Update: I'm screwed, my time is up (T.W.)

So apparently my sister called protective services and their going to go and inspect everything, every single room and I’m going to get taken away somewhere awful where I won’t be able to do anything, I’ll have everything stripped away from me a place that’s worse than any mental institution. So I guess this is goodbye, and apparently my life is a lie, like I didn’t know that already, the house that I live in is not mine it’s owned by someone else so that’s just lovely (not really) my grandma says that she loves me, which is a lie, and now I’m exhausted and frustrated that my suicide attempt when I was 16 wasn’t successful and I can’t stop cutting myself and honestly I’m done.

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Please don’t say goodbye. Wherever you’re going, you may still have access to a computer. It sounds like you are headed for a huge change. Adjustment may be extremely difficult, but maybe you’ll have someone to talk to. Maybe you’ll still be able to communicate with us. I hope you’ll find a way to be okay with your new circumstances.

honestly don’t know if I’ll have access to a computer, or anything. I don’t want it to happen, I don’t want to get taken away in a police car and be stuck in a place that’s a 100 times worse than a mental institution…

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So my grandma tried calling me 4 times today and when I finally called her back she was yelling at me, and said how dare you treat your mom poorly! I can’t have her over here!, So you just kicked her out, I made a mistake and told her that I had 40 panic attacks and that I didn’t want to live anymore, my grandpa yelled at me saying maybe you should have a hundred more!
Then I had another panic attack and he said that there’s a crazy lady on the phone ( he was referring to me) and I told her that I didn’t want to live anymore, that I didn’t care, she threatened to call the police and have them send me away. And then she completely treated me like I was a psycho and said what protective service she did this on purpose treat me like I was a stupid crazy idiot. and aunt made it 100 times worse and called me a f****** b**** and a psycho. And it was accusing me of treating her like absolute crap when I basically said that I didn’t want to talk to my second oldest sister because she treats me like absolute s*** every single time she talks to me and dishes her trauma out of me. I got so frustrated I had another panic attack and then later on after that started cutting myself because I really don’t have anything to live for and my life freaking sucks.

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What is your source of information regarding what the place is like?

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It sounds like your family has no idea what you’re going through, and the way they are treating you is based on ignorance. I’m sorry that you are suffering with panic attacks.

Is it possible to find a different living situation? Your current family situation sounds complicated and dysfunctional. My family was pretty horrible too. Before I was old enough to move out, I coped as best I could while trying not to be noticed or being away from the house is much as possible.

Do you have a therapist? Does this therapist know what you’re going through?

Regarding the feeling that you have nothing to live for, have you considered how your life will change when you become independent of your family?

From rohini_868: I agree with wings’ question, there may be services and resources at this place that can help you. Fear of a new place can be intense, but couldnt there be some benfits from it?

Hey @transient_schizophrenic_bliss,

How have you been doing since you’ve posted? How is the situation going with the protective services?

I can only imagine the intense stress that it must have created at the time. It’s a brutal new to be made aware that protective services would be involved and start inspect the place you live. Although I imagine that your sister had some valid reason to ask for that kind of help, everything that it represents just brought up this huge anxiety and rush of thoughts to you. It’s this perspective that someone you don’t know yet would be invading your personal space and would potentially change everything you’ve known. I hear how stressful this idea was for you at the moment and how much it has activated this rush of fears and thoughts of hopelessness to you. It’s like having to face a deep sense of betrayal. How you’ve been feeling makes sense, friend, and I’m thankful that you’ve posted about it when you needed.

It sounds like you’ve been posting after this topic was created, so I truly hope that you’re managing to take care of yourself in the middle of this. This community right here is (and will still be) available whenever you can have access to it and need an ear to listen. It may not be a physical place, but it is still a community where we care about one another, some place that can bring a sense of stillness in the midst of unexpected changes. You have been very brave for sharing about your life and struggles over the years here. This is not going away.

I also hope that despite the potential huge change for you, it could also be an opportunity for you to get more support, stability and peace over time. Sometimes even places we are familiar with can be harmful to us, and the goal of protective services is also to make sure that your family and you are safe where you are. I understand that it’s hard to trust complete strangers though, and to not feel like they’d only be here to destroy everything that may feel safe to you already. Hopefully people you’ve met (or will met) will be very understanding, listening and caring.

I’m rooting for you from here. This is the kind of time and potential change that can feel like your entire world is crushing down. You will get through this. You have friends here to support you through it. Hold Fast, friend. :hrtlegolove: