My sobriety is not going that well. I ended up relapsing again… but I only found 3 pills not enough to harm me seriously. I’m back to square one to where I have to start from the beginning. It’s so freaking hard dealing with this whole sobriety thing!
I’m so sorry for the relapse. I’ve never struggled with drugs, but I relate to your feelings through my own experience with eating disorders. Relapses were always difficult and felt like falling in the same trap again and again. I’d blame myself, feel ashamed, guilty, defeated. But even if it feels like this at the moment, we’re not defeated when it happens. It’s a very difficult time to go through, a lot of intense emotions to process, a lot of vulnerability to handle. But it’s not hopeless.
As you’ve relapsed a couple of days ago already, you are more vulnerable right now. The first hours and days after a relapse are the most difficult, but you are not back to square one. What happened doesn’t erase your efforts and all the things you’ve been doing for your recovery before. You shared about it on another post and it sounds that you’ve been doing a lot to receive the support you need through all of this. I am so proud of you, friend. Each time you keep fighting is not wasted time, each time you reach out is not wasted energy, regardless of the result.
As you mentioned your support group + therapist + psychiatrist previously, I’d like to encourage you to reach out to at least one of them, so you can receive some extra-encouragement and support. Don’t stay alone with this, especially now, and especially because of what happened a couple of days ago. We want you to be safe and to receive the support you need during this difficult time.
I believe in you, friend. You’ll get through this rough patch. You just posted lately something very encouraging and about the progress you did. Keep those words with you, keep this inner spark. It’s such an important strength that you have inside of you.
I will. I’m starting out all over again