Since my last post a lot has happened.
I moved. I now live with my parents again in California rather than with my best friend in Arizona. The move was tough…I wanted so badly to stay in AZ and continue the life I’d built there. But it wasn’t meant to be.
When I returned home, things immediately crashed. My dad’s stage 4 colon cancer is back. He has spots on his liver and his abdominal wall. He also had some very concerning GI bleeding so he has to get a upper endoscopy to make sure the cancer isn’t also back in his GI tract. Then he faces getting his port put back in and more chemo. Things aren’t particularly optimistic right now.
So things have been hard. Very hard. I miss my friends and feel isolated being 10.5hrs away from them. Im heartbroken over my dad’s situation.
Also sad news, with having moved…I do not have access to counseling anymore. Before my dad’s news, I had almost talked my mom into gifting me 6months of counseling through BetterHelp but now with his cancer back…we probably can’t even afford that. I cant get on the waiting list for a psych here. It sucks. Im not even sure my new PCP will refill my psych meds.
With moving back, Im also again having to deal with my parents’ telling me of my failures and such. To them, Im not responsible enough or smart enough. It frustrates me to no end. I wish they could see me as the strong, independent, beautiful, amazing person I know I have grown to be.
Anyways, to end this post I wanna say thanks to everyone here for your support. Thanks for having my back. (Special thanks to Danjo and Casers for always loving me. I still have that video Casers made forever ago and use that as a pick me up sometimes.) Thank you for your replies and love. It means the world to me to know that I am not alone.