Update and ventung

I just kinda need to vent and let this all out, for last few years I haven’t felt like I’m myself and I’ve tried and tried to work on that but it’s like no matter who I’m hanging with I tend to change and it bothers me and I think it effects my depression and anxiety. I just feel lost and that the person I was im high school is gone the person that knew who he was and didn’t care is gone and i don’t know what to do I’m just lost


For better or worse, time and experience changes us. You will never be the same person you were in high school. That is actually a very good thing. If you were to remain the same person, it would be very difficult to accommodate the changes that happen around you. From birth until death, the mind evolves, and you are never quite the same person from one day to the next. That’s how a person integrates experience and wisdom.

Calvin of the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon said “I am not lost! I am right here!” You are not lost. You know where you are. As you continue to learn and evolve mentally, you are seeing the world around you expand and become more complex. Therefore, you see your position in relation to it change. The world is changing and so are you.

You can handle it. You can be comfortable with an evolving identity. You can retain the best parts of yourself from when you were in high school, but due to personal growth, you are not who you were. At the same time, there is an essential part of you that remains unchanged. This is the part that wants to love and be loved, share the best of himself, and to find fulfillment.

Take comfort in knowing that this central core of goodness within you will remain steadfast, as the rest of you changes with a changing world,

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Do you mean that you play a different role for each person? Whoever they need you to be?

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Hey friend,

It’s tough to feel lost with our own identity. As Wings said, time and experience changes us, although we need to be able to name those experiences, to put words on them and understand how its has affected and shaped us, to actually understand who we are. In the midst of change, there is a need for both grace and stability.

I don’t know if that would be reassuring to you, but for a very long time I’ve been like you, changing depending on who I’d talk to. I’m still mostly like this, but it has started to change a little since I’ve learned to do more things for myself, to identify what I like or dislike, etc. I’ve been used to be a social chameleon in my interactions. On the positive side, being like this make people feel seen, heard and loved. They open up more spontaneously about things that are important to them. But on the negative side, it also makes us feel lost and wonder who we are in the long run.

You won’t find your answers in a day, as it is through life experiences that you will keep learning to know yourself better. However, it could be interesting for you to see this as a journey made of experimentations. An interesting way to cultivate the curiosity you could have in learning to know yourself better is to have a creative outlet of any kind, or a hobby that allows you to take up space, to express yourself, how you feel, also to discover your own limits and be more in tune with your inner dialogue. With that kind of activity, you set your own rules. You experiment. You adapt depending on your own needs, ideas, willigness, but also limits. Having that kind of time and space dedicated to you can be a door to open to one of the most beautiful and interested discovery: you, your spirit, your personality.

Even if you tend to change when you talk to others, that doesn’t mean you are lost or not really you. It is actually you! It is a personality trait in itself. Not everyone is able to adapt to others like this. It’s something you’ve become, and something you can learn to change at your own pace if that is not how you want to be.

As you might feel like constantly adapting to others make you lose sight of who you are, then make sure to spend time with you, to literally have meetings with yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable at first. Little by little, by taking it easy and with a lot of patience, you will learn to appreciate these moments spent with yourself, as you will unfold new layers of emotions, sights and connection with yourself. :hrtlegolove:

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Yes exactly, I act like a different person to meet the needs and likes of others


Thanks for the help I know it takes time I just kinda felt like I was the only one that felt that way and just kinda needed to get it off my chest


One of 9 traits of borderline personality disorder is an unclear and shifting self image. You don’t know who you are and you change who you are according to the situation, person etc. There are a lot of other parts to this and I think showing you a video about it would make it more understandable.

I really think you’ll get something out of this. It really helped me to understand this trait because its one of the most complicated ones. I’m not diagnosing you, I just picked up on the identity thing.

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I appreciate it and I will watch the video in a few minutes

You’re welcome :heart:

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