The last time I posted was about a month ago. In the last month I’ve made a lot of progress towards eating normally again, I think partially because some stuff came up that gave me something else to focus my anxiety on. But when I wrote my last post it was near impossible for me to eat anything, and if I ate something when I was by myself, there was a high likelihood I would have a panic attack. I’m happy to say that now I am not as hesitant to eat food in general, although I am still somewhat afraid to eat nuts again or other things that a lot of people are allergic to, which is something I will just have to deal with in time.
I wish I could say exactly how I have started to “get over it” in case anyone else is dealing with the same thing, but ultimately I think it’s because my brain tries to focus my general anxiety that I feel on a daily basis into something tangible and something that COULD be a threat instead of just accepting that sometimes anxiety has no cause. Also, my actual seasonal allergies have started up, and while it’s been pretty miserable, it kind of flipped a switch in my brain that let me know “hey, if you eat something and your throat feels how it does now, you might be allergic”. and then I realized that I’ve never eaten anything that has made me feel as bad as the air outside does right now, and I’m still alive. haha
So, I’ve kind of realized that the health anxiety I deal with on and off to varying degrees is caused by my own mind trying to frantically find why I just live at a higher state of anxiety. For me, this is probably because I have a need to know everything in order to feel ‘in control’. Understanding this has really helped me to start making steps toward being healthy again.
For anyone who is dealing with this fear of allergies right now, all I can say is to keep eating. Try one ‘new’ food at a time, and if you need to wait until someone you trust is around, then that’s absolutely okay. I think this is just one of those things that will go away with time, as much as it sucks to deal with in the meantime.