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Update on my last post

Hi,

Even since I posted about my past trama. I’m still experiencing it but not as much. Lately things have been better. But the other day at work. I had a panic attack because I someone who looked the exact same as my abusive ex and it wasn’t good. I was shaking and was paranoid that the person was still in the restaurant. But now I’m ok because I talked to my boyfriend and he helped me calm down.

Also why do abusive ex’s still try to contact u even years later?

Because my abusive ex has tried contacting me through friends and even tried to manipulate me again by saying he wanted to sit down and talk to me about how he’s changed when Ik for a fact he’s never gonna change.

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It sounds like he has an obsessive nature - not unusual for an abuser. I’m not sure how effective a court injunction would be, but it may be worth a try. Other than that, block his access to your phone, tell all your friends that you want no contact at all, and don’t even want to hear about him.

I’m glad you have a boyfriend who can help you emotionally.

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Oh geez I’m so sorry, I understand that feeling this happens to me ligitamatley all the time.

Abusive people are insecure, childish, mind-zombies who tend to never grow up or out of their old ways if they can’t get the help or have that ephiphany of introspection. They follow the same pattern of toxic manipulation and abuse and never change because they’re desperate for someone else to do it. They keep trying to contact after years because they’re stuck in their own tar of toxic waste and don’t know how to get out of it, they reach out to others to pull out of it but don’t make the effort of climbing out themselves, so they don’t actually every grow out of it, and some don’t even realize they’re drowning in it. You are very right, if an abusive person were to actually grow as a person and change, the only time they’d make contact again is to apologize and move on with their life. This person is very clearly stuck in the same time and year as when you met them, and, possibly even years before if something turned them into this kind of person. Though I can’t say they are able to get help, after all it’s been years and they haven’t matured at all, so it’s important to protect yourself and others from them so they don’t hurt any more people.

Idk how bad it is but is it possible to try filing a restraining order if it’s severe? I know how hard those things are but it could be worth a shot if he’s trying to weasle his way back into your life and you have evidence and there are more victims. If it’s bad changing emails names addresses phone numbers etc helps. Letting your family and friends know about this so they don’t mention you to him and spread info, I know that can be hard, ecspecially if he’s the emotional terrorist type, which is why it’s important to consider taking legal action at some point. He is unconsentually forcibly pushing into your life when you are trying to get better and move on, and innapropriately trying to demand things from you via manipulation, and pretty much overall stalking. I’d advise you to start gathering up as much evidence as you can so if it gets bad and you do decide to take action you can rest easy knowing you won’t be turned down. Also I read your previous posts, and as idk what he did, you’ve stated it has affected your life in a traumatic way, so if he has committed a crime and is doing it to more people then telling the police as a report would be useful for them to protect both yourself and your friends, and future victims.

Idk how bad it is but, if you suspect him following you home, or knows your location I’d advise putting out cameras for the house just so you can feel a bit safer. It’s honestly something I really give importance to because if not your paranoia just gets worse and you just can’t stop thinking about it.

Oh and the big thing, ALWAYS, be near someone. If you suspect his is a severe threat taking precautions is a must! Also have some sort of protection on you for when you have to be alone.

Usually with faces, when I realize it’s not actually them I immediately authorize awareness over the brain and demand “That is not them so don’t make up stories” and immediately switch the topic of focus to something more calming, grounding to reality emotionally and physically, practice square breathing and listen to music. This prevents the paranoia from happening if you try this enough. And be reminded you shouldn’t have a crappy day just because someone else who you know isnt them is there. You deserve to be where you are and enjoy your time.

I hope things get better for you, you shouldn’t have had to go through this, you shouldn’t have been hurt because of someone else’s issues, you shouldn’t have to be forced to continue being in someone’s life. If you haven’t already I suggest looking into therapy, they help greatly and can work through it with you session by session. Please take care of yourself and know the world is listening to you.

-X

You have just reminded me of a friend I had to disconnect myself from because of how bad their stalking situation was, the stalker ended up finding the names of ppl she knew and giving them warnings. I couldn’t help, and I was already dealing with my own creeps so I had to vanish without a word. I felt bad for it, but. I hope she’s safer now…

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Hi,

I can now understand why people who are abuser do these kinds of things. Thank you for letting me know.

As far as my abusive ex goes ever since he’s been cut out of my life. For the past 2 years he’s tired talking to me through friends and even this year in January he wanted to sit down in person when he still went to my college that he wanted to say he’s changed and say sry.

But Ik he was just trying to manipulate me. It wouldn’t have to go as far a getting the law involved because he lives far away from me in a different state and doesn’t know where I live. But that’s good advice if things were to ever get out of hand. He’s the emotional manipulative type of abusive person.

I just hope next year will be the first year I won’t have hear he’s trying to get back into my life and wanting to talk to me. Cuz it’s already Traumatic enough from the years he emotionally abused me.

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It’s also hard because my rlly good friend is now in a toxic relationship with my emotionally abusive ex. But I’m stepping back from her cuz it’s not good for me mentally.

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That does make a lot of sense and he’s been cut off completely for 2 years. He’s blocked on everything and he number has been deleted for 2 years off my phone.

He’s even reached out to some friends from high school who I’m friends with but I honestly just know he’s trying to get back into my life after these years to manipulate me again. He’s like a fly that never goes away. Witch is the annoying part.

I would just like next year to be the first year he doesn’t try to get back into my life :crossed_fingers:t2:.

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As long as everyone he tries to use to get to you knows that he has stalked you, and you want no contact. Then those people will no longer cooperate with him and he’ll run out of people he can use. Don’t allow him any power to annoy you. He’s not that significant.