - not pressuring them for anything regarding your relationship. It’s a good way to show that you care about them, think of them, but also respect their request and don’t want to overwhelm them. Ultimately, the way they will react or respond will be based on how they perceive your message.

Also, does anyone know what I can/should do while I wait for a response? I don’t want to rush her at all, but I also don’t want to be afraid to ask, and see if there’s anything needed from me, or how she sees us now.

It’s a tough situation, as you are kind of left in the unknown. At least, when you have a clear perspective to hold on to, it helps to navigate a situation and be assured that it is temporary. In that case, unfortunately not knowing what would result or where to go is also kind of the purpose of her break. At least, I imagine she needed time for some inner reflection, and on that matter there is no rule in terms of time or results. :confused:

I truly admire and respect you so much for doing your best to not rush her at all. I think that’s a beautiful mark of love and respect. You’re a good person, Alex.

As for now, I would say that you’ve initiated an interaction, so it’s better to really wait for a potential answer, without asking twice. Maybe you can set yourself a bit of a personal timeframe in case she doesn’t get back to you. I imagine that waiting one month before sending this message for example is something you’ve kind of set up in your mind before? It might be the same here. Just having some large yet tangible perspectives to hold on to, so it could help you wait and free your mind a little bit of worries. Not entirely of course, but at least a little more. When we know/decide what we’re heading to, it makes easier to just handle time itself.

I’m studying with a friend to be less alone today, and making sure I am reaching out my support system, but I still feel quite sad and depressed. There’s a lot going on- relationship, school, work, and man, I am quite down today.

Keep focusing on you as you do right here. There is your relationship, and there is you as an individual. At the moment, your partner is focusing on them. You can use that time to do the same. That doesn’t mean you are betraying her or that you start loving her. It’s just a matter of timing, and where to shift our focus. Between school and work, you have a lot to do (heck, midterms are also stressful and time consuming!). But make sure also to rest, make yourself cozy and treat yourself when you feel down. This situation right now kind of forces you to focus on you. There are days when it will be okay because you’ll have a lot to do. Otherw when you’ll really don’t want to focus on you, on how you feel or on your needs. Both are okay. And there is something to learn through each.

I really hope with all my heart that she will respond to you soon and that it will help to ease your potential fears too. In the meantime, make sure to welcome any feelings just as they are, ask yourself how you can meet your needs at the moment, and be patient with yourself while you are taking some new steps.

Sending lots of love your way. :hrtlegolove:

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Hello @Lisalovesfeathers and @Micro!

I appreciate you both so much and I thank you very much for your encouraging and supportive responses. Thank you for being there for me and being the internet friends I can count on <3 It’s nice to know there’s this little pocket of lovely humans in the world I can talk to, who also have an outside perspective.

I wanted to send an update that my partner let me know she cannot give me a timeframe right now because her own healing needs to occur and she does not feel a romantic relationship is healthy for either of us right now. Looking back, I do agree… we have much to work on if this is something we could try again in the future. I was okay for the first week she told me this, but now I’m devastated and heartbroken.

We’re on good terms and still care a lot for each other, but it feels like her tone towards me has changed in the last week, and I may be getting overwhelmed and overthinking now. Anyway, I just wanted to keep you guys updated, and also let myself cry a little bit.

Thank you; I appreciate you, and the HS community, both so much.
Kindly,
Alex

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Hey @Alex Thank you for the reply, I know how hard it is friend, this is the time when you wish you had an on off switch for your feelings just so you can have five minutes peace from them, we are always here for you, please know that. :heart:
It is a positive thing that your partner responded to you and that she is being honest with her feelings, its better that she is saying something that may sting a little than telling you something you want to hear that will build up your hopes falsely.
Please take this opportunity to work on yourself to build your confidence and do the things you want to do to improve your life whether you are in a relationship or not. Make this time about you and what Alex wants from life. Then if the two of you reunite, your partner gets a new improved stronger and fulfilled Alex and if you do not, you are strong and confident enough to move on and meet new people and ready to set new goals in your life.
You are a strong wonderful person who deserves to have a happy and successful life and that is what I wish for you.
Much Love
Lisa :heart:

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