Update and Friends, TW-suicide

I posted a while back about some stuff going on over the summer. Just some really bad situations. Thankfully, they’re over now.
So last year I was dealing with some really toxic people and I didn’t have a support system. Historically, October and November have been down months for me. November 23, 2018 I tried to kill myself. I was in ICU a while and then released. I don’t think about suicide anymore but some remaining tough relationships make me question my value and wonder who cares. Overall, I just don’t have anyone to talk to about things. It’s tough. I’m going to try to start replying on here and making some connections. I’m open to anyone. I’m 30, Male, singer/songwriter. Typical 2000’s emo kid. Take care!

I’m glad that you

are over now. And I am glad you are still alive.
I am also a suicide attempt survivor and I think it is really brave that you are still here and are willing to open up on here about some of the things you are still struggling with.

It’s a hard thing to work on/through but your value is not based in other people, how many friends you have etc.

And if it counts, this community cares :slight_smile:

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Thanks. You’re absolutely right. I’ve just been alone in some hard times and it has enhanced doubts I already have.

From: echoewings

I am really glad you posted again, Shane, but I am sorry you are back to post again too. I actually always dread the end of the year myself, for very similar reasons, and I know sometimes that’s all it takes to get your back into a funk. You have an amazing outlook though, I can tell. Here you are, open to connections. I hope you are able to find those, and rebuild your support network. We are here for you. Hold Fast.

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From: tromboness

Thanks for coming here to share what you’ve gone through. I also struggle with self-worth. I’ve been lucky with the supportive friends I’ve made over the last few years. We will be there for you when it seems no one else can be. Your life has value. You matter.

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From: adam_actual

Hey Shane, I’m sorry to hear about your suicide attempt. I’m glad that you’re still here, and I hope you’re in a better place now. It’s definitely hard to connect with people you can rely on and trust, so this community is here for you. Hold fast friend.

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From: ladytapioca

Hey Shane! First of all thank you for posting also I am so proud you have continued to live despite it all. I too am a survivor of suicide and also fight that winter funk. It is amazing you are trying to look good on your life. I hope you are able to grow and share your story with others in the place you were in. I hope you can connect with people who fill you with love and encouragement We are here for you while you build up!

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From: skullverizer

Hey, I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. I often struggle with my own self worth. It’s easy to let things overwhelm us. I find trying to refocus my mind on the things that bring me worth can help even if it’s something as small as a food I can make well or someone I made smile. I hope things get better for you.

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From: kayla1508

I remember my suicide attempt. I looked at those pills and thought it was the kindest thing I could do for myself and no one else would care because no one cared about me. I also remember the night I sent goodbye messages a few months after joining HS planning suicide. I went silent for 2 hours, and the panic from people was crazy. There was 6-7 people all trying to work with each other to get hold of me. HS is my only support system at the time and that was the last time i attempted.

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From: stephanierae_ca

i’m to dark in myself to have the words for you in your time of need and if I had my way I’d like to just sit with you and be. For now know that you are heard and thought about!

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From: all_around_ashley

hey just want to say you are not alone, im sorry toxic people had come you way and im glad you are still here alive and breathing. When ive questioned my value is that , i reach out. over the past weeks ive felt like i have questioned myself due to me having to apply for “disability”. Just know no matter what we love you and we will be here for you hold fast.

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Hey all_around_ashley,
Thanks for the kind words. I’m sorry you feel that way over your disability. If you’ve been diagnosed and verified you’ve already been validated. I know it’s tough. The mind can be cruel. I wish you luck on your disability process. They almost always reject the first time so it’d probably be a good idea to get a feel for a lawyer. My mom, aunt, most of my cousins, and grandparents are all disabled.

Thanks stephanierae_ca. Likewise. If you ever want to talk let me know on here or in DM.

kayla1508
I’m glad you’re here and very happy you have found community and support at HS. That is a huge thing!

skullverizer
Thanks for the kind words. I hope it improves for you also. I don’t have any developed relationships that allow me to express my deeper feelings. The few closer relationships I do have are often the source of contention, or at the very least, lack empathy. I don’t come away empowered from those conversations at all.

echoewings
It does suck to go through down spells but I’m glad I have this resource. Thanks for your kindness. I try to stay optimistic and improve tactics when I can.

tromboness

Thanks for the encouragement! It means a lot.

adam_actual

Thanks for the reply and encouragement

ladytapioca

Thank you! I’m glad you’re here too!

i got rejected once cause my mom was still getting childsupport for me. this was going to be try number two but we had to reschedule because they were busy? so third times the charm??? i can still do normal stuff … its just yah know…