Update on my previous post

My younger brother is really good at figuring things out. Something I applaud him for. He is usually annoying when he is that nosey but because of him we would have never figured this out. He has good intuition and pays attention to detail

Okay so he was texting me. We were trying to figure out a plan and what our next course of action is. He left out a detail when he sent the whatsapp screenshots to me from his phone. The woman he was talking to had blocked him and she didn’t seem to respond to any on his messages. Which now I understand why he sent like 10 page text messages confessing his undying love for her.

But she still reads the messages thems though and my dad mentioned that he was happy enough that she still reads them.

The most concerning part was how obsessive he was and painting his own family like some sort of enemy. He says he gets panic attacks when she doesn’t talk to him. And that he feels like he’s gonna die and that he can’t live without her. All in those messages.

It’s like I don’t know my own dad anymore. Me and my brother are making jokes about it but we’re actually really scared. Trying to loosen up the tension for now

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I can’t quite figure out if it’s your brother or your dad that is sending the text messages? That level of obsession is dangerous. You may not be able to influence his actions, but it’s good that you are there for support when the inevitable emotional crash occurs. This woman may take legal action, as regardless how harmless he seems to be, such behavior can be frightening to her.

Has he gotten like this before? It might help for the two of you to talk to him, but applying pressure could cause him to conceal his actions, which could make things worse.

He’s lucky to have family that cares for him.

Your dad sounds to be in a rough spot in terms of personal suffering and the feelings he has for this woman. I’m not saying this to diminish the importance of how you and your brother feel, and how uncomfortable and hurtful this situation is for you. It’s just that, you know, your dad is a man before being a dad, which means that he can express his love to someone. What hurts and feels weird is that it’s not to your mom right now. It plays a huge role in seeing him in a different way, as some kind of stranger. But he is still the dad you have known and these messages are part of his privacy.

I think the healthiest option your brother and you could have at this point is to have a family meeting about all of this, if really you want to have an implication in this. But overall, reading the messages and trying to stay aware of how things are, on your own, could really become unhealthy for all of you. So many times I’ve been aware of secrets that were kept hidden in my family, and not talking about it has made it so much worse - we assume and imagine a lot of things because we can’t hear the people involved speaking directly. For your own sake, your brother, your mom and your dad, I would really encourage you to whether set a strong boundary with the whole situation and protect yourself - but that could be difficult given what you know. Or on the other hand, to take some actions in order to break the ice once and for all. It is really unfortunate that you and your brother are somehow involved in this as this shouldn’t be any of your responsibility or worries. I’m so sorry you’re in the middle of this.

Once again we are here for you through it all. You’re loved, friend.

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