so basically all that in my last post started in october. i cant handle it anymore… im behind on assessments due in 2 weeks. i cant do anything right. a fucking retard. i cant even get a partner irl thats how shit i am. i have been told that im ugly and i wont be able to get a partner. that was from the people that tell the truth. i have a crush on someone, and not long after they are taken. every fucking time. i know im just gonna be a lonely, homeless piece of shit. i dont even know why im still alive at this point. i cant handle a job yet my parents are forcing me to get one and i cant say no or ill get yelled at. i think i should do it. im sorry for failing to meet your expectations because of how bad i am.
I couldn’t find an October post for you, but I saw the one from two weeks ago. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot of hell, none of it deserved. Really maintain awareness of the reality that you did not deserve such bad treatment from your mom or anyone from school. Perhaps more importantly, you don’t deserve to be treated as badly as you are treating yourself. None of those negative things that you have said about yourself are true. I think part of it is that you are angry with yourself for not being someone that’s more approved of by others. So in a sense, you are angry with yourself for not being someone else. In school you are surrounded by kids who pretend they are someone else, in other words insecure enough to hide who they really are. You are on the other hand, are expressing your authenticity. No doubt, many around you jealously resent your courage. They may even fear it.
The choice of potential partners for you in school is severely limited, as most of them have a lot of growing up to do before they can be a decent partner or even recognize what they want in a significant other.
I grew up feeling like a misfit, which is appropriate because I really was a misfit. Because I didn’t fit in, I did a lot of observing and maturing at my own pace, which as it turns out meant that I grew up and became more functional at an earlier age than my peers. If you are a misfit, congratulate yourself. Truly intelligent people are often misfits. Bill Gates was a misfit, as was Einstein, Thomas Edison and others. As you stand apart from the crowd, it’s easy to see their vanity and superficiality.
I’m sure you can do many things “right.” However, you’re damaged confidence is probably causing you to make mistakes. It can be really hard to shrug off the bullshit that people say, but realize it’s their ignorance that makes them blind to who you really are.
It’s interesting that so often the kids who are “voted most likely to succeed,” end up not succeeding very well in adulthood, and the misfits end up being their bosses.
It’s no fun feeling lonely, yet I came to realize that I’d rather be alone than be obsessed with all the silly stuff my peers were concerned about. I didn’t hold it against them. I just realized they were behind the curve when it came to growing up.
One thing you can be sure of, is that you are circumstances will change. Soon you will gain much more autonomy and freedom. Until then, hang in there.
The Houston HeartSupport Team responded to your wall post by video and the link is here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1c58V8gY33WNWZpPbv3WeAyzXpdZnT9VD/view?usp=sharing