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Upset friend and other

i think i accidentally upset my friend and… i’m feeling really really shitty about it. i just wanted to thank him for being in my life basically and that just talking with me normally most of the time has saved my life on more than a few occasions. he took it as me relying on him and using him as support. i didn’t mean for it to come off that way… i worded it best i could so it didn’t… i hate telling him things. i did the other day though cause he had complained i don’t open up enough and i kept reassuring him that he can just ignore it and doesn’t need to provide any sort of support or anything and that we can just talk like normal so i thought it might be fine? yknow? he asked… didn’t he? yeah… i’m not going to do that again. now i just feel horrible about it. him saying not to rely on him because he’s mentally and physically unstable… i know this. it’s why i never say anything anyways and am always trying to help you? i check on you everyday and always ask how you are and how your day went… what did i do wrong… i feel like i weirded him out too. i’m just going to shut up from now on. i don’t want to risk anything. i hope he isn’t mad at me. maybe i’m just overreacting but i’m probably not. pray he doesn’t find this… haha… if you do, i’m just really sorry… i guess this is one of my faults :slight_smile:

edit: i ended up crying for a while and feeling really suicidal. it doesn’t take a lot to upset me when it comes to people i care about and because i bottle up my emotions, everything usually ends up coming out once i start crying. kept imagining scenarios that would cause me to kill myself. kept imagining what i would say to the people i care about, how id sound, rehearsing what i’d say beforehand and then saying it in the moment. i really just want to be gone sometimes. i’m so desensitized ti most things that cause me trouble now that i feel heartless. i feel like i should feel something. i was smiling yesterday and kept trying not to because i didn’t even know why i was. i wasn’t happy, i felt empty. my eyes felt empty. i think i carry a lot of emotion in them now. people keep telling me how sad i look, even when i’m trying not to be. i even had a couple of people over a GAME with only a text chat feature ask me why i seemed so sad?? i don’t think i do. but i also don’t think i seem too happy. maybe it’s just because i’m boring. not like i’m excited about a lot, so i guess people can translate that into sadness? who knows. i’ll probably add more to this later but my puppy is crying, so i have to go see him.

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Hey friend,

It sounds like you’re going through a really difficult time and I’m sorry that your best efforts with your friend were received as being a burden.

It sounds like your friend may have been giving some mixed messages so it makes sense that you would be feeling confused and maybe a little like you did something wrong. The truth is that you didn’t do anything wrong! You tried your best to communicate care to this person and just because it didn’t go as planned doesn’t mean that it was your fault! It could mean that both of you need to work on the way you communicate with one another or how you support each other but that is a part of every relationship even the best ones.

If you are feeling suicidal, I encourage you to take a list at this post and try to follow some of the steps.

Sending you lots of love,

T

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@echo

Hi. It’s not your fault. You are being a good friend. Your friend will come around. Just like what @taylorpalmby said, follow the steps she posted.

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