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Upsidedown

So, I’m currently in a throuples relationship been together for 3-4 months; myself, M, and J, two females and one guy, j, currently M is 8 weeks pregnant and I don’t know how to feel. She’s not supposed to be able to carry any children the first one was a miracle and now this one is her “rainbow baby” I’m a person that thinks of everything… EVERYTHING, I’m worried it’s not gonna end up being her rainbow baby and how it’s going to effect us. On the other hand I’ve been trying for a baby since before I was 18 honestly, I’m coming up on being 20 at the end of the year, I’m not concerned about when I have a baby because I believe everything will work if you try hard enough, but I had a pregnancy scare last month, my period was for one day and was one of the worst cramps I felt before hand, but it only bleeding one day scared me I took a test and it was faint but there was a line but I couldn’t think about it til after I got off work well… I went to work and we were opening up the store and I feel the worst near instant pain I’ve ever felt I fell to my knees bawling clutching my stomach trying not to scream, I ended up puking in a trash can, needless to say I got sent home early and I felt different, I don’t know how to explain it but I felt completely different, and about a week later I felt the same pain, waking me from a dead sleep, I have no idea what it meant I don’t want to know honestly. Last week I started having a panic attack waking up and bolted to my mom’s truck and drove myself to a field successfully to get myself to calm down, on the way back to the house I dropped my $200 vape out the window and started going manic, trying to figure out how to fix it, just wanted it fixed, I asked my bf to drive me, side note my bf is slow not like mentally he just like to finish what he’s doing on a normal day it aggravates me, he didn’t give me a clear answer so I drove myself, yes I know when I should and should not drive I told him I didn’t think I should drive, I got out and got frustrated trying to find what I needed settled for something and headed back, on my way back I didn’t take a turn slow enough and clipped and dented my mom’s truck called her and had a full mental breakdown on the phone with her.

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Wow you’ve been through a lot, it must be stressing you out and taking a bit of an emotional toll on you.
Did you at all go to the dr during those bad cramps? It sounds absolutely horrible, and I’m so sorry you experienced that.
Trying for a baby so young wow. I’m not here to tell you what to do, but I do encourage you to talk to your dr and get the regular check ups us ladies need when we are sexually active. It can really save a lot of trouble in future.

Things sometimes seem to pile up and up and up don’t they? I am so sorry that you lost something so expensive and then the car happened. How did your mum take it?
I do hope things have since calmed down a bit and you’ve been able to talk with your partners and your mum and work out perhaps how to take care of yourselves firstly. Maybe discuss what it’s going to look like with a baby in the mix. Make sure she’s going to all her appointments and baby is hitting it’s marks.
How you’re going to look after yourself during all this. Getting enough rest, how involved you’ll be with the baby ect.
And then what your mum wants to do with the car. Is she expecting to be paid for damages or did insurance cover it?
Mostly just make sure you take some time for yourself to give your body and mind what they need

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From: twixremix

hey friend,

so thankful to hear from you again, my friend. i appreciate you for posting this update and knowing that this community will always have your back. you’ve gone through so much in the past month with the pregnancy scare, the intense pain you experienced, and the rough drive you had. i definitely echo what the awesome bimini said in the reply above on all the questions asked and advice given. i’ll add that i hope M’s pregnancy turns out to be smooth and she delivers a baby that y’all 3 can nurture and raise them to be the most loved and cherished kid ever. i know you’re also personally trying for a child and i hope this can work out for you in the future with minimal pain like the kind you experienced at work - that did not seem easy and i hope that was an isolated incident of that pain! i know your gynecologist can offer some solid advice on those cramps and pain as well. sending you so much clarity, peace, and a smooth journey ahead, my friend. i believe in you to persevere and conquer, especially with the support and love of your partners and family.

love,
twix

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Hello there,

First off, I want to let you know that I am proud of you for coming to the HeartSupport Wall & allowing us to encourage you through all of the things you are going through right now. I know that in every relationship, there needs to be communication. How are your communication skills with both of your partners? Would some of this frustration be taken away if the three of you sat down to discuss the current events going on in your relationship? Would that help when you are needing help with something that’s important to you?

I see you & I can understand you in my own way. You are valid. You are enough. You matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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Hey Whyorwhynot,

First and foremost, I am glad that you are OK. Both your painful scare, and the (albeit minor) traffic accident, it is good to see you’re OK. After all that you just posted, it’s understandable that you feel like you’re under so much stress that things feel upside down. Take a minute for yourself, and breath.

You are seen, and you are heard. Life has gotten crazy for you in all directions. In times like this, self-care can be greatly important. Do you have a self-care routine? Time set aside so that you can decompress from all that the day is throwing at you to breath, relax, and let your mind take a rest? Just like your body after it’s been working hard, your mind needs a period from time to time to relax and catch up with itself. With that self-care, taking on what life has thrown at you can be that much more tenable. Or at least help you be ready for all those curve balls that life throws at ya.

Hope this helps. Best of luck, friend :hrtlegolove:

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@Bimini I didn’t go to the Dr, I had an appointment but I slept through it on my bf’s chest. I’ve been trying to go regularly but I have a bit of trauma with dr and hospitals, so it takes a lot out of me. I usually try to get an appointment for the same week so I don’t have much time to think about it, I had to wait 3 weeks for an appointment. It drained me mentally to where I wasn’t talking unless it involved my job which put a wedge in my relationship, that hasn’t exactly gotten resolved yet.

I was trying for a baby because I was stable in my life and everything seemed right, it doesn’t matter the age within reason, the support around you and your well being is what matters .

It does pile up a lot, while all of that was happening my dad was in the hospital having some difficulties. I wanted to go see him but I couldn’t afford to go.

I don’t know what we are going to do about this baby I guess we will have that conversation soon.

I called my mom the moment I parked the truck, she didn’t care because she knew I was upset. She told me not to worry about it but I’m going to fix it before I give it back to her. She lives 6 hours away she is letting me use it while I work on my vehicle.

I’m alone all day except like 4 hours, I’m cleaning or on my phone or playing my bf game or watching TV. I don’t do those all the time I just stare off and think about anything and everything, there is also times where there is nothing happening, no thoughts no movement. Nothing. I don’t like to leave the house much. I have no problem going when I need or want to buy I go like 5 to 10 days without leaving.

@StarFox I have a very hard time communicating with anyone in person, but it aggravates them that I can’t physically talk it out. It takes me a very long time to write out and edit it to get my point across. I’ve been at this for about an hour at this point and I’ve cried 5 times from reading these comments and writing this. Thank you.

@Taladien I don’t have any routines, not even a sleep one. Sometimes I go to sleep at like 9pm but other times I don’t sleep til 7am, I’m always up before 4p and as early as 11p.

Now I’m worried about rent which is due on the 15th and my phone bill is due on the 18th there is no way I’m getting that in time.

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Hi Friend
As the others have said, you have been through a lot and it has all mounted up on top of goodness knows how many hormones flooding through your body that have been up and down is it any wonder you are feeling the way you are.
Everything you have described in itself is a reason to feel anxious and you have a bag full.
I am sorry that this has all led to so much upset, worry and those panic attacks and its clear that this is your mind and bodys way of telling you its time to stop and take care of yourself.
I see that you say you find it difficult to talk to one person, but I would emplore you you to attempt to reach out to someone, if you contact a therapist and explain how you feel about talking they will work with you on that, therapists are very used to people who dont llike opening up and talking. There job is to help and be patient in the process. I honestly think it would really help you to at least feel like you have someone on your side and help prepare you for what is to come with a clearer head.
Also I would encourage you to try journalling, wiithin that you could possibly get some routines in order to help you to stop worrying so much. This all takes time but it can be done step by step. If you need help with getting yourself in to a routing and making plans regarding your future. When you have had a break and are feeling a bit more secure in yourself, You could try one of our action groups. but that is for another time. Right now take care of yourself and breathe. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers x

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I’m so glad your partner has been so comforting and supportive for you! That’s always so important. I’m glad it sounds like you have a healthy balance with your relationships. That’s so important! You are absolutely right.
Being una. Loving and caring environment is worth everything.

Does being alone in the house impact you? Some people enjoy that time, which is cool! Some people find it sort of impacts on their mental health a bit.
Your mum sounds like a wonderful soul! I hope talking to her made things a little easier for you.

Thank you for taking the time to respond! I hope today has been a bit easier on you.

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It hasn’t been a good few days, communication has been a big problem.

Mentally I’ve been fighting urges for a few months and I’m not happy about it