Ups and downs

I am making progress but slowly. I know I won’t get there in a heart beat or within weeks. Because the trauma I went through went on over decades.
I have days where I don’t want to be on this earth anymore. I just don’t find enjoyment in it. But there are days like today, where I feel neutral.
Ive Realise something about myself, I’m unable to receive love I push people away who try and give me love it’s actually quite triggering.
I’ve always been the rescue at the Saver in relationships between people but now there are people in my life you’re trying to help me love me save me but I don’t know how to deal with it.
I see shifts in my life and I guess this is a clear indication that I am healing and whateverI’m doing is working, but damn it’s hard.
I want to be loved but don’t know how to receive it. But I damn well know how to give love in return.
I find myself to be very confusing.



Making progress is hard. Damn hard for sure but you’re making it. I see the change in how you are talking about yourself. Learning how to accept love and care (when you don’t trust that it’s real, or that someone will stay, or that someone is loving you for the wrong reasons) is hard. That immediate push back response is very real. The fact that you recognize this and that it’s going to take time to change that reaction is a huge win in my opinion. Please keep pushing through - you’re worth it.


Hello @Missunderstood

Thank you for being vulnerable and posting your thoughts and struggles with this. I think it’s very good that you’re aware that it’s hard for you to receive love. Becoming aware is the start of the process to healing in my opinion. It’s hard to let people in when you’ve been hurt by people who say they love you, it’s hard to trust that you won’t be hurt again, so we push people away instead. It’s better to not let them in so we don’t feel the pain again; it’s a defense mechanism.

It’s hard to trust that someone loves you and it takes time to get to that place. You’re on a road of recovery and healing, so be patient and you’ll get there. You matter and you are loved.


It’s hard indeed, I believe love can be real but I don’t believe it for me at this point of my life. Thank you for saying I worth it, it makes me feel loved

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I believe there is strength in vulnerability but I still do find it hard. I hope it does get better thank you

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